Game Night Page #10

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and I staged a kidnapping

of my own.

You gotta be kidding me.

What better way

to prove my worth

as a game night participant?

Well, what about these dudes?

Are they actors?

Oh, no. They're...

They're felons.

Felons?

I was able to shave some

time off of their parole

in exchange for

this little side project.

- We square now?

- Thank you, gentlemen.

That lady hit me with the car.

Hey, what the hell kinda

psycho are you?

You put us through all this,

just for your own amusement?

No, no. Just the opposite.

For your amusement.

Did everyone have fun?

- No! No.

- Yeah. No.

- No fun! I got shot!

- By me!

I don't see

how that's possible.

My men were using blanks.

Well, that was my gun.

It was a real gun.

So, this whole thing,

the Faberge egg,

The Bulgarian.

That was you?

You've lost me.

The egg, the WITSEC list?

It's all you.

All part of your game?

This is a list of people in the

Federal Witness Protection program.

- How did you get this?

- From inside the egg.

Stop f***ing with us.

It's over!

I'm not fudging with you.

I honestly have no idea

what...

Oh, boy. Yikes!

I mean, how stupid

do you think we are?

- Hey, Max...

- Gang, are we looking

at the big twist here?

He gets shot again!

And by who?

A couple of new characters

you introduce

at the last minute.

Dude, you've jumped the shark!

Do you go to the magic shop

to buy a bunch

- of these little bullets?

- No.

Hang on.

This is Officer Kingsbury.

We got a 10-00

on the 4th Street...

Which one of you

is Brooks Davis?

It's funny, you don't look

like an a**hole.

Do I look like

as a**hole to you?

No.

One of us has to be the

a**hole in this transaction

because otherwise

I'd have my egg,

and you'd have your money.

But instead, we've wasted

our night tracking you down.

Now we're gonna

have to kill you.

- What? No, no, no, no.

- What?

Mr. Bulgarian, I'm assuming?

Hi, I'm Max.

I'm Brooks' brother.

And you know, look.

He screwed up.

- Right? You got greedy.

- Oh, yeah.

He admits it.

Good news is, though,

that we got your egg.

It is broken.

Uh, my screw-up.

But, um, I got the list.

Which I bet you've been after

this whole time.

What about this?

How about

you take this list

for free, and we all go

our separate ways?

Nobody gets hurt.

Uh, except the poor folks

on this list, I'm guessing.

Okay.

Okay?

Deal. Makes perfect sense.

No, no. You give him

that list, he's gonna kill me.

That's nonsense.

What the hell

is wrong with you?

I'm just trying to buy myself

some time.

Not much.

We're just gonna cut it out

of you on the jet. Take him.

Don't follow us, Max.

I'm serious!

I'm not worried about that.

You just letting them go?

Yeah, they've done

nothing wrong.

Only this one.

- Let's go.

- Don't follow us!

Gary! He's breathing.

You know, the only

private air terminal

around here is at Conway.

Yeah. How are we

gonna get there?

Brooks' house is not

that far from here.

But our car's not there.

Yeah, it is.

You know,

you don't have to do this

because I can just

poop it out.

We're not gonna go digging

through your feces.

That's disgusting!

Now, hold still

while I cut your stomach open.

No, no! No! Whoa!

What the hell?

- Is that...

- That's my brother.

Get us in the air.

Now!

- Hold on!

- Oh!

- You all right?

- Yeah, you?

- Yup, good.

- Okay.

Okay, okay. What's our plan?

I have one idea.

It's so crazy,

though, baby,

it just might work.

You're gonna crash the car

into the plane,

like Liam Neeson in Taken 3?

He did that in Taken 3, huh?

- All right, are you ready?

- Uh-huh.

Here we go!

Oh, my God!

Uh, you missed it.

Thanks, baby.

Brooks, we're coming!

Whoo!

Well, at least I got to

drive it for 10 minutes.

Oh, my God.

- We have to hide.

- Yeah.

Okay. Go.

Oh, sh*t! Sh*t!

Go, go, go! It's stuck.

F***!

God damn it!

Where you at, lady?

Come on, you little b*tch.

I know you're back here

somewhere.

Let's end this sh*t.

I won't kill you. Come out!

Come on,

get your ass out here!

Turn on the belt!

- I'm not gonna hurt you.

- Look at the box!

- Just come on out, let's talk!

- Can you charade it to me?

Charades?

That's some

cute full-circle bullshit.

Here we go. Three words.

Come on, lady. Where are you?

Turn.

Turn, turn, turn. Turn.

On.

Turn on. Turn on what?

Turn on what?

Turn on belt?

Turn on belt!

Boy, that's a slow belt.

Hey!

- Okay.

- Oh, God! Annie!

Oh, boy, that was...

You saw what I was going for,

though, right?

Yeah, yeah.

But then did you see

when I hit him

with the fire extinguisher?

- I sure did. I sure did, yeah.

- That was cool, right? Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Great.

Do you want this?

I don't want you to have it,

Calamity Jane.

All right, look.

I think I saw a hatch

at the top of the plane.

Maybe I can get

the drop on him.

- "The drop?"

- Yup, yeah.

- Who are you?

- Why don't you go use the emergency phone?

Call for help.

I'm gonna do the drop.

Okay. You're not Liam Neeson!

- That hurts my feelings!

- I'm sorry!

That's enough of this sh*t.

Max!

I can't get the drop

on anyone tonight.

Put that little knife down!

Right now! That's it.

Ahh!

Right in my bullet hole.

Come on, come on, come on.

Sh*t!

Stop!

Drop it!

Wait, wait. Um...

You don't have to do this.

I have kids at home.

Not with that ass you don't.

Oh. Well...

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Sh*t!

Yes!

Oh, no, he died!

And that's how you get

the drop on someone!

Oh, my God!

Oh. Oh!

- I gotcha! I gotcha!

- This is high.

You're amazing.

- You can cut me loose now.

- Thank you!

Okay. Okay, okay.

- Uh...

- Yeah. In the bag.

- This? Okay.

- Look in the bag.

- That's right.

- Okay.

Oh! Thank you!

- Okay. You all right?

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Whoa. Well, look at that.

You put a bungee cord

in your hand,

you go straight

to the pervy place, don't you?

Hey. You saved my life.

Thank you.

- You okay?

- Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I just saw a man die,

but I'm... I'm okay.

Is that a knife

in your bullet hole?

Uh-huh. Hey.

I wanna have a baby.

Uh, what?

I used to think

that I wanted Brooks' life,

but, you know,

turns out he was just...

You're a loser.

He's a loser.

Uh, guilty.

But us making a family?

That's not pellets.

That's the fruit.

That's fruit, it's fruit.

Wait. What's going on?

Plus, think about all the

dum-dums that have kids, right?

And think about

how much better

our kid is gonna be

than their kids.

It's gonna beat their kids

at everything.

It's taken you this long

to see that?

Our baby is gonna crush

every other baby.

I'm sorry, that's right. And

not in that peak-too-early,

you know,

kid actor kind of way.

Mmm-mmm. No.

We will parcel out

his or her gifts over time.

- Absolutely.

- Yes.

We gotta teach it Mandarin

right away.

'Cause China's the future.

- It sure is.

- Yeah.

- You're the future.

- Oh, my God.

Hmm?

And that concludes

my game night.

- What?

- What?

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