Garden State Page #4

When it got to be fall again...

we figured,

"Just leave it up."

Oh, my God. You're totally freaked out.

You're totally freaked out right now.

- You, like, can't wait to leave.

- I'm not. I'm not. I like it.

- It's very nice.

- Well, you wanna see my room?

Sure.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Titembay, this is my friend Andrew.

Andrew, this is my brother, Titembay.

- Hi. It's very nice to meet you.

- Oh, it's nice to meet you.

- I'm sorry aboutJelly.

- Oh, that's okay.

I saved some mac and cheese for you.

It's in the fridge.

Thank you.

Anyway, I'm late for class.

It's nice meeting you.

- Very nice to meet you.

- See you later.

So here we are.

It's nothing fancy,

but you know... What?

Uh, it's... Titembay, right?

Yeah, it's weird, huh?

You're, like, so freaked out right now.

You're running for the door. It's okay.

You can go. Don't feel bad. It's really...

- Stop doing that.

- What?

The whole thing you just did. I wanna be here.

If I didn't, I wouldn't be.

Trust me, my family is way more

f***ed up than yours. Okay?

Okay.

So, Titembay.

- Yeah, he's my brother.

- Is he adopted or...

Kind of. My mom adopted him

from Sally Struthers like years ago.

One of those "For the cost

of a cup of coffee a day" sort of things.

Where she's like, "How can you

just sit there and not help the children?"

And we couldn't. We just couldn't sit there

and not help the children.

So we start sending him like

pictures and letters and stuff for years...

but then I got really into ice-skating,

so we sort of forgot about him.

Then one day we get this phone call

and it's Titembay.

And he's at the dry cleaners

around the corner.

And he's like, "I'm at Rutgers.

I live in the dorms...

but I'm used to living with my tribe

so I'd rather live with a family."

And he's been living

with us ever since.

Wow.

Yeah. I know.

He's the most amazing guy.

You gotta hear his stories. He struggled

through so much because he wanted to learn.

When I think of what

he's accomplished, I just...

I just feel,

like, lazy. You know?

He's studying criminal justice at Rutgers,

and when he was a baby...

he was one of those kids with,

like, the flies all over his face.

Wow.

I mean,

i-it's a crazy story.

Yeah, I know. I mean, that's a true story.

I am not that good.

This is Tickle.

- What is Tickle?

- Tickle's my favorite thing in the whole world.

It's all that's left

of Nanny, my blanket.

- Tickle's all that remains.

- Mm-hmm.

- Was there like a hurricane or something?

- Shut up.

No, I mean, I've had this

since I was a baby.

It's what they brought me home

in from the hospital.

- It's like the Wailing Wall.

- What?

Uh, the Wailing Wall

is like this, uh...

It's like the most holy place

forJews to go and pray in Israel.

It's all that's left of this enormous temple

that was destroyed by the Romans.

So you're like

reallyJewish.

- What?

- You are, aren't you?

- You are.

- No, I'm not.

L-I'm Jewish,

but I'm not reallyJewish.

I don't do anything Jewish.

I don't go to temple or anything.

But I don't know anyJews

that go to temple.

TheJews I know,

they go on one day.

- It's Yom Kippur, the Day of Repentance.

- Okay.

Did you know that most temples

are built with moveable walls...

so that on the one day of the year

when everyone comes to repent...

they can actually make the room

big enough to hold everyone?

I don't really

believe in God.

- Just Tickle.

- Oh, I believe in Tickle.

- We're not gonna make out or anything.

- What?

I'm sorry.

I just totally ruined that moment, didn't I?

- No, no.

- It's just that we're not gonna make out, okay?

- Oh, no, I hadn't planned on trying...

- Oh, my...

I am so lame.

That was like really... I am...

I'm sorry.

Forget I just said that. I am...

That was dumb. And...

- You know what I do

when I feel completely unoriginal?

- What?

I make a noise or I do something

that no one has ever done before.

And then I can feel unique again

even if it's only for like a second.

So, no one's

ever done that?

No, not in this spot. No. You just witnessed

a completely original moment in history.

- It's refreshing. You should try it.

- Oh, no. Thanks.

- No, come on.

- I think that was good enough for both of us.

Come on.

What are you, shy?

This is your one opportunity

to do something...

that no one has done before and that no one

will copy again throughout human existence.

A-And if nothing else, you'll be remembered

as the one guy who ever did this.

This one thing.

Uh...

How was that?

Oh, I've done

that one before.

So, uh...

So, uh...

I gotta go bury this hamster

before the dogs eat him.

Wanna help? Hmm?

- Wow.

- Yeah.

- I mean, this is, uh...

- I know.

It's not that we're bad

pet owners or anything.

It's just, you know, we've had

so many of them over the years.

Besides,

a lot of these are fish.

After you.

All right.

Sit down.

What are you

thinking about?

- Now?

- Yeah.

- Right now?

- Yeah.

Right now, I was thinking I've been

going to a lot of these things lately.

- What, dates?

- Not dates.

Is this a date?

This isn't a date.

Funerals.

Why? Who else died?

Oh, uh...

That's why I'm home actually. I guess

I haven't even told you that yet. Um...

My mom just died.

God, that's weird

to say that out loud, but, uh...

My mom just died.

And, uh...

Yeah, that's why I'm home.

I'm so sorry.

God, I'm so sorry.

And here I am, like, putting you

through another one of these.

Not thatJelly's like

anywhere near your mom's.

I mean,

we loved Jelly but...

I'm so sorry.

No, it's okay.

It's all right.

I'm all right with it.

Anyway, I think it's

what she wanted, so...

How'd she die?

She drowned actually.

Yeah, my, uh...

My mother was a paraplegic.

She was in a wheelchair

so she, uh...

You know, and, uh...

I guess she was

taking a bath...

and she must have

slipped or something.

That's what they say.

I don't... I don't know. But...

needless to say,

she drowned and...

that's how she...

sh-she died.

When?

This was, uh...

Sunday.

Oh, my God.

Why are you crying?

I don't know.

I'm sorry.

Because... I'm not

usually like this.

It's just like...

It's just so sad.

You know, it's like...

It's so tragic, isn't it?

It is. It's like...

It's like real life

tragedy or something.

Anyway, let's change

the subject, okay?

Let's really bring

the focus back toJelly...

'cause what could be ruder than talking

about someone else who died...

when you're in the act of

burying a close friend?

- Well, what should we do?

- I don't know. I've only been

to one of these things.

You appear to be

the expert.

Well, we usually

say something.

Okay, uh,

I'll go first. Um...

Didn't really know you, Jelly.

From what I hear, you were a good pet.

- Little trouble with the wheel but...

- That's not funny.

Jelly, you were

a great pet.

I'm sorry I forgot to take

the wheel out of your cage.

I'm so, so sorry

about that.

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