Get Him to the Greek Page #8

AARON:

At the very least you should havewarned me before we were in the

security line.

ALDOUS:

I understand why you expelled it.

It’s scary having that much dope soclose to one’s intestinal track.

AARON:

Thank you for understanding.

ALDOUS:

You f***ing evacuated it you c*nt!

If we don’t find it you owe me athousand quid!

Aldous starts digging around in the toilet.

48.

AARON:

I wouldn’t do that. Seriously,

let’s just go back to our seats.

I’m sure we can figure this outonce we get to New York. They haveH in New York, right? Please,

Aldous -

Aldous brings his hand into frame. It’s covered in the blue

liquid of the toilet

ALDOUS:

You calm down immediately and helpme retrieve my property!

Aaron starts digging around in the toilet along with Aldous.

ALDOUS (CONT’D)

Get in there!

AARON:

I’m afraid! I heard that this

woman was sitting on the toilet andhit the flusher and it sucked out

her intestines! I do not want that

to happen to me.

Aldous HITS the flusher and Aaron’s hand gets sucked andstuck partially in the toilet.

AARON (CONT’D)

AHHHH!!!

ALDOUS:

What do you feel?

AARON:

It’s stuck! My hand’s stuck!

Why’d you do that?!?!

ALDOUS:

Take a breath! You’re healthy!

I’m healthy! We’re both alive and

excited to be alive! Now what do

you feel?

AARON:

I don’t know.

ALDOUS:

What do you feel?

49.

AARON:

I feel some metal. And somethingslimy. And...and... I feel a

balloon! I feel the balloon!

ALDOUS:

This is fantastic! Are you fingersaround it?

AARON:

Almost... yes!

ALDOUS:

Now yank it out!

AARON:

I can’t, it’s stuck!

Aldous grabs Aaron’s arm and YANKS IT out of the toilet.

AARON (CONT’D)

AHHHHH!

ALDOUS:

You’ve got it!

Aaron looks in his hand. There indeed is the balloon.

ALDOUS (CONT’D)

Against all odds, you did it! I’m

proud of you.

AARON:

(oddly relieved)

Thanks. Thank you.

Aldous hugs Aaron.

AARON (CONT’D)

Here’s your property.

Aaron tries to hand Aldous back the drugs.

ALDOUS:

Put it back up there. You know

what happens if I’m caught with it?

You know, right? I’ll give yousome privacy.

Aldous leaves the bathroom.

50.

INT. BRITISH AIRWAYS - FIRST CLASS

Aaron sits back down next to Aldous. Aldous leans over and

shows Aaron a photo on his cell.

ALDOUS:

Check this out. That’s our flightattendant, ten minutes ago.

It’s a photo Aldous took of him having sex with the flightattendant.

AARON:

(despite himself)

You just did that?

ALDOUS:

Them meal carts are sharp.

Aaron takes the phone and starts scrolling through it. It’s

filled with photos of Aldous with different women.

ALDOUS (CONT’D)

If my mobile could talk... it wouldmainly talk about f***ing.

FULL SCREEN CHYRON: MANHATTAN, NEW YORK. 36 HOURS UNTIL

GREEK.

INT. CAR SERVICE

Aaron and Aldous get in the car.

AARON:

Manny’s Guitar shop, at -

ALDOUS:

Actually, Four Seasons, midtown.

AARON:

We shouldn’t stay over in New York.

ALDOUS:

I know that. You’re like a naggingwife. Nag nag nag.

(then)

I gotta get cleaned up. That was a

long flight. And unlike you I justhad sex with someone.

51.

INT. FOUR SEASONS NEW YORK - BATHROOM

Aaron’s on his cell while washing the drug balloon.

AARON:

Two first class one ways from NewYork to LA. Whatever airline

leaves first. I don’t care.

