Gigantic Page #5

but I cannot touch the Swedes, I'll tell you that.

They outsleep everybody, but ...

They are some depressed,

suicidal n*ggers ... I'll tell you that for nothin'

Where is that, Iceland?

Anyway, be that as it may ...

Can you hold on one second?

Brian?

- Yeah?

Kenyatta called.

This is Kenyatta.

- Hey, Kennyata, it's Brian Weathersby.

Hey Brian.

What's up man?

You called me.

Mmm no ... you called me

I'm calling you back.

Sh*t! You're right!

They approved you.

So so, listen man ...

This is how it breaks down.

You are going to go to Hong Kong

in a few months, and ...

We have an international sister agency,

they gonna handle it from there, hook you up,

I just wanna say, congratu-f***in-lations man,

you did it.

Thanks.

- So, uh I'll be in touch ...

I'll probably have you come in and take care

of some financial stuffs, but congratulations!

Thank you.

- You got it baby.

Laters.

- Bye.

As I suspected gents

he didn't go for the black market idea.

No go. I'll call it off.

I appreciate the effort though. I owe you all

for the due diligence. This round's on me.

Weathersby, how come you've never had a wife?

Never a family.

Just why,

if you don't mind us asking.

Well, you guys

are happily married, right?

Yes.

Look where it got you,

getting hand-pumped on a Tuesday night.

Why have you

never done it, John?

It's ok to not be married.

Yes, it is.

I was close once.

Hawaiian broad.

What happened?

We split, she married a college professor

who brewed his own beer.

What does it feel to study?

Asian studies.

Well, looks like

it turned out well for everybody.

Oh yeah,

here I am with you fish-face perverts

F*** you,

round-eyed drouchebag.

Douchebag, Nagata.

D-O-U-C-H-E-B-A-G.

Goddamn, if you don't try

to squeeze an R in every word.

A**hole.

Honey, you may wanna work the balls a little bit

We're gonna be here all night.

You want some goat stew?

You made that?

Hell, no.

West Indian girl I know

made it for me.

It's damn good too.

Real dark-skinned girl, ass like a beach ball.

That's your girl?

- Yeah.

Mmm mm .. body's tight ...

No disrespect.

Hi

- Hi.

You're Roger.

- Good guess. It's nice to meet you Happy.

You fine-looking thing you. You want some goat stew?

- Sure.

Be right back.

So what's the big news?

Shall we get a cup of coffee

or somethin'?

I don't know ... depends on how serious

this little meeting we're having is ...

Not serious.

Here you go.

One piping hot goat stew.

Smells good. I'll leave you two

lovebirds alone. Nice to meet you ...

Or we can do it here.

You're making me nervous.

No, don't be.

It's nothing really.

How's your soup?

A little ...

Ligamenty ...

Well, you don't have to eat it if you uh ...

- No, it's good.

So what is it?

I got the baby.

The baby, the baby?

- Yeah.

I made the list.

I'm going to China to get it

And bring it back here.

Wow ... that's so great.

- I know.

Yeah, I know, it's crazy.

On the one hand, I've been waiting

For a long time ...

- Uh Brian, I really wanna hear this, can ya just

Hold this for one sec cause I just ...

is there a bathroom I could use really quickly?

Yeah sure, it's right over there.

- This is really great Brian, really excited for you.

I'm so sorry I just run over that

all these things that I have to do.

Like what?

- Like, just stuffs for the show and some other things.

I could come with you, this place is ...

- No, cause I just remembered I have a doctor's appointment

It's for my ...

- Gynaecologist? You just remembered you had a gynaecologist to see

Yeah, so I have to go,

but I'll call you later and uhm

Congratulations!

I'm super-psyched for you.

Thanks. My family's having a dinner

to celebrate tomorrow night.

Can you come?

- Sure.

You could bring your dad if you want.

- Great.

Mom?

- Yeah, who's this?

It's Harriet.

- Harriet? How are you dear?

I'm okay.

- Oh God, good to hear your voice.

Thanks. Uhm ...

What are you up to?

Oh, you gotta get out here and see me.

It's been too long, dear.

Yup, where are you, exactly?

- This is the new place, the New Mexico house.

I thought it's Naples, Florida, 809?

The uh,

the Florida house.

When did you move out there?

- We come here for the polo season ...

And Paul's car show.

Is Paul the new boyfriend?

- He is.

Great. What does he do?

- Nothing, he likes cars and he owns a few ponies.

What are you up to?

- I'm relaxing, just here with some of my lady friends

And we're just doing what we do.

Why don't you come here and I'll pay for everything.

Uhm, maybe, yeah it's ... it's tough.

I actually just called to ask you something.

Well, I don't know

what you could possibly ask me.

Well sort of a general question, mom.

Y'know I still get these alumni newsletters

from Graaten

Do you want me to hold on to them,

I could put them in an envelope for you or somethin'

No, it's okay.

Anyways, can I just ask you this thing?

- Alright, if you feel like you must.

I'm seeing this guy

and he's about to ...

Anyways I was with him ...

and I got really nervous and I ...

Went to the bathroom and I threw up everywhere.

- You're ill?

No, I'm not ... I'm not ill.

I just went to the bathroom and threw up everywhere

I just wondered if you had

ever done anything like that.

Honey, you probably got a microbial virus or some type

of toxic food poisoning. Did you eat from a deli?

No mom, I didn't eat from a deli.

- Sweetheart. Hang up, don't give the phone co. all of our money.

You plan a trip, you come up and see me.

I'll make you soup, and I'll put you in bed

And read you a book.

You need to get healthy.

Down. Come down and see you.

- Good.

Will you say hello to your father for me?

And tell him I need to talk to him? - Ok.

Alright, beautiful.

Bye.

I haven't been in an office

in 20 years.

This is different?

- Where are the offices?

These are them.

- Hmm ... these pens ...

... These aren't offices. Where do you

hang your topcoat, your diplomas, your artwork?

So sorry to keep you guys waiting

I'm Kenyatta ...

Kirby Weathersby.

- Nice to meet you.

Your son has been very diligent about this

and he's a rare case ...

Oh yeah he's been talkin' bout it his whole life

- Is that right?

For his 8th birthday,

I got him a bike.

Chrome mongoose. He ran to his room crying,

said he wanted a baby, a Chinese baby for that matter.

Well, let's get down to some specifics, shall we?.

Oh, can I get either of you somethin' to drink?

I'll take a bourbon.

Dad? They don't do that.

- No?

Oh, great.

Nothing for me, thanks.

So, uhm, thanks for coming in.

Obviously you'll be the baby's primary sponsor ...

Brian ... and

Mr. Weathersby...

Kirby, please.

Kirby, your wife and two boys, John and James,

will be the baby's secondary guardians, is that right?

Ok, great. Just sign here and here Ok,

and initial here.

Thanks.

- Thank you.

So Brian, looks like you'll be headed over to Hong Kong

in 2 months, you'll spend 2 weeks there.

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