Get Him to the Greek Page #7

AARON:

You’re supposed to be clean. I’m

an enabler. I’m enabling right

now.

ALDOUS:

My quit date isn’t until next week.

AARON:

Your quit date?

ALDOUS:

A year before you quit you pick aquit date. If I quit before myquit date my whole AA plan goes outthe window.

AARON:

I thought when you quit you justquit.

ALDOUS:

If I don’t do heroin this week I’ll

jump the gun on my quit date, whichI picked over a year aqo and havebeen mentally preparing for eversince, then my inability to quitonce and for all will be on yourconscience. Do you want that onyour conscience?

AARON:

No. This thing is going to burst.

I feel it’s already burst.

ALDOUS:

If it had burst you’d know.

Believe me.

AARON:

What’s that supposed to mean?

41.

ALDOUS:

You’d feel like a warmth, followed

by like a stinging pain, like areal sharp stinging fiery pain,

followed by organ failure anddeath.

A Club Waitress appears.

CLUB WAITRESS:

Champagne? Sparkling water?

ALDOUS:

I’m a former alcoholic, so no thank

you. However my young friend wouldlove a champagne. It’ll help himrelax.

CLUB WAITRESS:

Here you go, Mr. Greenberg.

The Flight Attendant heads off.

ALDOUS:

Drink it down.

AARON:

No.

ALDOUS:

Drink it down. It’ll help loosenthe sphincter. Ironically a loosesphincter aids anal control.

AARON:

Oh, cool, that’s reallyinteresting.

ALDOUS:

Drink it the f*** down.

Aldous grabs the drink and brings it up to Aaron’s lips.

Aaron drinks it down.

AARON:

I’m just going to see if ourflight’s on time.

INT. BRITISH AIRWAYS CLUB - DESK

Aaron’s at the desk, talking to the female Club Attendant.

42.

AARON:

I just wanted to confirm thatflight 51 to LA is on time.

CLUB ATTENDANT:

It is.

Aldous comes up behind Aaron.

ALDOUS:

Oy oy. Has that flight to New Yorkleft yet?

CLUB ATTENDANT:

Not yet.

ALDOUS:

Can we switch to that then?

CLUB ATTENDANT:

Of course. It’ll be a 4500 pounds.

ALDOUS:

Here you go, love.

Aldous tosses a bundle of cash on the table.

AARON:

I don’t think we should do that

necessarily. We’re supposed tohead to LA. You know, for your bigperformance at the Greek. That’s

why we’re here.

ALDOUS:

Before a show, I always get my axeat Manny’s Guitar in New York City.

Did it for my first show when I wasfifteen. I ain’t stopping now.

Right, love?

CLUB ATTENDANT:

I see no reason not to.

Aaron watches in terror as their old tickets are TORN UP and

replaced with new NEW YORK CITY tickets.

INT. BRITISH AIRWAYS - FIRST CLASS

A terrified Aaron and Aldous head down the gangplank. Theyare greeted by the Flight Attendant.

43.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT

Hello, again, Mr. Greenberg. Did

you enjoy your stay in London?

AARON:

Yes.

ALDOUS:

Hi there, love. Well aren’t youlooking beautiful today? I should

fly all the time.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT

May I lead you to your seats?

The Flight Attendant leads them to their seats. Aldous heads

to the bathroom. Aaron’s phone rings. He answers it. SPLIT

SCREEN between him and Daphne. Daphne has a giant bouquet offlowers.

DAPHNE:

Baby you shouldn’t have! You’re

only away for one night!

AARON:

Didn’t want anyone stealing you

away.

DAPHNE:

How’s it going?

Aaron decides whether to lie.

AARON:

Great. Really great.

DAPHNE:

What’s Aldous like?

AARON:

Super cool. Like couldn’t be a

better guy.

DAPHNE:

Really? Cause from afar he seems

like he’d be totally crazy.

AARON:

(starting to sweat)

No. Not crazy at all. Reallymellow and cool actually.

(MORE)

44.

