Gigantic Page #2

Uh, that, that guy,

the big guy who came in earlier

His daughter. es su hija.

He buy that bed?

- Yup.

Yeah, you see that's what I'm talking about.

That's what I'm talking about.

So what's up with them Chinese people.

Uh, still no word.

Alright, I'll see you tomorrow.

Tell your papa I said Happy 80th.

I will.

How old was he when he had you?

Uh 52.

Damn.

Still shooting bullets at 52.

I'm out.

- Ok.

I fell asleep on your bed.

How long was I asleep?

Uh ..

You must've been tired.

I've got your receipt here

and all the paperwork for the bed

You just need to tell me

when to deliver it.

Wait a minute ...

I had this f***ed up dream ...

I was in a cave and my hair

was made out of marijuana

and then ...

my swim coach was um ...

And then ... we went to ...

are you adopting a dog?

No.

Oh, you were in my dream.

Do you ever incorporate things

into your dreams?

I was out of it.

What were we talking about?

Umm .. delivery...

when do you want it?

No, you were on the phone

you were talking bout somethin' ..

In the process of adopting

a baby from China.

Did you give me this?

- Yes.

Wow, that's amazing.

Well, it was right there on the bed ...

No, I meant the baby.

Oh, I don't have the baby yet

Yeah, you've to go through

a sh*t ton of tests, interviews

And there are a few categories where I'm not

An ideal candidate.

Do you mind me asking why?

- Not at all, I'm not married and I'm 28.

What would they rather have?

- Married and 30.

Are you gonna raise this kid?

That's the idea,

yeah if I ever get one.

So, how long have you

wanted to do that?

Pretty much my whole life.

So it's been a weird obsession.

Sorry I keep asking questions.

No, it's ok,

it's a little weird.

So do you actually deliver it?

The bed?

Oh no, the guys do it.

The delivery guys.

Ok, well,

I guess I'll just come in tomorrow and ...

See what my dad wants.

Yeah sure, you just have to sign here

and you're good.

I'm Brian, by the way.

- I'm Happy.

My name's Harriet,

but everybody calls me Happy.

It's a nice name.

Which one?

- Harriet.

I like it.

- Me too.

Yes, so uh ..

- Sh*t.

I'll talk to you tomorrow?

- I'm late for work.

You going to work now?

Yeah, I'm a hooker.

I thought so.

I work for my sister, sort of.

I gotta go.

- Yes, good luck.

Thanks for letting me sleep here.

Sure.

Anytime, uh ..

Yeah, that's looking good.

Is it?

Hell yeah.

Black hair ain't easy to deal with y'know.

Had a white stepfather had to deal with

my sister's Afro coiffures

She looked like a dog

when he finished with 'em.

White people just don't know how difficult

black hair's to deal with.

Wassup dude not much.

Y'know Kevin.

That's two separate things.

"What's up dude?" is the question.

"Not much" is the answer

to that question.

Listen dudes, I need someone to help me

with that Scona delivery

For that guy with the fag friend

I'm sorry, homosexual.

Where's Plume?

Well he called in sick dude.

He's like ate some bad chicken

Parts and he's like honking his guts out.

Well get on Kumalo.

- No, not today dude. Religion.

I'll do it.

Sweet.

I'll call in a temp.

- No, no, no I don't mind.

Route 212, 93. Busca el 2903.

Right here.

Ok.

Sweet.

Happy!

What?!

The door!

Yeah?

- Sandman mattress. It's the delivery.

Ok.

- Thanks.

Put some clothes on for God's sake.

Hello?

- Yup.

We're delivering the mattress.

I'm lying on the kitchen floor.

Now that we both know what we're doing,

what's next?

Where can we set this up?

How about the bedroom area?

Right.

Where is that, sir?

Happy!!!

Hi.

-Hi.

The delivery guy got sick.

Oh, ok, I'll show you.

Wassup dude not much.

Kevin!

Coming.

So, um, just, right there.

Happy.

Happy!!

What? Coming.

I'm going to the back doctor today.

- Ok.

I need you to drive me.

No way.

I'll give you $1000

Dad, I can't.

Get that kid to do it.

Who? Brian?

Well we just can't ask him to do stuffs like that.

That's weird.

Hey, I've kinda a weird question for you.

What is it?

Will you drive my dad

to the back specialist?

I can't drive in New York City.

A cab?

He doesn't ride in cabs.

Well, yes ...

He'll pay you ...

and I will come with you so it won't get too weird

I really appreciate you doing this

taking time off from work and all.

Oh well.

- Oh, where the hell is she?

Brian, I'm totally serious when I say she may've

gotten lost leaving the apartment.

Ooh, somebody got all glossied up.

Ow.

You play tennis, Brian?

I've played, not much.

- I have the 9th fastest serve in the world.

They clocked it.

Verified.

The doctor will meet you in Room 1.

- Fabulous. Will be about an hour.

Come on in now.

- Ok.

Thanks.

Structurally, there are no abnormalities.

This has to do with your musculature and your ligaments

this has to be the last time we talk about this.

What about ruptured discs?

That is bullshit. All that sh*t is

f***ing f***ing bullshit ok?

Back disorders, duodenal ulcers,

the most misdiagnosed conditions

Attributed to middle-aged men today.

I'm not going down that road.

Stress, Al.

Tension.

Weariness, that's what causes

most of this sh*t.

Let me show you something.

A little pressure.

Look at that energy pattern.

You look at it.

I'll go along with it ...

But I'm not f***ing stressed.

What are you reading?

It's an article about a Tibetan

who plays basketball with some other

Monks in Arizona.

Says they got in a fight with five advertising

executives in front of a bunch of kids.

What are you reading?

Uhm ... mostly just ads.

This one's for ... a ..

Meditation cushion ...

that's filled with buckwheat.

And it costs $249

It's a cushion?

Yeah, it's mostly just a pillow that

looks like a stump.

Seems like a lot.

- Yeah.

Do you have any interest in

having sex with me?

Yeah.

- Really?

Now.

- Mm hmm.

I need to schedule another appointment, Linda.

How was your visit, Mr. Lolly?

A waste of money.

How about Thursday the 23rd?

Nope.

- The 24th?

Yup.

- 9:
30?

No.

- 2:
30

Yup.

Smells like a wharf nut in here.

What?

You heard me.

Smells like low tide.

That's weird.

- I don't smell anything.

Hey, how was the doctor, dad?

Yup, good enough quack.

Charged a fortune but I've got his number.

Did you know I had brain cancer once, Brian?

No.

- Yup.

Yup, huge tumour on the

recesses in my temporal lobe.

But you're ok now.

Yup. 100% holistic.

No chemo, no radiation.

What did you do?

I mapped the pathology of the cancer with my mind.

Very Chinese.

Yup.

Then I moved it.

Again with meditation.

I pushed it down to the fatty tissue

of my temporal lobe

Then I moved it down to my nasal cavity stream.

Then ...

then one day I just hocked it out.

About the size of a squash ball,

maybe bigger.

Do you play squash, Brian?

Yeah, I've played some squash.

I was the No. 2 at Yale

behind some Paki named Nasser.

Dad.

Uh. Pakistani.

The guy was a wire.

Hey Brian

- Hi ...

It's Missy.

- Right, gerbil cock, right?

She wants you.

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