Girl Walks Into a Bar Page #6

Well, he has a picture

he won't give back

and he keeps showing all his friends.

It's really starting to piss me off.

Are you naked in it?

What's with the one-track mind?

Maybe

If I steal it, am I allowed to see it?

You're not exactly in a

position to negotiate here.

Hope strings eternal.

Okay, who writes your dialogue?

Okay, you steal it first,

you get it back to me

without him noticing,

then we will discuss further terms.

But first, we gotta make a stop.

- Yes.

- Thank you.

Yes

Yeah, I think you can give

her a little more considering.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

So where's this Bigfoot?

It doesn't get going for another hour.

What do undercover

detectives do for fun?

Teach me to shoot some pool.

Him?

I taught him everything he knows.

She's right, you guys start without me.

First round of beer is on me.

Is he gonna make a run for it?

Nah, he's totally dishonest

until he gives you his word,

then he's the most loyal

puppy dog in the world.

Thanks

What's a smart girl like you doing

taking off her clothes

for pocket change?

What's a smart girl like you doing

playing cops and robbers?

I need the medical.

Profound me too

Go for the three

Is he really a good photographer?

His portraits are surprisingly good.

It's impossible for people

to not let their guard down

around him, it's weird.

So if he asks to take

your picture, beware.

Don't do it?

No, do it

but you've been warned.

Who is teaching me

here, you or your sister?

go for the ten,

You're not going for the ten, are you?

Leave her alone.

The nine is all set up.

Who is teaching me

here, you or your sister?

I thought you asked me.

Come on, pilgrim, go

get us another round.

Who's the shark here?

Beginner's luck.

You're full of sh*t, Detective.

- Doing the sweet slide.

- Thin Cap.

- Erin Yorkid.

- Thin Kitty.

Getting the little man

in the boat to go fishing.

- You made that up.

- Sounds legit to me.

Oh, God!

Okay, checking for depth.

Cleaning my fur coat.

Petting the petunia.

Baby in the kitty.

I already said it.

Okay, automatic pilot.

Uh, finding yourself.

Digging for gold.

Gilding a lily.

Letting your fingers do the walking.

Coming into your own.

Tickling my fancy.

Uh, uh, spelunking in the mystery cave.

- Time!

- What?

Spelunking in the mystery cave.

Let's go steal a wallet.

That's moi a Word

It's a word, it means exploring.

Okay, triple or nothing.

No, I say we pick this up later.

Let's go steal a wallet.

That's mine.

Thank you

So we should just sit down and,uh...

can I get you a drink?

Anything, as long as it's whiskey.

Two Macallans, rocks

I just had a near-death

experience, officer.

Yes, you did.

Uh, Detective.

It's the kind of thing

you imagine happens

to somebody else, never you.

It can be very traumatic.

I read somewhere that when

something horrible happens,

you know, like a senseless tragedy

or a terrorist attack or, you know,

an incident where you suddenly realize

that you could die that very instant,

that all you want to do

suddenly is eat and drink

and smoke and have sex

Is that how you feel?

No

Well, it could take a

little while to kick in,

you're still on shock

You know, that's what

they mean when they say

life is cheap in all those

third-world countries.

But they just keep on

drinking and screwing.

Even in India where

they just did this study

that the average penis is

shorter than in other places.

Did you read that?

I can't say that I have.

Okay, the BBC reported

that condoms made according

to international sizes

are just too large

for most Indian men.

She'll have another one.

Actually make it two.

So, you had some more questions for me?

Yes, basic stuff.

I just don't want to miss

anything on my report.

It's so lucky you were right outside

when that gun went off.

Not just luck, I was

there on a case, June.

I was following one of the perps.

Do you mind if I call you June?

What I don't understand

is why he wanted me

to take off my domes

I mean, you're right in

the middle of a robbery,

adrenaline pumping violence, greed.

Do you really have time to stop

and admire a girl's cha-cha?

These guys they're psychopaths

Yeah

They get off on fear and entry

What I don't understand

is the coincidence

of Nick's ex being there.

Uh, who are you talking about, Silas?

Salazar.

Never heard of him.

No, I'm Salazar, Samuel Salazar.

The perp's name is Billy.

Karen is the other perp's wife, Nick.

Oh yeah Karen

She's his ex?

They're still married.

Have you seen them there before?

Never

Otis seems to have a lot

of luck bringing women

there on their first date.

It takes a certain

kind of, I don't know,

je ne sais quoi to bring a first date

to a nudist ping-pong bar.

Would you?

I'm not much of a player.

Unless he couldn't help himself.

Otis?

BMW the perp

Maybe he just couldn't help himself

and that's why he was

willing to throw away

all that careful planning,

just to get a peek at

me in my birthday suit.

It's kind of like a

Greek myth, you know?

I think you're

romanticizing it a little,

which is perfectly natural.

I don't think that he planned

it all that thoroughly.

I hear the words coming out of my mouth

and I want to cry,

but I can't remember

the last time I cried.

I make eye Contact and

not when I'm supposed to,

spewing platitudes plausible enough

right after the baby is born.

but what I really

want to say to her is-

Did I mention you

set my heart a-flutter

and make me feel all funny inside?

Heaven forbid I go through with it.

I'm the kind of guy who

always bets on the wrong horse.

Me, Samuel Salazar, at your service.

They say women forget the

physical pain of childbirth

right after the baby is born.

That's how come they

can start all over again,

have another child.

I guess I'm not like a woman at all,

because I have a crystal clear memory

of every heartbreak I've

suffered since the age of nine.

I was only conversational then.

Still, I can't help but

wonder if this could be

a true happy ending,

or one more false hope.

It's like a traffic accident,

I know I shouldn't look,

but I can't turn away,

because in my heart of

hearts, wherever that is,

I know the answer does

not lie within words,

but within her eyes.

The world is made up of a

billion little mysteries,

but it's not words that explain them.

Of this, I'm sure.

Do you think I could have developed

Stockholm Syndrome that quickly?

No

I've always wanted to go to Stockholm.

I've never been anywhere.

Have you traveled a lot?

A little, mostly in the United States.

I want to go to Europe...

and Egypt and those raves in Greece

where the music is really

bad and everyone is on ecstasy

and theyre all so super

tanned that it doesn't matter.

Have you been?

No

My friend went once and she said

that nobody spoke the same language,

but no one had anything to say anyways,

so the DJ played the music so

loud that even your eyes hurt.

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