Gilbert Page #6

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- Where's your camera?

- [Arlene] I have to find it.

- The camera.

- What kind?

- [Arlene] Alright

Max hold on tight.

(laughing)

- Not literally hold on tight.

- Well I was like this.

(laughing)

- [Arlene] That's good actually.

- Certain things,

not everything.

Certain things, yeah.

(gentle music)

- My sister Arlene was gonna

chronicle my mother's life.

I think it was more my

mother's death in a way.

You know her last years

living by herself,

her last years in a nursing

homes and the hospital.

I wouldn't have touched it.

I think it'd be too weak

or too secretive about it.

- That's how I knew

how to cope with it,

by taking pictures.

It's how I dealt with the pain

and watching her fade away.

You know out of all the

other work that I've done,

it's such an intimate work

and revealing about her

and to show her in

such a vulnerable state

that I was almost, I was afraid.

- He was actually

very good in a way

that we don't really talk

about things like that so much,

but he said something like well,

that's the point of the

photograph, you know.

And I was stunned.

- It's emotional, it was

very emotional for me

to look at the book.

Honestly, honestly,

this is the truth,

there's some picture

of me the day after

my mother passed and I

look at that and I say

that was the saddest

day of my life.

Without question, that was

the saddest day of my life.

- It definitely

brings back memories

and it brings back my father.

I can hear my

father's voice saying

your parents aren't

gonna be around forever.

And as bad as it is

when your father dies

there's something

about your mother dying

that really pulls the

rug out from under you.

- Yeah, yeah I was

definitely a mama's boy.

(laughs)

- Also you know neither

sister ever got married

and they would all meet

up at his mom's house.

She was like the center.

- Yeah, yeah even my

grandmother Van Dyke did.

Yeah at 89 years old.

- How old are you now?

- I just turned 90 last month.

- Oh jeez.

(laughing)

- I don't feel 90, it's funny.

I think it's all in your head.

13 emotionally probably,

but I just don't feel it.

- What I want to know is

when you have a son who's 65

do you still look upon

it as your little boy?

- Oh sure, yeah, to

me they never grew up.

I said you can't be

65 'cause I'm 65.

(laughing)

- Hey can we sing together?

- Yeah.

- 'Cause I have some of

your lyrics written down.

- Lyrics?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- Well here.

This is, here, we're both

putting on our glasses.

This is like we're in a home.

Okay, put on a happy face.

- You pick your key.

- You talk about an

untrained singer.

(laughing)

Gray skies are gonna clear up

Put on a happy face

Brush off the

clouds and cheer up

Put on a happy face

And spread sunshine

all over the place

Just put on a happy face

I just sang with Dick Van Dyke.

(chuckles)

And I think I came.

(laughing)

(light jazzy music)

See this is a comedy cruise,

so they've handed each one of

us a phony mustache.

Eh?

A lot of people watch

me and go ooh boy

so you're there, you can take

any movie or TV show you want

and now you've made it and

no, no it could go any second.

You should be a little

more impressed with me.

Have you ever heard

my John MacGuyver?

Everything must be done

according to schedule.

- It's hard making a career

in showbusiness, it's even

harder sustaining it and

comics are people who

for them to be

successful have to go out

and make strangers laugh.

People you don't know laugh.

- I don't wanna say my

wife's cooking is bad,

but how can you burn jello?

(laughing)

Oh that was wonderful, oh,

what a beautiful crowd.

What a wonderful audience.

Years ago you could

have said to me

you're gonna be going on

stage to an audience of

20,000 people and it will be

broadcast all over the earth

and I'd go oh, okay.

A scene from every

1940s murder mystery.

Beats me.

(laughing)

And now when I'm about to

go on there's a part of me

going can I still do this?

I don't know how to do this.

(cheering)

Just once I'd like to

hear a black person say

today I got on the elevator

there was a Jew standing there,

I got so scared.

(laughing)

I didn't even think he

lived in the building.

- I think there's times

Gilbert still enjoys

going up on stage and I

think there's other times

that he's just exhausted

and he's tired of telling

the same jokes over and over.

- Mickey Mouse on acid.

Oh god, I'm freaking out.

Oh god I'm freaking out!

(laughing)

- Uh uphill climb.

- Yeah.

(cheering)

- Right now I'd like

to share a very old

Jewish expression with you.

I'm just doing anything

to avoid my regular act

which I'm so f***ing tired of.

Say, I don't like the way

you're talking to her.

Come on, you and me are

gonna have to tango.

And you too.

Go ahead, throw one punch at me.

Come on, I'll put one

arm behind my back

and I'll take on both of you.

And he puts the kid in the sand

and the kid's not breathing

so he's pumping his chest,

lifting his arms up and down

and beating him, no,

he's a little boy,

he wouldn't do that to him

'cause his dick isn't that,

he can't hold on to that.

He would have to beat

him off like that.

And you couldn't

get a firm grip.

Wait a minute!

Come back, this one's clean!

Usually I lose the

crowd quicker than that,

I must be slipping.

- Bingo in a half hour.

You wanna play bingo?

- I dunno.

- Let's exercise, will

you go to the gym with me?

- Who's this guy Jim

you keep talking about?

- I'm serious.

You wanna walk around the track?

- In a second.

(chuckles)

- No I thought--

(laughing)

F*** you.

- Maybe I'll grab a piece

of pastry on the way out.

- You can't just eat

and not exercise.

- Yes you can, look at

everyone else on the boat.

(laughing)

(mellow music)

I'll never get this.

That's it, that's it.

Yeah.

(laughing)

- [Dara] Gilbert and

I have been together

almost 20 years now.

I never met nor will I ever meet

another person like Gilbert.

I know it seems

odd, but it works.

We're like two puzzle

pieces that fit together.

- You'll never believe what

I'm gonna do with this.

This is a comic mind, here.

- [Dara] We dated for 10

years before we got married

and that was not easy.

- Now I got spit on my hair.

- He was so ridden with fear.

He was scared that if he had

a quote unquote traditional

life like a wife and kids

then he wouldn't be who he was.

That he would be

like everyone else.

And I told him, we could

get married and have kids

and it doesn't have to

be anywhere near normal.

I don't even know

what normal is.

(laughing)

(clapping and cheering)

- Gilbert you wanna

see this, our wedding?

- Yeah I saw it, I was there.

- But you wanna

see the pictures?

- I was already there.

- But do you wanna

see the pictures?

- I don't have to

see the pictures.

I was there, I experienced it.

- I think it was hard

at the beginning because

he doesn't really,

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