Get Him to the Greek Page #15

Aldous stalks after Naples like a monster. *

JACKIE Q *

I love you, you crazy, crazy man! *

ALDOUS *

And I love you! *

NAPLES *

And I love both of you! *

Aldous sees Naples Fisher-Price piano and “karoake” machine. *

It’s not a real piano or karoake machine; but rather a *

brightly-colored piece of plastic that acts as one. Aldous *

hits the keys. It automatically start playing “Heads, *

Shoulders, Knees and Toes.” *

CUT TO MOMENTS LATER: *

Aldous and Jackie perform an amazing version of “Head, *

Shoulders, Knees and Toes” as Naples claps. *

EXT. JACKIE Q’S BEL AIR MANSION - POOL

Naples runs to the pool.

NAPLES:

Last one in the pool is a rottenegg!

ALDOUS:

Well I don’t want to be a rotten

egg!

Naples jumps into the pool. Aldous strips and jumps in afterhim. Jackie watches from the side and laughs.

ALDOUS (CONT’D)

I guess your mum’s the rotten egg.

NAPLES:

You are! You are!

ALDOUS:

I’m not a rotten egg. I’m the

monster!

Aldous takes Naples and throws him farther into the pool.

Naples is giggling. Jackie is giggling. Aldous looks

around. Life is perfect.

95.

ALDOUS (CONT’D)

(yelling across the poolto her)

We should get married.

JACKIE Q:

What?

ALDOUS:

Let’s do it. You love me, I love *

you. Wouldn’t you love that *

Naples?

NAPLES:

Yay!

ALDOUS:

Let’s just go get married. We

already have bundled our genes intothis perfect little moppet. Let’s

stop lying to ourselves and tie theknot already.

JACKIE Q:

Paul’s docking later this afternoonso you should probably dry off and

go.

ALDOUS:

Screw Paul Allen. Unengage him.

Screw our little boxes that we’ve

put our lives in. *

JACKIE Q:

Aldous, we’re no good together. *

ALDOUS:

Relationships are about honesty and *

I am finally ready to be honest *

with you and Naples. *

JACKIE Q:

I will be honest with you. You

were only good for the sex and thechild support cash. Now that I’m

marrying Paul I don’t need you. *

And it’s not just the money; he’salso much nicer to me than you ever

were. You and I are terrible

together. We’re just good at sex.

Sex isn’t love. Sex isn’t

commitment. Sex is sex is sex is

sex.

96.

NAPLES:

Sexsexsexsexsexsexsex!

JACKIE Q:

Suzette!

ALDOUS *

But you just told me you loved me. *

JACKIE Q *

That was then, this is now. *

ALDOUS *

That was like twenty minutes ago. *

JACKIE Q *

My emotions can’t be controlled. *

You know that. *

Suzette scoops Naples out of the pool. Naples howls. *

JACKIE Q (CONT’D) *

Now look what you’ve done.

gotten Naples all pissed.

ALDOUS:

Don’t take him away, lady!

take my son away!

NAPLES:

I don’t want to go!

JACKIE Q:

You’ve

Suzette! *

Don’t

Stop with the melodrama. You’ve *

seen him like three times in the

last five years.

ALDOUS:

That’s gonna change right now! I

love him! A son should be raised

by his father!

JACKIE Q:

Well in that case he should be

raised by Hugh Grant.

ALDOUS:

What? No. Me. He’s half me.

JACKIE Q:

No he’s not. He’s half me, he’s

half Hugh Grant. That’s the truth.

(MORE)

97.

JACKIE Q (CONT'D)

I shoulda told you six years agobut if I had you woulda stoppedsending me child support payments.

That’s not right which is why I’mgoing to pay you back. In fact

I’ll write the check right now.

ALDOUS:

I don’t care if he’s not my son! I

still love him! I LOVE YOU, KID! *

EXT. LOS ANGELES SKYLINE - DAY

Aldous walks down Mulholland, crying hysterically.

