Get Smart Page #2

[GRUNTING]

MAX:

Here.

- Oh, great.

- Sorry.

That was my last mile.

I have no idea how fast it was.

You were moving.

It's not easy to knock me down.

I have a low center of gravity.

Pretty solid.

I'm just gonna call that one a 4:50.

Impressive. I once ran a 5:16.

Oh, really? That's, uh, slower.

Not everything's a competition.

Well, if it were, I'd win.

Ah. Are you flirting with me?

Not at all. Are you flirting with me?

That depends. Is it working?

Not at all.

Well, nice meeting you!

I admire your focus!

[YELLS]

Am I invisible?

[ALARM WAILING]

Bruce, Lloyd, what happened?

And what is that ungodly smell?

Fear.

I'll be back.

[ELECTRICITY BUZZING]

AGENT 99:

Freeze.

Freeze.

- No, you freeze.

- You freeze.

- I told you to freeze.

- Freeze times infinity.

Oh, my God.

- You.

- You.

- Are you CONTROL?

- I'm Maxwell Smart.

I am a CONTROL analyst. Who are you?

I'm Agent 99.

Oh, my word. You are Agent 99?

- I am a huge fan!

- Thank you.

[CLATTERING]

What are you doing?

I'm right here, just talk to me!

I'm going to cause a diversion.

You run and get help.

- I really don't think that that's a...

- Shh.

- Did you just...?

- Shh!

Go, go, go!

MAN 1:

Wait!

MAN 2:

Somebody shut it off!

MAX:
Good, 23, just in time.

I think I got one of them.

Is that the Chief?

AGENT 99:

Yes, it is.

Sorry about that, Chief.

Is that a dent in his head?

[WHISTLES]

Hi. Hi.

Agent 13, you are in a tree.

Yeah, communications got knocked down,

so they put me in a tree.

- Old-school stuff.

- Glad to see you're okay.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, I have to get going.

Would you raise up the walkway, please?

You don't have to get going.

You don't have to go.

Yeah, I've got a meeting.

- How you been?

- I've been well.

- Everything good?

- It's great. Well, I gotta...

Could you come back this way?

Yeah, yeah, I think I will.

What time?

Well... Mm.

I get it.

Who wants to talk to a guy in a tree?

I get it.

Hang in there.

Don't cry, don't... Please don't cry.

[BEEPING]

CHIEF:

Okay. Let's get started.

You'll have to bear with me,

I'm still a little fuzzy.

I got a pretty good

hit in the head yesterday.

Yes, it was dark in there.

You probably tripped.

I hurt my knee. It was smoky too.

CHIEF:

All right, here's what we know.

Wait. Chief, I request

the cone of silence.

Max, not the cone of silence.

We're in a safe room, for God's sakes.

We thought CONTROL was safe.

Okay. Lloyd.

CHIEF:
Okay, we have reason to believe

that our security was breached by KAOS.

- You have to speak up.

CHIEF:
Can you hear me?

- I'm not hearing anyone.

- What?

CHIEF:
Can you hear me?

AGENT 99:
What did you say?

- Bruce, it's not working.

- It's not working!

Chief! I hit you in the head

with a fire extinguisher!

No, no, no, we're not ready yet.

LARABEE:

Okay. All right.

- It doesn't work, get rid of it.

- Turn it off.

This thing is no good.

It's a useless piece of garbage.

- Turn it off!

- Larabee, you all right?

Larabee wants out!

[YELLS]

Today's the day, and we're gonna

get rid of this damn thing.

LARABEE:
That is cold. That's cold.

AGENT 91:
All right, easy.

CHIEF:

All right, are we done?

Yep. I can hear now.

Sorry, Chief, someone led me to believe

the cone was ready.

For the record, I never actually

used the word "ready."

"I'll show them the cone.

The cone's the shizzle."

- You said that to me.

- All right, shut up.

Listen up, people.

There's been a rash of thefts

of nuclear material...

...especially yellowcake,

over the last three months.

Now, based on Max's intel, we were

able to get Agent 38 inside KAOS.

We must've been close

to uncovering something...

...so KAOS hit us and they hit us hard.

They hacked our system...

...and learned the identities

of all our field agents.

...and learned the identities

of all our field agents.

Around the world

our people are under attack.

[DARTS WHIZZING]

Our only lead is the maker of the bomb

KAOS used against us.

Vladimir Krs...

- It's pronounced "Krstic," sir.

- Yes...

[MUMBLES]

MAX:

Krstic.

[MUMBLES]

Yes. He is a Bosnian national, and one

of KAOS' favorite munitions suppliers.

Unfortunately, we have no idea

where he is.

Actually, sir, we do. He is in Russia.

- How do you know that?

- It was on page 482 of my report.

Doesn't anybody read my reports?

All right, our mission is clear, people.

Find Krs...

- Krstic.

- Yes. Find him!

- Kris Kringle. Fish stick.

CHIEF:
Yes, Krs...

- Okay, I got it, I got it.

MAX:
Krstic.

Use him to get to KAOS,

then recover the stolen nuclear material...

...before they can do something

less than friendly...

...and maybe, if we're lucky,

we can apprehend the man behind it all...

...Siegfried.

Pictured here with his

number two man, Shtarker.

How are we gonna do that

when our agents are compromised?

Put me out there, Chief.

I'm not afraid to expose myself.

Do you ever think before you speak?

No, I just whip it out there.

It's what's best.

Fortunately, we have other options.

surgery, so her new face is not known yet.

We also have a new agent, Agent 86.

Who's that, sir?

It's you, Max.

All right, Maxie.

You did it.

Lloyd, may I have the C.O.S. Please?

I'm so happy!

I'm so happy!

This is the best day of my life!

Max, you didn't push

the button hard enough.

- So you could hear me?

BRUCE:
Yes.

- Right.

AGENT 99:
Excuse me, Chief, just a thought.

- I'm not questioning your judgment...

MAX:
99, I insist on complete honesty.

If you have something to say to me,

I wish you would just say it.

Max has no experience.

I don't want him as my partner.

Well, that is a sucker punch

to the gonads.

Hey, Max. We got you a lovely

parting gift for your first mission.

Oh, a pocketknife.

Not just a pocketknife, Swiss Army knife.

Comes with tweezers, pliers,

a tiny magnifying glass.

Fish scaler, a saw, a flamethrower,

chisel, a wire-crimping tool.

- What was that thing you said?

- Chisel?

Before that.

Did you say flamethrower?

- Yeah.

- Check it.

We also added a crossbow

that fires harpoons...

...connected to spider-silk nano-thread.

Has the strength of steel cable.

It's a time-consuming,

labor-intensive technology.

The spiders

have to be individually milked.

And they do not like it.

No, they don't.

Gentlemen, you're the best.

Thanks.

WOMAN:
Ladies and gentlemen,

while you are in your seats...

...please keep your seatbelts fastened.

I feel really good about us as partners.

"Trust is a must." That's what 23 says.

Does he?

You and I share a bond, I think.

We both know what it feels like to look

in the mirror and not like what we see.

You with the surgery,

me with the weight loss.

I wanna show you something.

That was me.

AGENT 99:

Wow, impressive.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

This is me.

MAX:

Wow.

Very impressive, 99.

You were truly hideous back then.

Since we are going

to be portraying husband and wife...

...maybe we should get our story set.

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