Gambit Page #3

No, I understand. No, I understand.

Right. Cheers.

Hey! Is this bothering you?

Not at all.

- I'm going to make some tea.

- OK.

- What you got hanging here?

- Sorry?

On your wall. Is this a Monet?

Careful.

Alfred Sisley. They were contemporaries.

It's of his son, Pierre.

The boy was ten at the time, I think.

Sure is small.

It cost me a ridiculous amount of money.

Rather put me in a hole.

I like it.

It's nice.

It's very beautiful.

- Good morning.

- You know what time it is, mate?

Yes, Mr Knowles. It's just coming...

Morning.

Psst. Come on, wake up.

He can see us now.

Creating and distributing news,

sports and entertainment.

- Come on, let's go.

- It's a jungle out there.

The lion's share of the world's media.

Shabandar. Hear us roar.

- Let me do the talking.

- Sure.

Ms Puznowski.

- Howdy.

- Delighted to meet you.

Good grief, Deane.

What happened to you?

A fellow in the pub expressed

a preference for Matisse over Czanne.

Had to set him straight.

I'm joking, of course.

Love Matisse. Use of colour.

No, bent down to pick something up,

bookshelf in the way. Hello, bango.

So, shall we sit?

So, how do you find London?

Well, everybody knows

the answer to that one.

You turn right at Greenland.

Indeed. And where are you staying?

Er, well, one of them,

erm, big hotels downtown.

I can't remember the name of it.

You remember, Harry?

- Connaught.

- Me neither.

- But it's one of them big ones.

- The Connaught.

We spoke about the Connaught Hotel.

That's a stupid name.

Staff seems pretty can-do.

You certain about the Connaught?

- Sorry?

- It's fine, I suppose.

But I'll make a few calls,

get our friend in at the Savoy.

- I much prefer it.

- Sir, there's really no need.

Let him do it, Harry. I'm sure

the service is plenty good there, too.

Good anywhere, I reckon,

if you got the do-re-mi.

And I don't mind shelling it out.

I guess Harry here told you about

this here painting I'm aiming to unload.

Ms Puznowski feels that in light of

the precedential value of the piece...

You're hardly her agent, Deane.

And anyway, Ms Puznowski seems

perfectly capable of expressing herself.

Well, yes, sir.

Yes, sir. English is my mother tongue.

But you don't have to Ms Puznowski me.

No, you can call me PJ. Or Jammies.

That's my rodeo handle.

Or Philomena, which is my real name.

Well, thank you, PJ.

And you may call me Lionel.

Let's hope doing business

on a first-name basis

will be conducive to plain speaking

and clear understanding.

Amen to that, Lionel.

Well, then, let's get to it.

I want 12 million

for this here picture.

That's 6,000 tons

if I've clone my math right.

And maybe you'd like to throw in

a nice four-by-four to haul it off in,

with an auto tranny, a CD deck

and graduated tint on the windshields.

Please and thank you.

Well, that's marvellous,

and tell me, PJ,

what makes you think

this painting is worth 12 million?

Well, Lionel, first off, it's oil.

Ain't it, Harry?

Indeed, the medium is oil,

and its provenance is promising.

But I would like to take it to your

country house to compare it to its mate.

- Is it being shipped in?

- Arrives Tuesday.

You can run it up to the house.

We'll take a look at it

at the gala on Wednesday.

- You've never been to the house.

- No, sir, no. I...

I have an annual party

up at the estate.

That sounds nice. That's another thing

I got going in my favour.

You've got this other Haystacks,

and the man ain't churning 'em out,

what with his being dead an' all.

So, looks like if you want the set,

I got you by the short and curlies.

I don't think it's a situation

of one party trying to subdue the other.

Nonsense. It's a pleasure doing business

with someone who knows her position

and is able to clearly set it out.

Unfortunately I have

another appointment at 11 o'clock.

But I believe this is worth pursuing.

Let's see if we mightn't find

some common ground.

Why, thank you. A gentleman.

Thank you.

I'm booked the rest of the day

and I have a business dinner.

But a thought occurs to me. Perhaps

you might be my dinner companion.

We'd have time to talk and you might

even help me with a business matter.

Thank you. That would be delightful.

Don't bother yourself, Deane.

I'm sure PJ and I can handle things.

To plain speaking.

- Yes, sir.

- Going down.

- Shall we say eight o'clock?

- Sure.

Pick you up at...?

- The Savoy.

- Why not?

As I drove the two of them

to the most expensive hotel in London,

I was rather taken by Ms Puznowski.

Her invigorating lack of decorum

would have enraptured my younger self.

Still, for the successful execution

of the plan,

Mr Deane would require a firm hand

to bring her into line.

I won't deny

I doubted the strength of his wrists.

I don't think

I need to remind you, do I,

of the consequences

of room service?

- Uh-huh.

- This place is absurdly expensive.

Well, this was all your idea.

- Not your actually staying here.

- It's not my fault neither.

We told him our story and either

we keep laying on the bamboozlement

or we might as well

pack it in and go home.

Mamacita! I bet this place has cable.

What are you doing?

The Major gave me a rag to dry this

and, good God,

I believe it has motor oil on it.

Hello. Do you have a single room?

Very, very small. Tiny, in fact.

Just for one evening.

Certainly, sir. I'll just take a look.

Not even the whole evening necessarily.

We could just use it for...

We are rather hemmed in

at the moment, sir.

All I see for this evening is a very

comfortable suite overlooking the river.

We'll take it.

Hold on. What's the tariff?

Hoss, if you're gonna nickel-and-dime

me, we can call this whole thing off.

- I'm beginning to have second thoughts.

- Why would you have second thoughts?

There's moral issues. Right and wrong.

What would my momma have said

if she saw me deceiving somebody

with you and your little Major?

The Major has made quite a mess here.

It's really embarrassing.

- Don't you feel a little ashamed?

- I'm not remotely ashamed.

- Just run that through.

- Sir, I already have.

There seems to be a problem with this

card. Perhaps you've exceeded the limit.

Bloody hell. Alright, try the... This

is a mistake. Try the American Express.

I don't know why I worry.

You ain't up to it anyway.

- You or the Major.

- The Major is quite capable.

- Well!

- What? What's the laugh for?

Laughing at the Major?

He's handled better than you.

He's been in any number

of sticky spots in and out.

Should you choose to play coy

this late in the game,

the Major would be aroused

and I could not be held responsible

for the consequences.

From what I've seen,

ain't nothin' gonna arouse the Major.

Very good, sir.

This one worked brilliantly.

There you are. That's room 344.

This evening, it is very important

to stay on topic. Keep it businesslike.

The man is not above mixing

the professional with the personal

- to get what he wants.

Rate this script:3.0 / 1 vote