CHYRON:
FOUR HOURS UNTIL THE GREEK.

ALDOUS:

I have no one! NO ONE!!!

He looks out over Los Angeles. He collapses. He looks down

at his phone. He scrolls through the photos on his phone.

It’s just naked trampy girl after naked trampy girl (withPatrick Dempsey thrown in). He gets to the photo of Aaronfrom the night in Vegas when he was freaking out.

INT. AARON AND DAPHNE’S APARTMENT

Aaron and Daphne are eating dinner. Aaron is holdingDaphne’s hand.

DAPHNE:

You’re really going to hold my handall the way through dinner?

AARON:

I didn’t even notice.

The doorbell rings. Aaron goes to the door and opens it, *

revealing Aldous.

ALDOUS:

So this is where you live?

AARON:

What are you doing here? You’re

supposed to be at the Greek. *

ALDOUS:

I need you with me.

98.

AARON:

If you need me I can totally go towherever you are. *

Daphne shows up behind Aaron.

DAPHNE *

My gosh, Aldous Snow! *

ALDOUS:

Are you Daphne? You are even more

lovely in person.

Daphne holds out her hand. Aldous kisses it. *

INT. AARON AND DAPHNE’S APARTMENT - MOMENTS LATER

Aaron, Daphne and Aldous are sitting in the living room.

They’re drinking wine. Aldous stares at the sculpture fromthe beginning that Aaron described as “pretty.”

ALDOUS:

I love this piece.

DAPHNE:

Thanks.

ALDOUS:

But I also hate it. It looks the

way my insides feel, all f***ed upand tossed around. It’s like

nausea in three dimensions.

AARON:

I don’t know about -

DAPHNE:

That is a relief. That’s exactly *

what I trying to create. *

AARON:

You want me to drive you to some LAhot spots? I can take you to theStandard, the Chateau --

ALDOUS:

I want nothing more than to be *

right here in your apartment.

Aaron downs his glass of wine.

99.

ALDOUS (CONT’D)

(looking at a photo)

Where’s this?

DAPHNE:

Buenos Aires. That was our first

transatlantic trip together.

ALDOUS:

The presidential suite at theBuenos Aires Ritz is the nicest

hotel room I’ve ever been to.

AARON:

Yeah, we were staying in a hostel.

ALDOUS:

Well, next time check it out. *

Also, Argentinean prostitutes are *

out of this world.

Aaron’s about to cover but Daphne giggles in an oddlyflirtatious way.

QUICK CUTS OF THEM DRINKING AND LAUGHING TOGETHER while Aaron *

looks more and more uncomfortable. *

Aldous plays and sings John Mayer’s “Daughters” on a guitar *

while Daphne and Aaron watch, holding hands. *

CUT TO LATER:

ALDOUS (CONT’D)

I am astonished and fascinated at

your longevity as a couple.

AARON:

It’s only been three years.

DAPHNE:

I getcha, man. It’s my longestrelationship by far. Sometimes,

it’s like, wow.

ALDOUS:

What do you do when you’re in arelationship for that long. Like,

how do you keep it lively?

AARON:

It’s easy because we love eachother.

100.

ALDOUS:

Aren’t you worried that you’remissing out?

AARON/DAPHNEOn what?/Sometimes.

AARON:

(ignoring Daphne)

On what?

ALDOUS:

Like if you could have done onesexual activity before you diedwhat would have been?

AARON:

(joking)

What, like a threesome?

ALDOUS:

Sure like that.

AARON:

I guess a threesome.

ALDOUS:

Threesome. Do you have anyfantasies like that?

AARON:

I was just joking.

DAPHNE:

I’d love to try a threesome. You

know, before I die.

ALDOUS:

Well that is something that ispossible right now. It’s not like

wanting to fly or shoot lasers outof your eyes. A threesome is

something that we can accomplishright here right now.

AARON:

That would be hilarious, us havinga threesome.

DAPHNE:

We should do it.

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