Game Over, Man! Page #9

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You know what I'd call him?

Jared Jr.

-Hey, f*** you.

-F*** you.

You just earned yourself a deep tissue.

This guy and the f***ing puns, am I right?

Oh, my God.

You f***ed up

You f***ing Nazi whore

Well, you dicked me over

Alexxx, look.

You f***ed up

...you b*tch

You really f***ed up

Ohh!

Am I dead?

Is he dead?

Ew.

This dude definitely

just sh*t himself, didn't he?

Yeah.

That was a really good idea

about the oil spill.

Yeah, thanks. I wasn't, uh, sure

what your plan was, but yeah.

Yeah, I didn't really have a plan, per se.

I mean, it is me, after all, so...

I just wanted to do something selfless

for you guys for once.

Yeah.

And that's what you bring

to the table, man.

When we're ready to just lay down and die,

you step up.

I would cry if it wasn't such

a b*tch-ass thing to do.

So I'm not going to.

-Don't cry.

-Do not cry.

Got this.

But I will let you guys know...

that I f***ing love you, dog.

-I really love you.

-Darren, I f***ing love you.

Count me in.

What's up?

-And also with you.

-Take it, just take it.

That's fine. I'm okay with you repressing

your emotions for now,

because I understand

the type of upbringing that you've had.

And just know

that if we make it out of here alive,

I wanna see those upgrades.

I wanna be that dude that...

...that helps you guys

get your ideas made.

I wanna be the fertilizer. I am the sh*t.

And you guys are the little idea seeds

that are gonna be planted within me,

and we are gonna blossom...

...and make a little Skintendo flower.

You know what?

Let's build Skintendo right now.

Don't know what I said.

I sort of was just talking.

Let's do it. Tonight.

But why? For what?

To kill bad guys.

-F*** yes.

-So what do you say?

Baby Dunc, you ready?

Sorry.

Joel.

-You up for this?

-Yeah.

I can make it happen.

And I think I know how. Oh!

-Just got my baby hairs.

-Sure.

How exactly does

this friend-control mode thing work?

Okay, so you know how the suit

can control the character in the game?

I do, yeah.

Friend-control mode

takes that concept to another level.

But I didn't have any of my material,

so I had to use the electro stim pads

to control his muscles.

Unfortunately, I ran out of stim pads,

so it can pretty much

just walk and spin.

Which is why I loaded the fists

full of those lava stones.

So it's kind of like a, uh,

swinging sledgehammer type thing.

Nice work, Joel.

Sledgehammer spin-punching

robo-zombie.

- Yeah.

- Cool.

And the air fresheners are because...

-He sh*t himself earlier.

-Mm-hm.

-So...

-In the spa.

-Little funky.

-Right, okay. Let's see something.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, punching. Oh.

-Ooh, sh*t!

-Nice.

- It's good.

- Cool.

Okay, uh-oh.

-Give me a shimmy-shimmy.

-We should, uh...

Shake-a-shake-a-shake.

-Dab it on him. Dab it on him.

-...attack?

-Alexxx, let's attack, please.

-Wiggle, wiggle.

Yep, okay, yep.

Nope, nope! No, no, no, no.

-Okay, all right.

-It's just actually...

no, I'm not ready.

I have to tell you guys something,

and it's been weighing on me

for a long time.

- I am...

- A gay guy.

Yep, we know. Zero to hero, go!

Just don't have time, sorry.

Rich, where have you been?

And what...

what are you-- what are you wearing?

Yo. It's the suit.

F*** you, bad guys.

F*** you, bad guys!

Gimme fuel, gimme fire

Gimme that which I desire

Be prepared to meet your maker,

motherf***er!

Fists of fury, b*tch!

Yeah...

Yeah! Oh, I spun right-- you saw that.

What do you mean,

"we know"?

You've come out to us a hundred times.

It's your drunk thing. Get the guy.

Yeah, the first time was prom

our senior year,

and then a bunch of times in New Orleans.

Something about Bourbon Street, man.

It brings it out of you, and then...

Then when we got Osama bin Laden,

we all got really drunk,

and you wouldn't shut the f*** up

about how gay you were.

Why didn't you say anything?

This sh*t weighs heavily on me.

You've never brought it up sober,

so we were kind of waiting for you to...

well, do what you're doing now.

This is the moment, yeah.

I suppose this is the moment.

And by the way, congrats on coming out.

- This is a big deal.

- Yeah.

-Huge.

-That is huge.

Hey, look, the Skintendo Joysuit's

working. That's awesome.

-Damn right.

-Yeah, I'm actually really surprised

the Dirt Devil batteries

aren't overheating.

Quench my thirst with gasoline

Gimme fuel, gimme fire

Gimme that which I desire

Oh, God, and that is the Dirt Devil

batteries overheating.

That was f***ing dope.

Let's do this.

Well, let's f*** some sh*t up.

Whoa, Joel,

suddenly not scared of everything.

Yeah. That was when I was in the closet.

Now I'm the most powerful thing

in the world...

a pissed-off gay dude.

Stay in the back,

because we have guns and you don't.

-Yep.

-Don't need one.

-Ready?

-Let's do this.

Let's do this!

Let's do this sh*t!

Dew'd Crew!

Bump it, bump it...

Stop shooting, or he's dead.

Yo, butler dude! It's over, man.

I am not a butler!

Yeah, right, and we're not waiters.

We're not.

-Well, we're waiters.

-We're like-- okay.

Look, cops have the place surrounded,

so drop your guns!

Good advice.

Put... your guns... down.

Erma!

-What happened to your face?

-Shut up!

Go get the money.

Let's go!

Excuse me, ma'am.

I do not appreciate the way

you've been trying to kill us tonight.

-I don't think she cares, man.

-Mm.

Erma, have your fun

and get up to the roof.

Alan, grab what you can.

Oh, sh*t, your boyfriend's leaving.

You should probably roll with him, right?

He is not... my boyfriend!

Okay, you're single. Cool. What's up?

I... am a trained killer on a job.

And you...

are in my office.

Uh, Joel, what are you doing?

She's gonna blow your brains out, man.

You... need to apologize.

Okay?

He's gay now.

Oh, sh*t.

I don't do apologies, f*ggot.

Ooh, I know you didn't

just call me the F word!

Joel, you haven't even f***ed a dude yet.

Yes, I have.

And in the butt's better than vagina.

-Way better.

-Chicks have butts too, though.

Oh! Whoa, dude, I just slapped

the sh*t out of her.

-Yeah, you did.

-That was awesome. Nice, Joel.

-Look out!

-Watch out!

Oh!

This ends now!

-Oh, man!

-Oh, no.

-Get him, Erma!

-Come on, Joel!

Let's go, Joel!

Take that!

-Yeah!

-Little f***er!

Yeah, f*** you, b*tch!

You like that? You like picking on people

'cause they're different?

No, no! Joel!

Right in the numbers.

Yes!

Yes!

-You get outta here.

-Ha!

Ho, ho, ho, ho!

Baby Dunc with the slam dunk.

Yes! Tom f***ing Brady!

-Not Tom Brady.

-No.

-He plays football, not basketball.

-Slam dunk.

If anyone's Tom Brady, it's my man Mitch.

-We thought you were dead, dude.

-Mitch, your dick.

Eh, don't worry about it, boys.

We live in Los Angeles.

Eh, I give it eight weeks before me

and the Swamp Thing get reattached,

or regrown, or whatever the hell

they're gonna do to get us back

to f***in' half this town,

am I right, boy?

Is everybody okay? Huh?

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