Ghostbusters Page #9

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- My God!

- I know!

Casper?

Aw, man!

Hey, that man went out the wrong door.

Oh, my God.

He wasn't really Ghostbusters material.

Who threw him out the window?

A ghost threw him out the window.

Oh, you mean like Patrick Swayze?

Like, he's sitting behind you,

making some pottery?

Yeah. Like Patrick Swayze.

That's it. Then we were all dancing

at a summer camp in the Catskills.

And then we sat down,

and he was behind me,

and we made a vase.

Oh, you're combining the two...

- I combined a couple of Swayze movies.

- Yeah.

Oh, you know what was a good one?

Road House.

I loved Road House.

- Point Break.

- He was a...

Oh, Point Break.

Come on. At the end with the big wave?

He was a ghost in that, too!

Well, you don't know

if he dies at the end.

He doesn't die.

He doesn't die. They don't say he dies.

Well, now what?

- Who are you guys?

- Official business.

We'll take it from here. Thank you.

- What?

- You need to come with us.

- What?

- Why?

The mayor needs a word, ladies.

So it's tandem parachuting.

So you'd be with an instructor.

The little spoon.

- And who is on top?

- The instructor.

Nah.

Oh.

- Mayor.

- Oh!

Hey! There you are.

Welcome. Sorry for the mess

and for the drama.

Please, come sit down. Take that one.

Good. That's right.

And, you, that's a good one for you.

And take the end seat. Good.

That's not so good.

No feet on the table, please.

Um, sir, we don't have a lot of time.

- And we're not frauds.

- No.

- We are legitimate scientists.

- Let me interrupt you.

We know you're not frauds,

because we have been monitoring

this situation quite closely.

Agents Hawkins and Rorke

are with Homeland Security.

So we've been investigating

this extremely quietly.

- Okay.

- So, what do you know?

Um, we believe that someone

is creating a device

that attracts and amplifies

paranormal activity.

And that activity can be escalating now

and giving us an even larger scale event.

"Larger scale." Well, that sounds terrible.

Okay, well,

you've been doing great work. Well done.

We really appreciate it,

but it's time to knock it off.

- What?

- Knock it off.

No, I heard you and I see the hand gesture.

What does...

These gentlemen are on it.

Let the government do their work.

We're just worried that you all

are drawing a lot of attention...

- Exactly.

- ...to yourselves.

What?

- Patty does wear big earrings.

- Patty.

Well, if it's a crime to look good,

guilty as charged.

Other than that, I feel like

we keep a very low profile.

You drive a hearse with a ghost on it,

and you use a distinctly

un-American-sounding siren.

We do.

Do you have any idea

how many federal regulations

you're breaking on a daily basis?

- One?

- No.

- Two?

- No.

Is it one?

Just sit quietly.

Here's the essence

of the deal.

We are gonna have to

make the public believe

that you are frauds.

- What? Wait. Why?

- What?

The human brain, you know,

it can only handle so much.

If everybody knew what was going on,

you know, there'd be a panic.

So, we need to get the information out there

that the incident at the concert was a hoax.

'Cause, otherwise, there'd be mass hysteria.

Uh, we don't want mass hysteria either.

Our main concern is that

we're allowed to continue our work.

- Yes, that is very important.

- Very important.

But my concern is, I feel like the cat is sort of

already kind of out of the bag.

I think what they're saying is

the cat is out of the bag.

They want us to put the cat

back inside the bag.

No, I know that's what they're saying.

- But I'm saying the cat's already out.

- I know. I know it's out.

- So it's hard to put the cat back in.

- It's not impossible.

- But that's why they have that saying.

- It's a nonsense saying.

If the cat is outta the bag,

you can't put it back in!

I put a cat in a bag all the time.

But once the cat is out of the bag,

aren't you like,

"Ooh! The cat is out of the bag!"

We just want to

shove that damn cat back in the bag.

The cat has been out of the bag before,

and yet, people lose interest

and put it back in.

People always move on.

Sheriff in New Mexico

reports a UFO encounter.

The crew of the SS Ourang Medan

dies mysteriously.

The entire town of Langville, Montana,

goes missing.

It does?

Okay, but he...

We're talking about relocating.

No one's being killed here, right?

They were turned inside out.

Their skin is on the inside of their body?

Their skin is on the inside of their body

because their organs are on the outside.

But they're okay, right?

Sure.

I think they're dead.

On that horrifying note,

thank you all so much for coming.

Call this number if you have any more info.

When it comes to these ghosts,

we'll take it from here.

The US government

doesn't need the help of hobbyists, okay?

So go back upstairs to

your little dim sum tea party, okay?

And leave it to us. We're the big dogs.

- Hey, come on, man.

- I'm sorry. Sorry.

Meatheads.

- Unlock it. Unlock it.

- Okay, wait. Hold on.

Roll your window up.

I'm watching you.

You think they got genitals in there?

Or is it more of a Ken doll situation?

I'm watching you!

I'm gonna go with Ken doll situation.

It's smooth.

We're watching you!

Now, the mayor said we could

continue our work, and so we shall.

We got to be prepared.

That's why I've made a table of treats.

Erin, you've had a hard day. Step right up.

Pick a gun, any gun.

No!

I'm sorry, not that gun.

That one's not ready. It's yours when it is.

Here, in the meantime...

This.

Wow! What does it do?

It's a Swiss Army knife.

No woman should walk around unarmed.

I know what it does.

- Also, here, why don't you take this.

- Yeah?

Give that a toss.

That's gonna send up a little poof.

It's only dangerous to ghosts.

- All right.

- Okay.

Oh, nice!

- Ooh!

- Ohl

Yeah, my mistake.

It was a medium poof.

This puppy I like to call a Ghost Chipper.

Hollow-laser technology,

sucks in the ghost and neutralizes it.

Step up to bat and do what you're gonna do.

You truly scare me.

I just want to let you know that.

I'm gonna just...

- Oh...

- Come on!

Oh, it's like Mardi Gras in there.

It's a proton glove.

It's gonna maximize flexibility

during hand-to-specter combat.

Just give it a punch, it's motion-activated.

Ha-ha!

Okay. That...

...was awesome!

- No, that is a deadly high five.

- No.

- No.

- Hey, ladies,

I'd call this a successful test.

It's fraudulent and unsafe, frankly.

You know, these Ghostbusters

are creating an unnecessary panic

- ...in a sad grab for fame.

- It's fine.

People can rest assured

that these women are fake.

Oh!

Damn.

- Aw, my favorite acid.

- It's okay. I'll get it. I'll get it.

Be careful.

Hey, guys, I've been meaning to ask,

what was that thing that threw that man

out the window the other day?

Kevin, it was a ghost.

- A ghost?

- Do you not know what goes on here, Kevin?

Okay, I've got it.

We sell the restaurant.

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