Gayby Page #7

As opposed to

everything else you say?.

What about instead

of hot yoga - warm yoga?.

- Lukewarm?.

- No. Warm-Warm.

Like everyone who hates

hot yoga could do it.

Pregnant women could do it.

and they'd still get

some of the benefits.

Do you think it's any good?.

No...

It sounds ludicrous.

But it's also so stupid,

maybe smart people

would love it.

Yeah...

I'm gonna take it to Linda.

It's crazy,

but it's also amazing.

It's craymazing.

I hope so.

Something's different about you.

Your energy's changed.

I don't want to talk about it.

Oh, yes, you do.

What is it?.

All the gay sex

confusing your feelings?.

No. We stopped having sex.

We're doing the

turkey baster method,

but with a cat syringe.

Did you finally realize

how totally bizarre

that whole scenario was?.

No, it's not that.

I just kind of had sex

with someone else,

and I just felt really weird

about having it with Matt.

Who was it?.

One of these dates?.

No. It's someone else.

No way!

Did you have sex with Louis?.!

Oh, my God!

How was it?.

Tell me everything

so I can imagine it was me.

You know it was

really out of nowhere.

It was, like,

really intense and...

Craymazing, obviously.

Yeah, it was also that.

But it also

just felt really wrong.

Well, sure, Jenn.

That's because

he has a girlfriend.

What?.

He did not tell me that.

- Did you ask?.

- No, but he didn't offer.

Well, he was busy

offering something else.

Oh, no, now I feel terrible.

You should.

Home-wrecker.

We sold out of the

one where he dies,

but we have plenty of the one

where he comes back to life.

No, no...

He's already alive again.

'Cause they're making

a movie about him so...

Hey, Parker!

Could you

hold on a second?.

Hi. How's it going?.

He can't stop

talking about comics.

He is hooked.

That's so cute.

Hi.

Can I help you with

anything else today?.

Okay. Bye.

Hi.

Hi.

So, I know that you

said you're busy,

but is there any night

this week that you

might want to go out

for dinner or something?.

I have Parker all week

so I can't get away.

I wish I could.

But, you know,

he's gotta come first.

I totally understand.

This has gotta be super casual.

I gotta take things slow.

Yeah, slow... Totally.

Are you sure

you're okay with that?.

Yeah, of course I'm okay.

Slow...

I can do that.

Then he's like,

"Can you handle casual?. "

And he has a kid

with his ex-wife.

Maybe he does

just wanna take it slow,

but I just...

I think I'm ready for

something more right now--

Whoa, whoa.

Can we just take

a breath here for a moment?.

- I'm trying.

- Hang up. I'm here now.

Oh, right.

Now, first let's take a moment

to celebrate the fact

that you're freaking

out about someone,

and it's not Tom.

You're right.

And it's great to hear that.

But this doesn't

sound all that different.

But I really like this guy.

You've been on what -

like, two dates with him?.

And now he says he

wants to keep it casual?.

So you either accept that,

or you stop dating him.

There's no in between.

I know, I know.

Can you do casual?.

Absolutely not.

You can't engage in this.

It's just repeating a cycle.

They say when it's hysterical,

it's historical.

What does that even mean?.

It means that if you're getting

crazy over this guy so soon,

it has nothing to do with him,

and more to do

with how you feel

when you think people

are abandoning you.

Wow.

Where'd you get that from?.

Jamie and I read

"Codependent No More"

together at work sometimes.

You're very...

full of wisdom today.

I know.

Let's just go with it.

So what's going on with

your Super Gayby book?.

Well, the only place that's

really good for it is Kapow,

and Tom works there now

so I can't bring it to him.

Matt, come on!

You have to stop

letting him get in your way.

I know.

I have to tell you something.

- Bad or good?.

- One of each.

Can you give me

the good, please?.

I don't think I can handle

the bad right now.

At work today I was

adjusting a posture,

and a woman

elbowed me in the breast.

And out of nowhere

I screamed, "Ow, my tit!"

- Your breasts aren't sensitive.

- They aren't...ever.

- Oh...

- Yeah.

- Really?.

- Really.

I went to Dr. Ushma and she

confirmed and everything.

- We're pregnant?.!

- We're pregnant!

Oh, my God!

That's amazing!

[giggling]

- Wow! I am so excited!

- Yeah.

Wait, what was the bad thing?.

I don't remember.

It mustn't have

been that important.

Are you happy?.

- So much so, yeah.

- Me too.

Hello, everyone.

I'm teaching for Jamie tonight.

Hey, Valerie.

Just find your space, okay?.

Your space.

Just take a minute.

Just be by yourself

in that space.

Yeah, hi.

What are you doing here?.

I take this class every week.

Oh, yeah, right.

Do you mind?.

No, no, no...

No.

All right, take a comfortable

seated position, long spine.

All right...

Let's take a deep

inhale through the nose...

Just this first time let's take

it out through the mouth.

Let go of the stresses

of the day.

Okay?.

Let go of your job...

your pets...

Okay?.

Let go of that confrontation

on the subway, let that go.

Your boyfriends.

Okay?. The girlfriends...

The girlfriends that you have

that you don't tell

other girls you have.

Let's just let that go.

Let us think

about responsibility.

Okay?. That word.

About being an adult.

Okay?.

All those really good qualities,

even if you don't have them...

Let's breathe that in.

And let's exhale

right on out to warrior two.

Let's hold warrior two

for a minute.

Breathing.

Well done.

Breathing.

Nice.

A little deeper.

Does it hurt?.

It should probably not hurt.

Keep your head up to the sky.

Excellent, excellent, beautiful.

Oh, this is nice.

This is very balanced.

Take care, be well.

Dude...

Why are you so mad at me?.

You have a girlfriend?.

We broke up.

I mean, we were

broken up that week.

We break up a lot.

I would never have been

with you if we were together.

I'm not like that.

- Really?.

- Really.

We had a connection.

And at the time

I was free to act on it.

Okay.

You know it was really...

it was fun.

Yeah, it was.

And I'm grateful to you.

You helped me.

How?.

After I had sex with you,

I realized I wanted

my girlfriend back.

Are you always

this much of a jerk?.

No, listen, just...

Who knows what

could have happened?.

You could have gotten pregnant.

Our whole lives could've

changed in an instant.

I'm not ready for that

with anyone else.

Great, you could've

told me that in person,

instead of leaving me a note...

Post-it note.

Yeah, that...

That wasn't cool. Sorry.

It's okay.

Thank you for not charging me.

What's different about you?.

Oh, I'm stepping up

my work game.

Trying to impress your sister.

Good luck with that.

But...

You're not

pregnant though, right?.

Why are you asking me?.

We were safe.

Yeah, but come on...

Come on what?.

You know the condom broke.

Yeah, and then you pulled out

and put another one

on immediately.

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