Get Him to the Greek Page #6

ALDOUS *

Captain Knob’s a good one. But *

that Abby’s got him all turned *

around. *

AARON *

Totally. It’s like... *

Aaron mimes a p*ssy-whipping. Aldous looks at Aaron, sizing *

him up for the first time. *

ALDOUS *

I’m glad they sent me someone who’sexperienced. With the controlled *

substances. *

AARON:

Too often non drug addicted peoplejust don’t understand, like at all.

(then)

So this will be your firstperformance in three years?

ALDOUS:

I’ve been a little busy. Puttingthe finishing touches on my newalbum.

AARON:

You recording your new album?

ALDOUS:

Not yet at the recording stage.

Still conceptualizationing. But

like in my brain, it’s like done,

you know? How long have you beenworking at Pinnacle?

AARON:

Just a few weeks. But I did A&R *

for a while --*

34.

ALDOUS:

So you got a lady? *

Yeah.

AARON:

ALDOUS:

So, how long you’ve been with her?

AARON:

Three years.

ALDOUS:

You live with her?

Yeah.

AARON:

For a month now -*

ALDOUS:

Has it been easy? Hard?

AARON:

It’s been terrific. We’re kind of

perfect for each other. I mean,

we’ve never had a fight, you know?

*

*

*

ALDOUS:

How lucky. I always found itdifficult to live with ladies.

*

AARON:

Well there are certainlychallenges.

ALDOUS:

Do you get along with her parents?

AARON:

Her dad can be a challenge, but Ithink he respects me and what I’mabout. *

ALDOUS:

If I listened to what my dad said,

I’d be all messed up in my head.

*

*

*

AARON:

Are you in touch with him thesedays? I mean, you don’t have to

say -*

*

*

*

ALDOUS:

What’s your type?

perfect woman?

Like your

*

35.

AARON:

My girlfriend.

ALDOUS:

Besides her, like if it couldn’t be

her. Like if she died or left youor something.

AARON:

Like a doctor. I really thinkdoctors are super cool.

ALDOUS:

Looks?

AARON:

Well I guess blond and petiteexcept for around here.

ALDOUS:

Around her tits? Or including hertits?

AARON:

Including them. But this is a

really theoretical proposition --

ALDOUS:

Parents married or divorced?

AARON:

Divorced. You sure are

inquisitive. It’s like you’recollecting evidence!

ALDOUS:

That’s a shame. Who’s fault?

AARON:

Everyone’s! So, why perform now?

ALDOUS:

This bird I love who lives in LA,

she just got engaged, so I’m gonnatry to get her back and if shedon’t take me back I’m gonna killmyself.

Aaron laughs, thinking Aldous is joking.

ALDOUS (CONT’D)

Funny, right? My life, it’shumorous. I like you. Do you like *

me?

36.

AARON:

Yeah, I like you. *

ALDOUS *

You won’t ever betray me?

AARON:

Dude, I am like the most

trustworthy guy ever.

ALDOUS:

I’m not the rock star. You are.

Aaron looks out the window and smiles. This is way easierthan he thought it would be.

INT. HEATHROW - BATHROOM - DAY

Aaron’s on his cell phone. SPLIT SCREEN with Sergio who runs *

on a treadmill incredibly fast without sweating or even *

really breathing hard. *

AARON:

We’re in line at Heathrow and are

about to get on the flight. He *

actually seems pretty together andcool.

SERGIO (O.S.) *

Turn your back at your own peril. *

Call me the millisecond you land. *

Sergio hangs up on Aaron. *

INT. HEATHROW - SECURITY LINE - LATER

Aldous and Aaron are standing in line. Aaron is talking andsmiling while Aldous is starting to look a bit uneasy.

AARON:

I can’t believe I was only inLondon for like four hours. I so

want to come back for like a real

amount of time. It seems like a

really neat city.

ALDOUS:

(leaning in andwhispering)

Shove this up your bum.

37.

AARON:

What? Why’re you whispering,

buddy? You got a secret?

Aldous is shoving a balloon of heroin into Aaron’s hand. As

Aaron and Aldous have this exchange the line moves themcloser and closer to the scary looking British securityservices. NOTE: This whole fight is done in angry whispers.

ALDOUS:

(whispering intensely)

I said shove this up your bum now.

AARON:

What is that...?

ALDOUS:

(whispering intensely)

It’s heroin, what do you think itis?

Aldous grabs Aaron’s pants and starts to try to shove theheroin down his pants. Aaron tries to get away. The

Security looks over to see what the commotion is about.

ALDOUS (CONT’D)

(whispering intensely)

Stop acting all mental and let meshove this heroin up your assalready. I thought you used to runheroin all the time.

AARON:

(whispering intensely

back)

I did, it’s just been like eightyears so I’m not exactly...

ALDOUS:

(whispering intensely)

Shove it up your ass or I throw abloody fit and we’re both sent toGuantanamo to be assraped by binLaden.

They’re almost at the head of the line... Aaron sees his lifeflashing before his eyes. He grabs the balloon and shoves itdown the back of his pants.

ALDOUS (CONT’D)

(whispering intensely)

Not so hasty.

38.

Aldous pulls a tube of KY Jelly out of his manpurse andspritzes it on the balloon in Aaron’s hand. Aaron shoves the

balloon down his pants, grimaces and shoves it up his ass.

He removes his hand.

ALDOUS (CONT’D)

(intense whispering)

Is it up there?

AARON:

(intense whispering)

Yes.

ALDOUS:

(intense whispering)

No part of it is sticking out ofyour anal cavity?

AARON:

(intense whispering)

No. Definitely not. Do these

things burst?

ALDOUS:

(intense whispering)

On occasion.

Suddenly they’re at the front of the line. Aaron holds his

hand away from his body, disgusted as to where it’s been.

HEATHROW SECURITY

Next in line please. Wait, aren’t

you Aldous Snow?

ALDOUS:

Guilty as charged.

HEATHROW SECURITY

There better be no smack up yourbum.

ALDOUS:

Clean as a whistle.

HEATHROW SECURITY

What’s the deal with this?

REVEAL the manpurse is filled with needles.

ALDOUS:

Diabetes. Doctor’s note inside.

39.

HEATHROW SECURITY

Sorry to hear it. You’re all

clear. I saw you perform a coupleyears back. You threw up on me.

ALDOUS:

You’re welcome. Well all cleaned

up now. No vomiting anymore.

(then)

This is my good friend, Aaron.

AARON:

(nervously spewing)

What’s up? It must be crazy doingsecurity. You must have a lot of

stories.

HEATHROW SECURITY

I guess I have a few.

AARON:

(nervously)

I mean, are you like alwayssuspicious of every single personyou see?

HEATHROW SECURITY

Not really. Most people are goodblokes.

AARON:

Cause I’d be all the time thinkinglike that “guy over there has abomb” or “that women over there has

a bunch of drugs in her purse and abomb.” Cause I think that anywayand I’m not even in your line ofwork. Anyway, good to meet you.

HEATHROW SECURITY

Good to meet you mate.

The Heathrow Security Guy holds out his hand. Aaron doesn’t

know what to do. Before he knows it, he’s shaking theSecurity guy’s hand with his dirty hand. The guy then pickshis nose and helps an old lady through the detector.

INT. BRITISH AIRWAYS CLUB

Aaron and Aldous sit in the first class club. Aldous is

leafing through NME magazine. Aaron’s trying not tohyperventilate.

40.

AARON:

Morally I probably shouldn’t bedoing this.

ALDOUS:

Morally you should.

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