His phone beeps. Aaron looks at it. Sh*t. SPLIT SCREEN *

with Sergio who’s having brunch in a beautiful outdoor cafe *

with ten FASHIONABLE, WEALTHY-SEEMING GUYS. *

AARON (CONT’D)

One sec. I got a call on the otherline.

(switching over)

Mr. Roma? Sergio, how ya doing? *

SERGIO (O.S.) *

Where are you? The car service is *

at LAX and there’s no you.

AARON:

Our plane got grounded.

SERGIO *

No, it didn’t.

AARON:

If it didn’t then how am I still

sitting in Heathrow?

SERGIO (O.S.) *

Then why does the computer say thatit landed in LA and why did mydriver see an entire plane load ofpeople from your flight gettingtheir bags?

AARON:

Sh*t. I did what I promised I *

wouldn’t do. I lied. I’m sorry. *

I will never do it again. We hit

some horrible traffic going into *

Heathrow and we missed our flightand I had to switch our flight tothe next one out, a Virgin flightthat’ll be landing tomorrow. I

will never lie to you again. That

is my solemn promise as agentleman.

52.

SERGIO *

What’s the flight number?

AARON:

Flight 543 -

Aaron mumbles the rest. We hear a NYC siren go by in the BG.

SERGIO *

What was that?

AARON:

Heathrow police.

SERGIO *

I’m not happy about this. *

AARON:

And neither am I.

SERGIO *

Don’t do that. *

Sergio hangs up. Aaron flips back. *

TRAVEL AGENT:

That’ll be 4123.53 per ticket.

AARON:

Alrighty then. It’s a Mastercard.

Aaron brings the now squeaky clean heroin balloon into frame.

INT. FOUR SEASONS NEW YORK - INCREDIBLE SUITE - DAY

Aldous is sitting on the balcony. Pigeons walk along therailing. Aaron walks out onto the balcony and puts the nowcleaned up balloon in front of Aldous.

ALDOUS:

Aaron, look, a lot of people would

have walked away then. I think a

stronger person would stay through

this. And that person is you.

AARON:

I’m fine, Aldous. This is really

par for the course for me. I had

to do a very similar thing when I

assisted Mylie Cyrus at the Kids

Choice Awards. She’s not allowed

soda and I got her some. Not up my

butt, but same difference really.

53.

ALDOUS:

Daphne is very lucky. Does Daphneknow how lucky she is?

AARON:

I don’t know.

ALDOUS:

I think she does. Look, after

putting you through what I just putyou through, I don’t think I couldever do anything that bad again. I

don’t like myself when I’m likethat. But the drugs take hold andwell, you know the story.

AARON:

(feeling it out)

Totally. Story as old as time.

Why don’t you just quit today andgive the story a happy ending?

Carpe Deum, know what I mean.

ALDOUS:

And well you might ask. And well

you might ask. I feel the fates

brought us together. I see myself *

when I was your age.

AARON:

Really? Thank you.

ALDOUS:

But hopped up on smack. And

f***ing Giselle Bunchen. Enjoy theview and order anything you wantfrom room service.

Aldous heads into the room. Aaron looks out at the view.

It’s a pretty amazing view. He smiles again. This is rock

star living no matter if you had to have a balloon of heroinup your ass to achieve it. He sees the balloon on the table.

He touches it. He holds it in his hand and squeezes it. He

squeezes it again. He starts absentmindedly squeezing itlike a stress ball while looking out at the view.

AARON:

New York City.

Suddenly POP. Powder heroin everywhere.

AARON (CONT’D)

Oh, boy.

54.

Aaron stands, panicked. He looks up and sees a napkininside. He runs inside and runs back out with the napkin. A

flock of pigeons descend and start eating the heroin.

AARON (CONT’D)

No! Shoo! No! Don’t eat that!

You do not want to eat that!

The pigeons won’t budge. Aldous walks out.

ALDOUS:

So, where do you want to gotonight?

He sees what’s going on. Aaron doesn’t know what to do.

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