Get Smart Page #8

Swordfish!

MAX:
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

CHIEF:
I don't know.

Were you thinking, "Holy sh*t, holy sh*t,

a swordfish almost went through my head?"

If so, yes.

Come on.

On behalf of the United States Government,

I hereby commandeer this plane.

The device is armed.

I hope you're moving.

Don't worry, sir. I'll be well clear.

BRUCE:
Chief, they're headed

southbound on l-47.

Thanks, Bruce. I got them!

I need to get down to that car!

No, no good. If I get too low,

he'll hear me coming!

I have another idea.

What are you doing?

Get back in the plane!

You're gonna kill yourself!

Hang on!

Hang on! We're going in!

[MAX SCREAMING]

Sorry, Max.

Tuesday's not gonna work.

Cannot do Tuesday, I'm already...

- Mom! Mom! Mom!

- Sean! Sean! Sean!

See how annoying that is?

See, this is your problem.

Some men like women more feminine!

See, this is your problem.

Some men like women more feminine!

- I'm not feminine?

- No.

I'm not feminine?

Freeze!

That was so cool.

Max!

Damn it to hell.

You know, I might be more help

if you untie me!

There's a knife in my right front pocket!

[MAX LAUGHING]

Stop it! Stop it!

What?

That's not my knife! That's not my...

I got it!

No, 99, don't touch that!

Oh, my Lord.

Yeah! The kid's still got it.

AGENT 99:

Max, hurry!

MAX:

Hold on, 99!

Chief, we can't stop the car! We have

the football, but we do not know the code!

We need to figure out something!

These tracks are taking us back downtown,

towards the bomb!

We gotta get you out of there,

and you won't survive the jump!

I'm coming to get you!

[AGENT 99 SCREAMS]

- Oh, God!

- Hold on, 99!

It's not over, Max!

I'll take that briefcase!

If you want it, you'll have to take it!

- That's what I just said!

- I know, I'm just trying to annoy you!

[GRO ANING]

Unusual but effective.

[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]

- You all right?

- I'm fine!

Max!

Max, your foot!

- I wish we had more time!

- What?

- Max!

- No!

Oh, Max.

[SQUEAKING]

No. No!

I wish we had more time too.

MAX:

So you did hear me?

Max?

But the train...

Missed it by that much.

"Operation Joy"?

The "Ode to Joy" will end with a bang.

[PERFORMING BEETHO VEN'S

"ODE TO JO Y"]

- Chief!

- Yeah, Maxie! Are you okay?

Listen, I think the final notes

of the "Ode to Joy" trigger the bomb!

We have to stop the concert!

I'm on it.

[CLEARS THRO AT]

My buttocks are really stinging

from being dragged.

Hey, grandpa, I already told you...

Speak up, son.

I'm an old man, you know.

[CLATTERING]

I like that tackling part.

MAX:

I am so, so sorry about that.

Wait! No, no, let him go.

- There is a bomb.

- Where?

Would you believe in the piano?

Whoa. How did we miss that?

That is huge.

- Max. Was that...?

- A total guess, yes, it was.

That old son of a gun

can take a hit, huh?

- Do you think I should tell him?

- No. Let's just savor the moment.

He's a funny son of a b*tch, isn't he?

This is the proudest moment of my life!

Bomb not go off.

Oh, really, bright-eyes?

What alerted you?

Was it no "Boom, boom," or the lack

of a mushroom cloud?

It was the mushroom cloud for me.

Well, you did your job,

so I suppose I can't kill your wife.

Although to be honest,

I'd be doing the sighted world a favor.

[SCREAMS]

What good hang time, huh?

Yes, Mr. President.

Thank you and goodbye, sir.

to convey his personal thanks...

...and to tell you how impressed he was

with that dragged-by-a-train thing.

Well, sir, as an agent, I have trained

myself to be impervious to pain.

[DOG BARKING]

Ah! Hey, it's Fang.

I wanted him to be a surprise.

knows that we're dating.

CHIEF:

Yes, they do.

On the cheek.

- Let's go.

- Maybe a little one?

Hey, new guy. Hold up a second.

Welcome to CONTROL.

We have a tradition called "pick on

the new guy." Here's how it works.

- We pick on the new guy.

- And you can't do anything about it.

Let's try one.

- You dropped your pencil.

- Did you hear the man?

I don't see a man, I see two little girls.

I think I'll call you Maureen,

and you Brittany.

- New guy did not.

- New guy did.

AGENT 91:
Okay, new guy...

LARABEE:
I got this.

And I'm going to enjoy it.

That will make me happy, Maureen.

Maureen.

[DINGS]

Ow! What's in there?

- And just for the record.

- What's in there?

[LARABEE SCREAMS]

My name is not "new guy."

My name is Hymie.

Now, if you ladies will excuse me.

This is gonna be so fun.

Make him high-five me.

Max, we're gonna be late.

Oh, Max. Let Maintenance

take care of it.

Ah!

You've gotta be kidding me!

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