Garden State Page #5

Good-bye.

I hope that you liked me.

Holy sh*t! You scared

the sh*t out of me.

- Why are you always doing that?

- I haven't seen you in a while.

I know. I've been catching up

with people around here.

Dr. Cohen called.

There's nothing wrong with you.

Yeah, I think I'm starting

to figure that out myself.

- When are you thinking of leaving?

- Uh, probably tomorrow.

Um, you know, I got a lot of stuff

I got to take care of in L.A.

- Probably have to find a newjob, so...

- We need to talk.

Yeah, uh, how?

I mean, when?

What are you

doing... now?

Uh, now's not so good. I told my friend Mark

I was gonna meet up with him.

But how about, uh,

like later tonight?

- Okay. Then we'll talk.

- Yeah.

We owe that

to each other.

Yeah.

We owe it to her.

Yeah.

Good.

Sorry I scared you.

How could you

leave all that lithium?

I was totally going to

hit you up for some, man.

This f***ing guy.

I'm glad you're back, man.

This town is so messed up.

Everyone's got their drug of choice.

It's like in Brave New World.

You ever read that book?

Who wrote that?

Um, Aldous... Aldous something.

Aldous, uh...

Anyway...

there's like Alphas and Betas

and Epsilons and all sorts of people.

Huxtable.

Aldous Huxtable.

That's it, bro.

Andrew, would you like

to see Sam's ice-skating tape?

- Mom, no.

- Absolutely.

She was so ahead of her time.

She could have gone to the Olympics.

No, no, no, no.

I couldn't have.

Yes, you could have.

Don't blame it on the epilepsy.

- You had a gift.

- Come on. Let me see it.

Let's just show him the "Florida Stars

of the Ice"opening. The gator costume.

- Mom, I'm asking you, seriously.

- Come on. Don't be shy. Let me see it!

Oh, she wants you to see it. How could you

not want him to see how talented you are?

- Were.

- Come on.

- Come on.

- Ohh!

- Honey, what are you doing?

- I'm dusting for prints.

Well, could we move

the crime scene into the kitchen?

I want to show Andrew

Sam's skating.

But someone's been pissing on my GameCube,

and I'm about to close the case.

It wasn't me, Your Honor.

The paw prints

point to a canine. Hmm.

Andrew, come on.

Sit down here on the couch.

I can't believe you're

actually showing him this.

Look, there she is.

- You're the alligator?

- You can tell by the hands.

- Here comes the double axel.

- And...

- Land! Oh, I mean, come on. Is she good?

- Wow, she's great.

- All right.

- Wow.

- Shut up.

- No, I mean, your mom was right.

You're really good.

- This is awesome, but we gotta go.

- All right.

- Just wanted to show how talented you are.

- Mom, come on!

My baby!

All right, go on!

Go on. Get away.

Wait a minute.

Gimme a hug.

I love you so much.

I'm so proud of you.

- I love you too.

- Have a good night.

- Thanks for dinner.

- Come on! You're giving me a hug too.

- Mom! Come on.

- I'll take a hug.

- Good night. See you later, Tim.

- Bye, Tim.

Peace out, player.

I don't know. It was

the only thing I ever liked doing.

Pretending

to be someone else.

I've been so out of it lately, the only parts

I get offered are playing handicapped people.

That is not funny.

Oh, come on.

You gotta see that's a joke.

If you can't laugh at yourself, life's gonna seem

a whole lot longer than you'd like.

All right, so what are

we laughing at you about?

Mm.

I lied again.

- I have epilepsy.

- Which part are we laughing about?

I, um...

I had a seizure at

the law office where I work.

And they told me their insurance wouldn't

cover me unless I wore preventative covering.

- What's preventative covering?

- The helmet I was wearing.

Oh, come on!

That's funny.

That's really funny.

I mean, I'm the only person

who wears a helmet to work...

who isn't, like, putting out fires,

or, like, racing for NASCAR.

Well, what do you do? I mean,

I can't quit. Their insurance is amazing.

What do you do?

You laugh, you know?

I'm not saying I don't cry.

But in-between, I laugh.

And I realize how silly it is

to take anything too seriously.

Plus, I look forward

to a good cry.

Feels pretty good.

I haven't cried since

I was a little kid.

I didn't cry at my mother's funeral.

I tried, you know?

I thought of all the saddest

things I could think of.

Like, things in movies, this...

There's this image from Life magazine

that's always haunted me.

I just focused in on it,

you know?

But nothing came.

That actually made me

sadder than anything...

the fact that

I just felt so numb.

- What do you mean?

- Just that...

Hey, Vagina!

Hey, what's up, guys? Uh, Sam,

that's Mark, Dave and you rememberJesse.

- Hey.

- What's up?

Hey, nice to meet you. I'm sorry

I said "vagina"just now.

- I didn't know you were here.

- Oh, that's okay.

Nice. Let's get f***ed up.

One, two, three! Whoo!

- What are you doing?

- Largeman, get the f*** in the pool!

It's so warm!

Can't you swim?

Of course I can swim.

Dude, maybe you should stay on the steps.

I don't know C.P.R.

You look like a wet beaver.

There's a handful

of normal kid things I kind of missed.

There's a handful of normal

kid things I kind of wish I'd missed.

You know that point in your life when

you realize the house you grew up in...

isn't really

your home anymore.

All of a sudden, even though you have

some place where you put your sh*t...

that idea of home is gone.

I still feel at home

in my house.

You'll see one day when you move out.

Just sorta happens one day, and it's gone.

You feel like you

can never get it back.

It's like you feel homesick

for a place that doesn't even exist.

Maybe it's like

this rite of passage, you know?

You won't ever have that feeling again until

you create a new idea of home for yourself.

You know, for... For your kids.

For the family you start.

It's like a cycle

or something.

I don't know. But I miss

the idea of it, you know?

Maybe that's all

family really is.

A group of people that miss

the same imaginary place.

Maybe.

How about some

f***in' furniture, dude?

I bought a chair,

but I didn't like it.

- Where is it?

- It's keeping us warm.

Silent Velcro.

You lucky motherf***er.

I feel like if I had showed up at school

and presented the idea of silent Velcro...

they would have sent me away

a whole lot sooner.

- Why did they send you away?

- Oh. Listen to this girl.

- They didn't "send me away."

- You just said they sent you away.

I mean, they sent me away.

They sent me to boarding school.

"Sent me away" sounds like

I went to some asylum or something.

- There were no straps involved.

- Why did they send you to boarding school?

They sent me to

boarding school because...

they thought

I might be dangerous.

"Oh, are you freaked out?

You're like running for the door.

- You can go. It's okay. Don't feel bad."

- That's really funny.

It's really funny.

Why would they think

you'd be dangerous?

You're like

a little detective.

- Want to know?

- Yeah.

You're gay.

No. Drumroll.

I was the reason

she was in a wheelchair.

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