Gigantic Page #6

And then you'll be returning here

to New York with the baby.

This is terrific.

Brian, let's go celebrate.

Kenny, would you care to join us?

Uh y'know I would love to

but I've got work to do here

Here's what you do, tell your girl to hold all

your calls and you pop out for a quick one with us.

Well, I don't have a girl, Kirby.

Who makes your appointments?

Who takes your drycleaning in?

I do.

You do?

Mercy, Lord, that's tragic.

Harriet.

Hey dad, this is Octavio,

he was just gettin' going.

Not on my account he won't.

- No, no, I've kept him long enough.

Take care Octavio.

Don't.

So.

- So?

I'm going to cooking school. In France.

- Alright.

I just signed up online.

Why not take on another career?

Blazed through 5 in 5 years.

Dad?

- You're on pace for some kinda record.

Well, I'm sorry, but chef school ... but I've never

seen you do anything but pour cereal.

Y'know what,

I really need your support right now.

I'll give you whatever you need.

Ok, thank you.

Sure this isn't

coming from somewhere else?

Like what?

Like uh ... like your friend.

- What about him?

Did he hurt you?

No.

He told me he loved me.

- He did?

Yes ... sort of.

And I sort of love him.

But now, I'm gonna y'know commit myself

fully to this, ok?

Well, it's a swift change,

but whatever you need I'll support you.

Some of the most important decisions we make in life

are done in a matter of minutes, even seconds

It's your life.

Do as you will.

He's asleep?

- Yup, knocked out cold.

Well, should we get out of here?

Y' think she might show up for some dessert?

- We already ate it.

Oh yeah,

that'd be the plates of cake huh?

I'm sure she got tied up

with something important.

Just make sure she's alright.

Call her, drop by her place.

Well, get him home,

I'm gonna figure this thing out.

Hey, congratulations big guy.

I'm so happy for you, Brian.

Thanks mom.

Go get her, sport.

- Bye.

That's gonna end poorly?

- Jonathan?

It's just the way I see it, mom.

Women, present company excluded, are liars, thieves,

and a categorical waste of time and resources.

You're a fool.

- Yeah, I've been called worse.

Roland,

How bout dessert?

- Let's go. I'll get the coats.

... You're crazy ...

Bye!

Hey.

- Hi.

How are you doing?

- Umm, I'm a little cramped.

I'm sorry about dinner.

What happened?

I was at work and we couldn't get

any cell service when we were taping

but then Melanie was kinda like in my ear the

whole day and I left my phone in my purse and ...

Just kind of ...

Is that a lie?

Kind of.

- Ok.

Do you wanna come upstairs?

How was your dinner?

I'm sorry.

This is definitely my fault.

I just have so much

I wanna tell you.

First, I wanna tell you that ...

I care for you.

I really do.

Never met anyone like you.

Ok.

I'm just so f***ed up.

I don't have a real job ...

never had a boyfriend ...

Never really been in love.

It's just a lot.

It's too much.

You're about to have

a f***in' kid, Brian.

I know.

I understand ...

It's disappointing, but ...

I guess I had to know

one way or the other.

I feel like sh*t.

I am sh*t.

I'm gonna go to chef school.

Next week, in France.

What? I didn't know ...

- Neither did I, but I speak French, so ...

It's gonna be a fresh start ...

- Can I have a little more vodka?

Well, I think our work here

is done.

No Brian, don't go like that.

- Sorry ...

At least be mad at me ...

- Sorry, I've got too much to be worried bout right now

I'm going to go ...

- Please just stay a little while?

Sorry, that would be

a little f***ing easy.

You're really enjoying your

self-righteousness now, aren't you?

I've an international power converter

thing in my apartment if you need it.

I got it in France

when I was 18.

You don't understand.

There's ... something going on

for a long time.

Hello ...

Hello?

- Uhh, we're on our way.

Now when I get to the house,

I press the button with your name on it?

What I don't understand is, how is the button

big enough to hold your name?

Name is next to the button, dad.

Oh oh ok ... and the porter will clear it?

- There's no doorman, dad.

No porter? what d'ya mean, you mean no one?

- No.

Who does your shoes? Who take care of deliveries?

- Dad, just ring the buzzer 'n I'll buzz you up.

Ok? You'll figure it out when you get here?

- Ok ok ... alright, see you there. Bye ...

How do ya shut this off?

Uhmm ... right there.

- Hit the green, no, hit the red.

Thanks for the cellphone.

He's living in squalor.

Hi.

- Hi.

I thought you'd already gone.

My plane is supposed to leave tomorrow, but I thought

I'd come by and get the power converter.

What happened to your face?

Uh ... a pickup game.

- A pickup game?

Yeah, some fratboys.

Well, are you having a party?

My folks are coming by and

my brothers are coming too.

Oh, God ...

is there someone here?

Maybe I should leave.

Oh!

- This is the little one.

I thought you had to go to China.

Uh, no, the agency called, this couple

in Long Island flipped out and got cold feet.

So,

she's yours?

Went out there last week, and we're

celebrating one week together today.

This is May.

- Did you pick that?

No, but I like it.

Me too.

She's beautiful.

Yeah, I think so too.

Let me get that thing.

- Oh.

Oh, the door?

- Yeah, can you please buzz that?

Stay there.

Uh, think this is it.

Should work in all of Europe.

Brian, I wanted to talk to you

a little bit more.

Well, my entire family is bout to walk thru the door.

- I know, I just wanted to apologise

For acting out the other night and I'm really sorry

for being so weird and I just wanna tell you that

Alright, let's have a little look

at the little Samurai.

Samurai's Japanese, dad.

- Akibonos, the little panda, where's she?

Oh my God!

She is the most darling thing I've ever seen.

Can I hold her?

Oh thank you. Barbara, we gotta apply

and get one of these.

You did it!

So damn proud of ya!

This is not just champagne.

- Hey, everyone ...

This is ...

this is Happy.

Oh I thought you were goin' off to become a chef, Happy.

- Yeah, well, I uhmm ...

I signed up for a cooking school

on the internet ...

It doesn't exist because it dissolved in 2004

and they didn't update the website ...

I see ...

- But I'm gonna study here in the city ...

Marvelous! That's fantastic, because we need

someone in this family who can cook.

Because frankly, Barbara don't get ya nose outta the joint,

collectively we can't make buttered toast.

John Weathersby.

Nice to meet you.

- Get outta here.

A toast, Brian?

Why don't you do it Grandpa? You're good at it.

- Mm, good ... I'll take that bait.

I'm James.

- Hi, I'm Happy.

Since brevity is the soul of wit

And tediousness its limbs

and outward flourishes

Therefore, I shall be brief.

Twait.

- That's William Shakespeare, boy.

May ...

a new child, a new life, a new family ...

Welcome, little May ...

and love ... love love love

You're in good kind hands.

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