Galaxy Quest Page #5

Jason takes a sip of coke and checks his watch.

SARRIS:

First, I require the Omega 13... Second-

JASON:

(blasé, like a laundry list)

Okey dokey, let's fire blue particle cannons full. Fire red

particle cannons full. Fire gannet magnets left and right. Fire

pulse catapults from all chutes. And throw this thing at him too,

killer.

He hands the GUNNER the empty coke can, then before even waiting

for the weapons to reach their target... ...he exits!

24HALLWAY

Jason emerges and looks both ways trying to get his bearings.

Several of the aliens chase after him as he enters the

4/26/99(PINK)

corridor, exchanging stunned dances, trying to absorb the

magnitude of what just happened.

MATHESAR:

Commander?... Where are you... going?

JASON:

Home.

MATHESAR:

You... You mean Earth?

JASON:

Yeah. "Earth." Time to get back to "Earth," kids.

He turns a corner. Jason is oblivious to the muffled sounds of

explosions, traces of the demolition going on outside.

MATHESAR:

But Commander... The negotiation... You... You... You fired on

him.

JASON:

Right. Long live... What's your planet?

MATHESAR:

Theramin.

JASON:

Long live Theramini. Take a left here?

MATHESAR:

But what if Sarris survives?

JASON:

Oh, I don't think so. I gave him both barrels.

MATHESAR:

He has a very powerful ship. Perhaps you would like to wait to

see the results of-

JASON:

I would but I am REALLY running late and the 134's a parking lot

after 2:
00. But listen, the guy gives you any more trouble, just

give a call...

Mathesar produces a walkie talkie device for Jason.

MATHESAR:

An interstellar vox.

4/26/99(PINK)

JASON:

Thanks

Mathesar looks him in the eye. A TEAR starts down his cheek. He

HUGS Jason, then shakes his hand sincerely.

MATHESAR:

How can we thank you, Commander. You- You have saved our people.

JASON:

It was a lot of fun. You kids are great.

The others shake his hand, thanking him as they enter the...

25INTERSTELLAR POD ROOM

A room with a very high circular ceiling. The aliens continue

thanking Jason as they lead him to the center of the room. Jason

realizes he's left all alone in this strange room with no visible

doors. Jason is suddenly aware that he is standing on a GLOWING

RED DISK.

JASON:

Wait. Where's the car?

Suddenly a CLEAR CYLINDER rises from the disk and conforms around

him, ENCASING~ HIM IN A CLEAR BULLET SHAPED CONTAINER. There is

only an instant to register surprise as the ceiling divides and

an AWE INDUCING ROTATING STARFIELD is revealed... The WALLS pull

back around him. And Jason finds himself surrounded by THE

INFINITE VASTNESS OF SPACE. And his face is a MASK OF HORROR In

the split instant as Jason in his pod is ROCKETED FORWARD INTO

SPACE.

26BLACK - [JASON'S YARD]

We pull back slowly from the iris of Jason's eye. He is now

standing on the red disk in the middle of his own back yard. He

stands there in shock, TEETH CHATTERING, SHIVERING IN WAVES AND

WAVES from the incomprehension of what he's just experienced,

unable to move from the snot.

27NT. BRANDON'S GARAGE - TARZANA - DUSK

Crickets chirp. Inside the open garage of a suburban house sits

BRANDON and his friends in their uniforms, surrounded by a

homemade space ship interior constructed of painted cardboard

boxes and Christmas lights. Brandon and his friends look very

disappointed... The Commander never showed.

28EXT. COMPUTER STORE PARKING LIT - MORNING

Gwen, Alexander, Tommy, Fred and Guy perform for the store's

grand opening. A small crowd is gathered, including Brandon and

his gang, inspecting a mock up of the PROTECTOR.

GWEN:

Take it from us... We've been all over the universe.

FRED:

But we've never seen the space age values we've seen here .....

TOMMY:

TechCo electronics superstore

Alexander pauses, deeply ashamed. Gwen nudges him.

ALEXANDER:

By Grabthar's hammer, what a savings.

A few balloons are released into the air.

28ACOMPUTER STORE - LATER

The actors hand out pamphlets and sign the occasional autograph.

Fred pats Alexander's back, who stares ahead, morose. Around the

corner, JASON appears, looking around with a disoriented yet

exhilarated twinkle in his eye.. He spots his friends and starts

quickly toward the cast table but runs smack into the group of

FANS led by Brandon. Brandon and Jason go down, along with an

armful of GALAXY QUEST collectables.

BRANDON:

Commander!... My apologies.

Brandon is nudged by his friend KYLE.

BRANDON:

Commander... Evidently we had miscommunication regarding

yesterday's scheduled voyage, and-

But Jason, still in a haze, simply gathers his things and walks

off. The other nerds look at Brandon.

KYLE:

He dissed us AGAIN, Brandon!

BRANDON:

(hiding his disappointment)

He probably... Has some very important business to attend to...

HOLLISTER:

(just letting off steam)

Maybe we should just start a Star Trek club!

The others turn, silent, incredulous. Brandon looks at Hollister

with hard, cold eyes. Pacino's scene with Fredo.

BRANDON:

Don't EVER say that to me again.

He walks away. The others stare at Hollister.

28BACTORS' TABLE

The actors look up to see JASON approaching.

ALEXANDER:

Do you know what time it is? Why did you even bother to show up?

Jason has so much to say he can't get out a word. Gwen notices

his wrinkled slept-in clothing, and wild eyes.

GWEN:

Jason... Are you all right?

Jason POINTS to the sky, grasping for words.

JASON:

I was there. (a beat) Up. There...

(intense)

They came to the convention. I thought they were fans, but

they're not. They took me up to their ship. They're called

Thermians or Thatians, I don't know. I was a little hungover...

(actors exchange glances)

What they built... It's incredible I fought this man, this...

THING... called Sarris. I kicked his ASS... They have these...

pods. One took me THROUGH a black hole.

(crazy smile. The others stare)

I know. I know what you're thinking. But I can prove it. Look!

They gave me this!

5/4/99 (GOLDENROD)

He searches his pockets frantically and produces the interstellar

vox. The thing blinks its little red light. He motions

victoriously. The others exchange glances, then produce their own

blinking voxes and set them on the table.

JASON:

Yes, but can you talk to people in SPACE on yours? (into Vox:)

Protector this is the Commander. Come in protector...

The others exchange glances. Alexander turns to Gwen.

ALEXANDER:

God, what an ass.

JASON:

COME IN PROTECTOR... PROTECTOR...

Tommy rolls up his sleeve ready for a fight.

TOMMY:

That's it, It's go time.

GWEN:

Don't do it, Tommy. He's not worth it.

Jason notices a label on his vox that reads "Property of Brandon

Wheeger." He looks around for Brandon.

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