Get Hard Page #4

I was facing some pretty long odds.

But I buckled down and I succeeded.

When you was at Harvard,

did you ever get raped for failing a test?

I think that's more of a Yale thing.

- "Yale."

- I'm sorry.

Shut the f*** up!

Now from this point on,

this ain't your house no more.

- This San Quentin! You understand me?

- Okay.

From now on this will be your cell.

You do not leave this room

without my permission.

It's good.

- For you to sleep on, seor.

- Go on, we ain't got time for games.

Go upstairs,

turn this place into prison.

It will be our pleasure to repay you

for your many kindnesses.

Put that in there in front of the statues

with the d*cks.

James, listen to me.

The key to survival in prison lies

in the following simple questions:

Are you hard?

And can you handle yourself?

Well, this is a rare moment for optimism because

the answer to that is a resounding yes.

That's good. Let me see

what your mad-dog face look like.

- I'm sorry. What's a mad dog?

- You a mad dog!

- Oh, sh*t.

- What's your what, nigga?

- Take whatever you want!

- Let me see that!

No!

- Stop! I beg of you!

- Like a pit bull with no leash.

That's a mad dog.

Wow. I knew you were the right guy

for the job.

In prison, a mad-dog face is essential to

your survival. Do you understand me, James?

So the idea is that I make a face that conveys

the fact that I'd have no problem hurting you.

Exactly what it is.

Now, convey that sh*t. Let me see it.

Okay. Ahem.

Ha!

- That's terrible.

- Ha, ha.

No, that's horrible, man. Anger.

You gotta show me anger.

- Why you smiling?

- I'm not smiling. I'm tense and I'm agitated.

Come on, man!

- Unh!

- That's your mad... That's it?!

- Your fiance left you.

- That's right!

- You happy about that?

- No.

Then get mad! She gonna leave you?

What is she doing?

She probably on her knees sucking

somebody dick in the back seat of a truck.

Show...

James.

Oh. Oh. Come on. Come on.

- I miss her so much.

- What the f*** are you doing, James?

I'm sad-dogging you.

- James?

- You think that's a strategy that could work?

No. I don't think it's a strategy

that could work.

Hey, listen up, everyone.

I'm extremely sad.

Please don't sexually assault me.

I'm already too sad.

Hey, fellas. My heart's already been raped.

I don't wanna do this anymore.

Let's move on. Okay?

We're moving on from the mad dog.

James, can you fight?

Absolutely.

What?

You had to change your clothes for this?

What the f*** are you doing, man?

It's called capoeira.

It's a Brazilian martial art.

But don't be fooled

by its beauty and grace.

It's actually quite deadly.

This is deadly?

That's deadly?

- Stab.

- Ow.

- Stab.

- Stop.

- Stab. Stab.

- Guards! Guards!

- Stabbity-stab, stab, stab!

- Ow. Ow!

The f*** are you doing, man?

Sh*t ain't gonna save you in San Quentin!

Well, that may not,

but you haven't seen my Bno kick.

- Your what?!

- My Bno kick.

Look what your dumb ass done did. Stab.

- Stab.

- I'm dead.

Stab, stab, stab, stab.

You're so bad.

James. I gotta tell ya. I just can't

imagine what you must be going through.

It is so nice to talk to you.

What's the latest from the

investigators? - The investigators?

- Chinese hackers. They're pretty sure.

- Hey!

I know I'm not crazy. Didn't I tell you

to get off the phone? Get off the phone.

- Hey, who are you talking to?

- It's Darnell. He's helping me.

Your time is up!

- I gotta go. I'll call you back.

- Hang it up!

- If I get more phone time.

- Hang it up!

That was important to me!

When you got a line of inmates

waiting to use the phone...

...you do not wanna piss them off, James.

I'm going to f*** you up, Mr. James!

Rosa!

You watch your back on the yard.

I'm not a puto.

Great.

- All right. We got a problem.

- What's that?

James is talking to somebody.

No, no, he trusts you.

- He'll never put two and two together.

- No, stop it!

- This is your fault!

- What?

Well, you couldn't get him

to take the plea deal.

Instead of him going to prison, you got him

30 days to be out there, running around...

...f***ing things up!

I had to make it look good. You throw a fight,

you don't go down in the first round. It's fine.

I don't want him out there,

playing detective with somebody.

You keep an eye on my

ex-future son-in-law, would ya?

- And find out who this Darnell is.

- I'm on it. Right away.

There you go.

All right, James. Look, you're gonna

get in a fight on the inside. Okay?

You don't need to win,

but you need to show these guys...

...that you're not afraid to fight back. Get

used to fighting. See those guys over there?

- Yes.

- Go over there and fight one of them.

That's insane!

They're behemoths.

They would break my spine.

Those are the type of guys

you're gonna see in San Quentin.

So you gotta shake that fear. I want you to

go and punch that big-ass dude in the mouth.

Oh, my God. My heart is pounding.

Okay.

Hey, guys.

Who the f*** are you, man?

I wanna fight you.

What?

You picked the wrong day

to come to the park.

- Is this some kind of joke, man?

- You ever been mad-dogged before?

You about to get some right now,

motherf***er.

What the f*** is that, man?

It's the size of your dick.

I'm gonna break it off, make you eat it.

You f*** your mother with that dick?

How do you know my mama?!

You don't know my mama.

Oh, no.

- Aah! Aah! Aah!

- Come on! Get him! Get him!

Get back here, b*tch!

Oh, no! Please don't hurt my body! Aah!

No! My body!

Help me!

You're breaking my spine!

What happened to my tennis court?

You will no longer refer to this area as a tennis

court. From this point on, this is the yard.

Understand something, James. The yard

is the most deadliest part of prison.

It's where you get your few precious minutes

of fresh air and sunlight. Understand?

Fresh air.

How many times did I breathe in clean air,

fragrant with lavender, and take it for granted?

James, I don't give a f*** how many times.

I don't give a sh*t.

- I'm just saying.

- Shut up, James.

You gotta step carefully because

if you step in the wrong place...

...you'll end up in the wrong territory.

For a person like you that can't fight...

...it's not a good thing, James.

It's not a good thing at all.

Right now, you in the brothers-only

section. You got two seconds to get out.

- Before you get mollywhopped.

- Okay, Darnell.

- Who's Darnell?!

- You are.

My name is Leroy!

- Yeah, I suggest you walk, white boy. Walk!

- All right. I'm walking.

- Turn around and walk!

- I'm walking.

- Hey, se.

- What?

- You got a problem, gringo?

- Darnell, what are you doing?

Darnell? Who's Darnell, se?

You're looking at Carlos.

I suggest you walk wherever you came

from, se, before you have a problem.

- I was trying to leave that area.

- You need to go back...

- ...over there with the negros, se.

- With Leroy?

You go back over there with the negros!

That's where you belong.

- I don't see anyone.

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