Garden State Page #3

- I think I can handle it.

Yeah? Okay.

It's good.

I like it.

- So, what are you here for?

- What are you here for?

Waiting for a friend. You?

I, uh...

Oh, f***, that was nosy.

I'm sorry.

I am so nosy. I didn't...

I didn't mean to be. I'm sorry.

No, I just... I get these headaches.

I just want to have it checked out.

Cool.

- Andrew Largeman?

- Yes.

- We're ready for you now.

- Oh, okay.

- Thank you. Nice meeting you.

- You didn't. I'm Sam.

Andrew.

Nice to meet you.

Good luck with your head.

Thanks.

Don't worry, Sam.

We'll be with you next.

- Mr. Andrew Largeman?

- Yes, hi.

- There's absolutely nothing wrong with you.

- What?

Just kidding.

How would I know that? Uh...

I'm Dr. Cohen.

What can we do

for you today, Andrew.

Um, I've been getting these

really intense headaches.

Um, they last for

like a split second.

It's like lightning, like a surge

of electricity, and then it's gone.

Lithium?

How long have you been

on the lithium?

Um, I've been on some form of it

since I was 10 or so.

And the Paxil,

Zoloft, Celexa...

Depakote...

did they, uh,

help you at all?

No.

I mean,

I don't know. Uh...

It's recently occurred to me I might not

even have a problem.

Only, I'd never know it because as far back

as I can remember, I've been medicated.

I left them

in L.A. Though.

This is, uh, the first time I haven't had

medicine in my body for... a long time.

You know that stuff will

leave your body pretty fast.

- I can write you a prescription.

- Actually, I was thinking about

taking a little vacation.

Have you discussed this

with your psychiatrist?

Uh, well,

my psychiatrist is my dad.

Yeah. So I think he'd

prefer me to stay on it.

He... likes to think

it makes me happy.

You know, our bodies are capable

of doing some very funny things...

when they're consumed

with stress and anxiety.

Uh...

I found my ex-best friend's

cuff links in my wife's purse.

I couldn't get an erection

for a year and a half...

for example.

Wow. Um...

But I don't really think

that's it because I don't...

I don't really feel like

stressed or anxious at all.

'Cause all the lithium he's had you on.

It's amazing you can even hear me now.

Look, Andrew, uh,

first of all...

I think you do need to find

a psychiatrist that isn't your father.

That's something that should have

been remedied years ago.

He knows better.

And secondly, uh, I'm in

no position to comment on...

whether you should stay on the meds or not

because I don't know your story.

But my opinion,

since you're paying for it...

is that, yeah, those drugs may help you

as a means to an end...

but sooner or later, if you're not

in some sort of therapy...

whatever's going on in your mind will find

a way to peek its little head out of the water.

- Are you all right?

- Yeah.

Yeah, you're all right.

You're alive.

Come on.

I'll take a look at you. Come.

I'll need you to take your shoes off.

I have to scratch your feet.

So why were you

really there?

Charging.

I'm a robot.

- Do you lie a lot?

- What do you consider a lot?

Enough for people

to call you a liar.

- People call me lots of things.

- Is one of them "liar"?

I could say no, but how would

you know I'm not lyin'?

I guess I could choose

to trust you.

- You can do that?

- I can try.

Whose bike is that?

It was my grandfather's.

It was the only thing he left to anyone

in my family, and he left it to me.

And I like it.

So this is the point in the conversation

where you ask me if I'd like a ride home.

- It is?

- Yep.

Would you like a ride home?

Fine. But I'm not

getting in that sidecar.

- Why not?

- Sidecars are for b*tches.

Anyone who rides in that

is automatically your b*tch.

Thus, I will ride

on the back.

- Whoa.

- Hold on tight.

Okay. Holdin'.

My hair is blowin'

in the wind.

What, are you

like a hang glider?

My boyfriend was gonna

pick me up so I brought it.

- But then he couldn't.

- What does he have? One of those tandem things?

No. He drives a Ninja.

Goes way faster than this guy.

- But what kind of helmet is that?

- You can wear it on a bike.

- Anyway, how's your head?

- I should live through the day.

Cool.

Make a right here.

Are you doing

anything right now?

- Can you elaborate on "doing anything"?

- I know this guy, Jesse.

He bought this mansion

that's right up here...

and he wants me

to come visit him.

But I don't want to stay very long.

I was thinking, like if you came too...

I could just say I have to take you home

when I'm ready to go.

Wow. That's pretty damn

random of you, Andrew.

- I know.

- "Nice to meet you. Can I use you?"

- No.

- It's the Hollywood in you, I guess.

No. Come on.

It's not like that. It'll be fun.

I'll tell you what, we can have like...

like a signal.

Like, when you pull on your ear,

that's the code.

And then I'll be like, "Oh, I got to

take her home." And then we'll go.

Can we have

code names too?

If you want.

Okay. But don't try

and like kidnap me or anything...

'cause my step-uncle's a bounty hunter

and he could have you tracked and killed.

You're such a liar.

Whoo!

Okay. You ready?

I'll be fine. Am I the first boy

you've ever brought home?

No. But, um...

I lied to you before when I told you

my boyfriend drives a Ninja.

- He doesn't drive a bike?

- No, I don't have a boyfriend.

But, you know,

he might drive a Ninja.

- Wherever he is.

- Wow. We're off to a great start.

Okay. So...

So sometimes I lie.

I mean,

I'm weird, man.

About random stuff too.

I don't even know why I do it.

It's like...

It's like a tic.

I mean, sometimes I hear myself

say something, and then I think...

"Wow, that wasn't even

remotely true."

So how do people know

what's real?

Well, I always feel bad afterwards

and admit them when they're lies.

Can you trust that?

Open the door.

Okay.

Okay.

Kevin, down.

Mom!

Come on. Kick him in the balls.

Kick him in the balls.

Mom!

All right! Everybody down!

Who wants to eat?

Do you want to eat?

Then get the f*** off him.

Kevin!

Get off!

I'm so sorry. Wejust don't have

the time to train them.

Who's got the time

to train them?

- Mom, this is Andrew.

- Welcome.

Welcome.

I'm sorry the place is a wreck.

Honey, I asked you to get

the metal wheel out of the hamster cage.

- I forgot.

- Well, you forgot and now Jelly's dead.

Luckily, I got Peanut Butter out in time.

We have to get

the only hamsters on planet Earth...

who can't figure out

a stupid hamster wheel.

There's a tin box

on the kitchen counter.

You can do the honors.

I have to get to work.

- It's nice to meet you. Andrew, right?

- Yes.

Andrew.

Very nice to meet you.

Samatha, put the clothes

in the dryer and buryJelly.

So this is it.

- It's nice.

- No, it's not.

Don't say that just 'cause

you can't think of anything else.

I'm not. I'm not.

It's... It's very cozy.

You guys are a little early

on the tree though.

Yeah, we never got around to taking it down.

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