AARON (CONT'D)

Funnily enough, turns out we’regoing to New York instead of LAfirst so I’m probably not going tobe home for another night.

DAPHNE:

That sucks. Why the change?

AARON:

Totally planned. Turns out he

needs to do some press stuff in NewYork first.

DAPHNE:

You really have no stories? He

didn’t say or do anything funny?

AARON:

Nope. Pretty straight laced, good

guy.

DAPHNE:

You’re using your lying voice.

AARON:

I’d be lying if I said anythinginteresting happened.

DAPHNE:

I don’t want to find out he’s been

making you do crazy stuff likesmuggling a bong on the plane andyou’ve been too scared to tell me.

AARON:

(fake laughing)

That’s hilarious. I love you andyour hilarity.

He hangs up.

EXT. AIRPLANE - DAY

The plane takes off.

INT. BRITISH AIRWAYS - DAY

Aaron stares at the Fasten Seat Belt sign. It’s still

illuminated. Aldous opens his manpurse.

45.

ALDOUS:

If for any crazy reason, I have ahealth emergency, solution’s inhere.

REVEAL that the manpurse is filled with needles and everysingle kind of painkiller. As Aldous says each thing, hepulls the appropriate pill or bandage out of the purse.

ALDOUS (CONT’D)

I got a headache, I got a badheadache, I got a really badheadache, I got a bullet in m’legor knife in m’arm, and, of course,

if my heart’s stopped.

Aldous pulls out an adrenaline needle.

AARON:

Like from Pulp Fiction?

ALDOUS:

No. Like from life. Got it?

AARON:

Yeah, sure.

The Fasten Seat Belt Light flips off.

AARON (CONT’D)

I’ve gotta go to the bathroom.

ALDOUS:

You are not taking a sh*t.

AARON:

I have to go like right now.

ALDOUS:

You take a sh*t you owe me athousand quid.

The seatbelt sign BINGS off. *

AARON *

I’m just gonna head up to the *

galley. You need anything? *

ALDOUS *

I’ve got my eye on you. *

46.

Aaron nods. We follow him in ONE LONG, UNCUT SHOT as he *

WALKS UP TO THE GALLEY, pours himself a glass of water and *

then HEADS BACK TO HIS SEAT to find Aldous HAVING SEX WITH A *

FLIGHT ATTENDANT. Aaron, not knowing what to do, continues *

PAST THEIR SEATS to the bathroom. Aaron starts to sweat hard *

The bathroom light goes out and a businessman steps out.

Aaron heads into the bathroom. *

INT. BRITISH AIRWAYS - BATHROOM

Aaron sits down on the toilet and starts to do his business.

INT. BRITISH AIRWAYS - FIRST CLASS

Aldous sees Aaron’s seat is empty. Aldous jumps up andheads to the bathroom and starts knocking on the door.

ALDOUS:

Guess who just had a little bit ofsex with the flight attendant?

AARON (O.S.)

Oh. Awes.

ALDOUS:

What’s going on in there, friend?

AARON (O.S.)

Nothing.

ALDOUS:

You better not be taking a sh*t.

That’s my property.

AARON (O.S.)

I’m aware. I’m not. Just doingnumber one.

ALDOUS:

Because if you’re currentlyshitting, you are stealing from me.

Let me in or I swear I’ll punch myshoulder straight through the door.

I’m hyperventilating! Let me in!

(there’s a flush)

What was that?!

Aaron opens the door.

AARON:

Everything’s fine.

47.

Aldous pushes Aaron into the bathroom and closes the door.

INT. BRITISH AIRWAYS - BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS

Aaron and Aldous are now in the bathroom.

ALDOUS:

Where’s the heroin?

AARON:

Still up there.

ALDOUS:

Prove it to me.

AARON:

I can’t prove it to you withoutexpelling it.

ALDOUS:

So...

AARON:

So I’m not going to do that right

now. Perhaps when we land and youneed it.

ALDOUS:

It was wrong of me to make youstash it up your bum. That was not

right.

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