Girl Walks Into a Bar Page #7

Thank you for saving my life, Samuel.

I wouldn't go that far.

Is it true that Mexican

men love cunnilingus?

Um

Oh, I'm sorry, that

came off really forward.

I just suddenly feel like I have this

new lease on things, you know?

And there's just no time for

pleasantries and being polite.

I mean, there's barely

enough time to go out there

and get what you want.

My grandfather was Mexican,

I was born here.

Oh, I guess it'd be an

awkward question to ask him.

Yeah, he's

- he passed away anyway.

Took the secret with him.

Do you want to dance?

Not just yet.

I'll be right back.

Mmmm'

Ready for another one?

Probably.

So how's it going, officer?

Detective.

Not going so well, actually.

You seem a little uptight

if you don't mind me saying so.

Actually, I do mind, I'm

trying to figure some stuff out.

- What stuff?

- Personal stuff...

about courage

and what makes us special.

Oh

I thought it was about the girl.

Her too

What's wrong with her?

She's sending me mixed signals.

Hey, Officer Salazar?

Detective.

I'm not wearing any underwear

I wouldn't read between

the lines so much.

You are unique.

There are, I'm sure, uncommon things

that you are particularly good at.

Play to your strong suits, shine.

Don't concentrate on things

that other people have

told you you're no good at.

Relish the talents you have.

And always...

always surround yourself with

people who appreciate you.

Sam?

But if I'm gonna be

completely honest with you,

I haven't had a real

piece of ass since El Paso.

That was one hot, little

lady you had there.

Jewel.

I suppose you banged

her, too, after I left.

Well, I was with my wife

at the time, remember?

She gets manicures, doesn't

she, she goes shopping?

All wives do.

Just saying, where there's

a will there's a way.

Point is I didn't do anything.

Yeah, you wanted to, I can tell.

Empty again.

You ready for another?

No, still working on this.

Mikey did, though.

Chafes me to this day, you know why?

Because if I hadn't

told him she was hooking,

he never would have had the

balls to ask her up to his room.

Guy is a complete p*ssy when

it comes to talking to women,

especially women with cans like those.

I don't know what you're talking about.

You never noticed how

intimidated he gets around women

who got a great rack?

Never noticed.

He-he-he can't talk,

he st-st-st-stutters.

It must be something in his past.

Mother, I don't know.

You remember how he could

never talk to your ex?

No disrespect.

Nome taken

Guy can't see past a

decent-sized double barrel.

Great looking girl, though.

We're talking about Francine now?

No, I mean, her, too, but, no, Jewel.

What was her real name?

Nice Jewish name.

Oh, man, let me tell you,

that is a lethal combination.

Nice Jewish girl drops out

of school, starts hooking.

Unstoppable.

Night you saw her, what was she wearing?

To be honest, I don't

remember what she had on.

More the shape underneath

didn't leave so much to the imagination.

She had me up like a rock for five days.

Blue steel, I don't mind telling you.

That's a lot of information.

Yeah, I'm not kidding you, man.

We've known each other ten years?

Six.

- A long time.

- Long time.

- Long time

- Long time

At least among the guys on the force,

I consider you a fairly knowledgeable

connoisseur of ass.

I don't know where

you're going with this.

Look, after the divorce,

you've had your fair share of tail.

You know, I'm just going by

the red head with the boots

and the cousins down Cucharacha Way?

Who was that chick you

were with the other night?

Camilla, she's my neighbor.

What did you do, ring her doorbell,

ask her for sugar or something?

She's a good girl.

She's got some issues.

I'm just trying to

loosen her up a little.

Point is, you like it.

What?

Ass!

You mean the actual buttocks

or the general region?

What?

The royal ass, women, dames, skirts.

Sure, I like them.

Yeah, well, see, these guys today,

young guys on the force

they don't seem to think

about it all that much.

Maybe it's a generational shift.

Porn on the Internet, I don't know.

You know, maybe I didn't

think about it as much

when I was younger.

One day it just hit me: Wham!

Full-blown epiphany.

Went from being a hobby

to a full-time occupation.

Chasing skirts.

Yeah, I don't know when it happened.

I don't know why it happened.

At first, it was because

things were terrible

with me and Eileen.

Terrible...

and then it was because she found out,

things between us got worse.

If you want ass, there is no

ass in the whole wide world

like Jewel Kazinsky, El Paso.

I'll keep that in mind.

I gotta go.

Ooh!

- You gonna be all right?

- Sure.

We should call you a cab, Captain.

Speak of the dew

That your ex-wife?

Yes, it is.

You still got that photo?

The photograph you showed me?

Yes, sir.

- You got it?

- Excuse me.

What are you doing here?

I was thirsty.

A thousand bars in this

county, you gotta come here.

Yeah, I like the way

they mix their drinks.

You're something else.

Bar is big enough for both of us,

so why don't you go back to your corner

and I'll be right over here.

You checking up on me?

What is there to check up on?

What is it, you like the aggravation?

Why are you so aggravated, Emmet?

What is it you're not telling me?

I'm not telling you anything,

don't have to any more.

I know you, you're here, it's

because you want something.

Well, rest assured, it isn't you.

Hi.

Emmet.

Yeah, I'm not really a prick, I-

We just have a really bad

history of horrible chemistry.

What's your name?

Teresa

- You?

- Henry.

Hi, could you do me a favor?

You don't have anything.

We're not so good when

we're around each other.

Okay, if I back you up,

what do I get for my trouble?

What do you want?

We're hoping to score some back rubs.

Funny, keep it up, Junior.

Now What?

Now I got him.

You don't have anything.

He's on high alert, he hates

your guts and he's a cop.

Watch and learn.

Get Us a dark booth

Hey, man, where do you get

off calling me junior, huh?

Get your hands off me

How would you like it

if I called you senior

in front of your lady friends?

Lei go of my arm

Why are you so jumpy, man?

What part of this are you

not understanding, punk?

You come into this bar

again, I will kick your ass.

How'd it go?

We're even

Not until you put this back.

I said pick his wallet, not steal it.

Such a sweet sweet mam

Why would you ever divorce him?

It's not here.

This a bad time?

I was out of line.

It's no big deal.

It's a pretty big deal, let me finish.

As Francine may or

may not have told you,

I've been battling

anger management issues

for quite a chunk of time.

Emmet, this is not the time.

I respectfully disagree.

Now I jumped on your friend here

and made an ass out of myself

and I like to think that

we're all grown up enough

that I can rectify it

and we can all enjoy our

evenings at the same location

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