Get Smart Page #7

With all our satellites,

there's no way anybody could possibly...

...have nuclear bombs

that we wouldn't know about.

"Nuclear!"

- What's that?

- Sorry.

AGENT 99:
Mr. President, if I could just

please show you some data, you'd agree...

Well, just back up here a second.

First thing I'd like to know is...

...what did the vice president

say about this?

I'm afraid the vice president and I had

a less-than-cordial encounter yesterday.

- Less-than-cordial, you say?

- Yes, sir.

I'll say.

The chairman of joint chiefs

sent me this little movie.

Put it right here on my cell phone.

Let me share this with you.

This is my favorite part.

VICE PRESIDENT [ON VIDEO]:

I got a new pacemaker, I can go all day!

[GRO ANING & CLATTERING

ON VIDEO]

Oh, Chief.

Very sweet tackle.

Look. Look at the surprise on his face.

I probably owe you an apology

for that, sir.

No. Please, just save your breath.

But I have to agree

with that son of a b*tch.

We cannot respond to every threat.

Case closed.

[PHONE RINGS]

Max?

MAX [O VER PHONE]:

Hello, 99.

Trace 99's call, now!

- Where are you?

- That's not important.

What is important is that KAOS has planted

a bomb somewhere in Los Angeles.

We got him. He's still in Washington.

Listen, while I was in my cell,

I had some time to think.

I realized that even though I was accused

of something I didn't do, I was happy.

Because at least for a little while,

I got to live my dream of being an agent.

And I got to be with you.

I learned that you have

a mean right cross...

... you are almost as good

a dancer as me...

- ... and you used to look like your mom.

- Max.

Please, 99. All I'm asking is for you

to look me in the eyes...

... and tell me that

you don't feel something too.

MAN:

Freeze!

Oh, Max. How could I look in your eyes?

Just turn around.

Why are you talking into your shoe?

The old "call forwarding

from the shoe phone to the cell phone...

...so you don't know where I am,

then I appear on the roof behind you...

...and surprise everyone" trick.

- Don't move.

- What are you doing?

How did you get here?

[VOMITING]

Do you have another one of these?

It doesn't matter.

What matters is that there is a bomb,

and I'm here to find it.

- How do you know this?

- I'd rather not say.

CHIEF:

Max, there are millions of lives at stake.

If you have credible information

from a reliable source...

...I wanna know it,

and I wanna know it now.

I heard it from America's sweetheart,

Ryan Seacrest.

- Whoa.

AGENT 23:
Come on.

It was a coded message.

CHIEF:
Max, we're running out of time here.

What are you talking about?

I received a tip from a KAOS agent

who I befriended at the bakery.

I think we should trust him, Chief.

AGENT 23:
Absolutely, Chief.

I'm with 99 on that one.

Every time I look at Max's puppy eyes,

I'm a goner.

Oh, my God. You've really never

had anyone break up with you, have you?

Chief, you said that you and I are alike.

That we are both old-fashioned men.

Well, I have an old-fashioned hunch.

I have a hunch that you have a hunch

that I am telling the truth.

Max...

Any double agent who escapes

from a high-security holding situation...

...only to fall into the arms of

the people that got him in the first place...

...is either an idiot or not a double agent,

and I don't think you're an idiot.

Thank you, Chief.

Now, we know that the president

is in town.

- But what exactly is he doing here today?

- Max.

- Yes. We need to find out his itinerary.

- But, Max, the...

I know, 99. I need to go get a paper.

We're in position. More or less.

Roger. I have the whole

security system online. Just remember...

Yes, we know.

How about a little radio silence?

I wanna quit, but what can I do?

He's married to my sister.

I wanna quit, but what can I do?

He's married to my sister.

By the way, I reviewed the security tapes

from the explosion at the bakery...

...and I know that you let those

CONTROL agents get away.

So unless you do your job today...

...your lovely wife, Zeenat,

will have eaten her last kebab.

Blue team, check for access violation

at quadrant three, sector seven.

Copy that.

Go.

SHTARKER:

That's it. You're there.

Door secure.

We need to get everyone out

and shut this place.

We've swept the building.

The Secret Service doesn't make mistakes

like the fabulous bakery boys.

Who told you about that? Who told you?

Take it easy.

You'll give yourself a heart attack.

And this day will not include

me blowing into your mouth.

- You want a piece of me?

- Come on, Chief! He's not worth it.

- Hey.

- I'm shaking. I'm shaking.

You better watch it.

CHIEF:

Let me at him!

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

MAN [O VER RADIO]:

From Los Angeles, California...

... we welcome you to a live broadcast...

... we welcome you to a live broadcast...

... of our concert for the president.

Dignitaries from around the world

have gathered.

We will be broadcasting from the Walt

Disney Concert Hall throughout the evening.

MAX:

There has got to be another way in.

Why are we even still here?

There are 50 other perfect targets.

The Golden Gate Bridge, Space Needle.

There's no chatter to support this.

And you know what,

I'm done with this. Stop!

Wait a minute, 23.

You're radioactive hot.

When were you exposed to radioactivity?

I just got back from Russia.

Half the people there are radioactive.

The bakery.

You said you swept the area

and everything was clean.

- I did, and it was.

AGENT 99:
Really?

Was there anyone else there,

or do we just trust you?

Your knife wound is seeping.

Sudden rise in blood pressure?

Perhaps you're nervous because

there is a bomb here and you know it.

And what is with the briefcase?

Could that actually be the football?

You mean the computer

containing the bomb activation codes?

Exactly. I have no interest in a real football

unless it is signed by Joe Montana...

...and I don't believe that's the case.

Well, 23?

You know what? We're out of time.

You follow us, she dies.

Stop this car!

Max! You idiot!

What the hell is wrong with you?

You don't just slap your hands

on a government vehicle!

All right, that's it! When we get back

to Washington, you morons are through!

Damn it. How have you gotten

away with this for so long?

I can't believe none of us saw it,

especially me.

Don't beat yourself up.

You'll be dead soon anyway.

Chief, he's heading

southbound on Grand.

Thanks, Bruce. Keep us posted.

AGENT [O VER RADIO]: Hey!

CONTROL a**holes who just stole my vehicle!

I know you're listening! You two dickwads

put one scratch on that car...

What was that?

Sorry, I'm losing you.

What the?

All right, fellas.

MAX:
Chief, I have to say,

this whole thing really steams my clams.

I cannot get over the fact

that 23 is a traitor.

Sand trap!

Now I know how you felt

when you thought I was a traitor.

Tractor!

I don't know how I missed it.

I'm usually very observant.

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