Get Hard Page #5

- You belong with the Negros.

- Go.

- I'm going.

- F*** you calling a negro?!

- He was. I wasn't.

I told you, Carlos!

Keep that sh*t over there on your side!

- Take the Yankee with you!

- I'll go with you!

Hey, I don't want him.

He's a negro lover. You take him.

Motherf***er! Say something else, bro!

Hey! Hey, I swear to

God. I swear to God, I'll cut you, se.

- Let's just shake hands.

- There is no shaking hands, gringo.

- Friendship.

- Go back where you belong.

I don't know where I belong.

Leave him alone. I'll keep him.

You belong with me.

- Who are you?

- I'm Dante.

Why don't you leave him alone, Carlos!

Leave him alone, Leroy!

- Are you a woman?

- I am if you want me to be.

I don't want that.

- Okay, I know what you are.

- Let me hold your pocket.

- Let me hold your pocket.

- All right.

I claimed him! He mine, Leroy!

B*tch, you got two

seconds to let his f***ing pocket go. Two!

- Motherf***er! You got two seconds!

- Don't hit a woman!

- Gonna knock your ass out!

- Don't hit a woman!

You don't want my pocket.

You don't want it. So what?

Why can't I be happy?

Hey, se. I don't like you

and this domestic sh*t in front of my crew.

You think I like it?

You need to f***ing take it

somewhere else, se, huh?

Gringo, you take you

and your dirty b*tch elsewhere.

- I'll go over there.

- Don't call me dirty.

I wasn't dirty when you was up in it.

I wasn't dirty then, was I?

You were dirty then. You're dirty now.

- He ain't complaining.

- You should get tested.

No, I'm not complaining because we have

yet to have any sort of interaction.

- Tonight will be our night.

- No. Tonight won't happen.

- Be my white knight. Save me.

- Don't get your hopes up.

Let me ride you.

Let me ride you into safety.

No! I don't feel comfortable with that.

Let go of me! Leroy is going to be upset.

- I knew you were coming back.

- Motherf***er!

I knew you were coming back.

You making me mad, motherf***er!

- I'm not doing anything!

- I'm about to whoop your ass, white boy!

- I'm just standing here.

- No, you not. You got my b*tch!

- Trying to figure out a place...

- I'm your old b*tch.

We're like zebras.

- We're not like a zebra.

- We are like a zebra. You're my...

Somehow you're getting me to hug you,

and I don't know how that's happening.

That's it! That's it, gringo. I swear,

I'm getting sick of this sh*t. I'll stab you.

I'm still confused as to what piece

you are in this puzzle, Carlos.

Hold on! Hold on. Question, question.

Are there any French gangs?

I speak French. I'm not

fluent, but I can...

Can I join the gang, s'il vous plat?

You know what?

You can't fight. Since you can't fight...

...I'm left with one choice,

and that's to get your stupid ass in shape.

God! You're failing.

I've got a state-of-the-art gym

40 feet away.

Ain't no gyms in San Quentin.

Curl me, b*tch! Curl me!

Maybe I should start with a baby

at higher reps.

Hey! Hey, you!

- I wanna fight you.

- What'd you say, d*ckhead?

I wanna fight you, a**hole.

Let's just rest here.

Look at his face. He looks like

he's getting f***ed right now.

Come on!

You better not drop me! Goddamn it!

Excuse me, sir. I hate to bother you,

but I need to fight you.

I was in Nam!

And I f***ing loved it!

James, you gotta throw something back!

Darnell!

Oh.

Save me!

Attention

inmates, lockdown in five minutes.

And don't try any stupid sh*t.

What did they do to my yard?

No prison can hold James King.

- We got a runner. Mr. James is running!

- Oh, f*** me!

You're in my world now, b*tch!

Mother... Sh*t!

You're never getting out alive! Ha, ha.

F*** a bag of tits!

Release the dogs!

What? Dogs?

There's nowhere to run, Mr. James.

You don't know when to quit, Mr. James.

You couldn't get past Cecelio

and some Chihuahuas.

Tell me how you gonna escape San Quentin.

Stop wasting my time, James.

That's what happens

when you try to jump a fence illegally. Hm?

Your training's not going well, man.

Frankly, I don't feel like

you're giving me 100 percent.

And as your incarceration expert,

that concerns me.

Because it's my job to prepare you.

Fortunately, I got a plan.

Oh, thank God. Oh, that's good.

- You're gonna learn how to suck dick.

- What?!

Oh, God.

Listen up. I said I want you

to learn how to suck dick.

I heard you!

- That's your plan?

- Yes.

All I'm saying is that when life puts a

dick in your mouth, you make dickade.

"Dickade" doesn't sound like

a significant improvement over dick.

Bottom line, James!

I know what I'm talking about.

- We're talking about survival.

- I understand.

- Because that's how you survived. Right?

- No, you shut your mouth. No, it is not.

I survived with these.

- Dual hand jobs.

- No. No! I kill with these.

That's the difference between me and you.

Hence, why you need to suck a dick.

Come on, man.

Where am I gonna find someone who...?

We're at the Ivars Brasserie.

Look around you.

This is L.A.'s number-one

gay hookup scene.

- Voted "Flirtiest Brunch" three years in a row.

- What do I say? What do I literally say?

You say, "I wanna suck

your dick." Politely.

Hey, hi. I'm James.

You mind if I could give you a little head?

- Hey, I'm James.

- I wanna suck your dick.

- I wanna suck your dick.

- There you go! Just dive in!

- That's what they do.

- What if someone says no?

He ain't gonna say no.

It's a scientific fact.

According to who?

Dickapedia! Why do you care?

- Is that a real site?

- No. James, it's a... Get up.

You're gonna go to that bar.

That guy. That guy right there.

Get up, go over there, and politely ask

that man can you suck his dick.

Oh, my gosh.

I can't believe I'm about to do this.

Survival.

Go survive.

All right. I'll just go do it.

Yes, go do it.

Okay.

Come on. Are we doing this or not, okay?

Yes, we're definitely doing it.

Hey, I was nervous the first time

I did karaoke, right?

Just get up there and sing.

This is terrible foreplay. Come on.

- I'm gonna put it in my mouth.

- Yeah.

I'm gonna suck your di...

Your di...

I'm gonna suck your di...

That's what we're here for.

I'll gonna put your di... in my mouth.

I'm gonna give you he...

Facial.

Down the hatch! Heh.

Eating alone?

I just thought you could use

some company.

Oh... Oh.

Okay, I see what this is.

You think that you can get with me?

- Interesting topic of conversation.

- Wait. No. That wasn't a sit-down invitation.

- You're like a 6.

- Thank you.

No, it's not a compliment.

That's not a good number. I'm like a 9.

If I were to get into this game...

- You know, the gay game...

- Uh-huh.

By the way,

the gay game is a game you can win.

No, it's not, because I don't wanna play.

I'm saying "if."

There's a spot on the bench for you,

if you decide to join.

No, I'm not on the bench, man.

Okay, starter! Heh.

I'm not gay, man.

I'm here, supporting a friend,

doing some gay stuff.

I'm sorry. My name is Chris. It's short

for Christmas Came Early This Year.

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