Girls Gone Dead Page #3

are going to feel about that.

What?

You live with

your landlords?

I kind of, sort of...

live with my parents.

Is there

any place we can go?

I got an idea.

Come on, come on!

- What are we waiting for, then? - Hurry up!

Go, go, go!

# Forever wasted by you #

# Every time

you call my name #

# It's music to my ears #

# But I'll admit sometimes

I run away in fear... #

Oh...

#... my word's sincere #

# I'm so

wasted by you #

# Forever wasted by you ##

F*** my life.

Ooga, ooga, ooga.

Please welcome

Ronald singing "Hammersmash. "

- Hammersmash!

- Whoo!

Hi.

You so have

a crush on him.

He's my friend.

Damn this.

Can't get this

thing off.

# Hammersmash #

Oh, my God, girls.

Do you remember

this song?

Hell, yeah.

Junior year, baby.

# This is DC Hammer #

# And I'm so good #

# I think of all the rhymes that

you wish you could #

Up, come on,

you're dancing...

Come on, Miss.

# And I'll move you

out of your seat #

# With the baseline

of my funky beat #

# And I'll make

you shake your ass #

# Because this here song's

a Hammersmash #

Oh...

A front-see!

It's been a while since

I've seen one of those.

# Man this sh*t's a hit #

# Hammersmash #

# Yeah let's

get down to it #

# Every time you hear me #

# You want to

dance around #

# To my dope-ass record

and my fresh new sound... #

Boys.

# When I start spittin'

rhymes like this... #

I told you,

it'd be right there.

# Is a number-one hit #

Dude, get this right

here, get this, film it.

Right here, right here.

Zack, are you

a f***ing homo, dude?

There's f***ing hot chicks

right there, look.

You want me

to shoot that?

Look, Zack.

I'll get the one in pink to

let you put it in her pooper.

Dirk, but there's

none in pink.

Exactly.

I love this sh*t.

# I don't know what

to say right here but #

# Hammersmash #

This is so much better

than D&D!

# My sh*t don't stink #

# Or maybe

sometime it do #

# Everybody else's stinks but

Hammer's don't stink at all #

I'll be back

in one second.

I was going to tell you

take a picture

'cause it'll last longer,

but looks like you're

already doing that.

You look like someone

who should be in the movies.

Mm-hmm.

Serious, you interested?

Why don't you bring your people,

come meet my people,

and maybe we can

reach an agreement.

# Smack me, smack me #

# Smack me

like a monkey ##

Get ready, girls!

Go...

Hammerheads!

Whoo!

Give me Yeah. second.

Ahh!

Easy on the teeth,

Lisa!

You guys can't be locals.

Why is that?

Call it a hunch.

No, actually we're passing

through on our way to Daytona.

Greg here wants to

be a cameraman

for Crazy Girls Unlimited.

Right there!

Hey, this is Sal.

Come party with me,

and my main man Beetlejuice

this weekend at the Crazy Girls Mansion in

Daytona.

Crazy girls!

Whoo!

It's gonna be wild.

It's gonna be crazy.

You're gonna love it.

You're going to be

followed around

by the one and only,

exclusive Beetle Cam!

Beetle Cam!

See it my way!

You'll be having pillow fights

with the main man.

The biggest schlong

in the world, Ron Jeremy.

Well, I used to like

Crazy Girls Unlimited.

Show up to this event

or drop dead.

You guys know that Crazy Girls

is one of the fastest-growing

Fortune 500 topless video

companies in the world, right?

You're the only one

that knows that.

Why would I know that?

All you are is one of them

damn camera pervs, man.

That's right,

you handsome bastard.

I'm going to be

a famous one soon.

Oh, good for you.

We should try out.

- You want to audition?

- Yes.

Okay, what should I sing?

Kelly, Crazy Girls Unlimited

is not a talent contest.

We just saw

the commercial.

It's a "who can get drunk

and take their top off

the fastest" show.

That takes talent.

I can do that, too.

Awesome.

Rolling.

I don't think so.

Hey, could you guys

excuse me for a second?

I need to go check

on our friend.

Oh, there's another one?

Uh-huh.

Actually, there's two of us

missing right now.

Sweet.

- The more the merrier.

- Hell, yeah.

Let's get some more of them

"tig" ol' "bitties" up in here.

Is your friend here

retarded?

Which one?

Probably.

He's from Belle Glade or some

other f***ing redneck town.

I ain't from

no Belle Glade, f***.

I'm from Pahokee,

man, sh*t.

Oh, oh, oh.

That is right

on Lake Okeechobee.

The birthplace of

Mel Tillis.

Who the f*** is Mel Tillis?

I am geography major.

I like rocks.

Especially the shiny ones.

Kelly, I think

you're confused.

Geo-graphists don't

study rocks.

Geologists do.

Yeah, Kelly,

geo-graphists do.

Uh-oh.

So what brought

you guys here?

Was it the, uh,

karaoke or fine wines?

Greg here runs a video blog

and this month's topic

is "Roadside bars and the

patrons who love them. "

Mm-hmm.

Interesting.

Look who I found

in the toilet!

Can we go home now?

Open wide, sweetie.

In a sec, Becky.

Come on, meet our

new friends here.

This is Eric, Zack, Bob.

My friends call me, Bo.

Hello, Bob or Bo.

Finishing off the group is,

uh, Greg on camera,

and, uh... Dirk.

Charmed.

Do you need any help

getting her to the car?

Oh, my God,

that would be great.

- She's getting really heavy.

- Yes, oh, wow.

Do you get

a merit badge for that?

Okay, Missy,

playtime is over.

In a sec... I gotta get

some numbers.

I thought you confiscated

all of our phones?

Well, at least

I got rid of one of them.

You're such a b*tch!

Come on, Kelly.

Say tomorrow, around 4:00.

Definitely.

We actually have to

go to Daytona.

Dude...

Tomorrow and we'll

all give you...

something to film.

You guys, Crazy Girls

happens all weekend,

so we'll just get a room

down at the motel?

Yep.

Yeah, we'll see you there.

See you, boys...

tomorrow.

Yeah, you will.

All right,

let's get you in here.

Stay, stay, stay.

You're cute.

Do I smell like vomit?

Ew.

Thanks for

all your help.

So I guess I'll see

you around.

Count on it.

Hey.

So what about Lisa?

Should we call her?

She'll be fine,

she's a big girl.

Besides, we don't want to

interrupt anything.

All right, see you guys.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Have a good night.

Bye.

Hello, and welcome to

another episode of

"Fairways And Greens. "

My name is Montgomery Keybutter,

though everybody on

the tour called me "Monk. "

Instructing professional

golfers is quite different

than pulling

the average man...

Pendulum stroke.

Watch the ball to the hole.

It's that simple.

And we will be joining Paul on

the green right after this.

Crazy Girls Unlimited,

the company that brought you

"Ho, Ho, Ho's Christmas

Dreams"...

Merry Christmas!

Ha-ha-ha!

I've got a boner.

And "Irish Lasses

with the Hottest Asses. "

Top o' the morning to you!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Invites you to be the star

of our latest video...

Mandy!

...with the annual Spring Break Or Bust

blowout...

at our Mansion in

Daytona Beach, Florida.

The party begins at noon today

with our celebrity emcee,

Ron Jeremy!

Plus, at 7:
00 pm,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes