Girls Gone Dead Page #4

there will be a special

performance by Nicko McBrain,

singing hits from his

debut country album.

Yeah!

Beetlejuice will be on hand

with the infamous Beetle Cam.

- Beetle Cam!

- Okay, I'm up.

- Please, turn it off.

- Fine.

As always, if you're

crazy enough...

Well, good, now get up

and get ready.

We're going to

the beach in 20!

Okay.

- The beach?

- Mm-hmm.

Swimming.

Hey, Mandy, did, uh,

Lisa get back yet?

Uh, no, not yet.

And I think I know why.

Someone called her

and warned her

that Kelly

was making breakfast, blech.

- Funny.

- Mmmm.

Now get up

or else I'm going to

have Kelly come up here

with the plate

she saved you.

Ummm...

Let's go!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Don't forget the booze!

Let's go, hurry up.

I hope there's really cute

guys at this beach.

Yahoo!

Here we come!

So much fun!

Just like high school!

Whoo!

Oh...

Okay, Missy,

what the f***?

We put up with this sh*t bar,

but this?

This completely blows.

I thought we were going to

a beach, not a cemetery.

This f***ing place is

where people come to die!

What, who died?

I just don't get it.

Dad said this was

supposed to be a hip town,

not a hip-replacement town.

What... the hell?

Phone.

You'll fit right in,

Grandma.

Oh, my God.

- She's calling Lisa.

- Who cares?

- I don't.

- Hey, Lisa.

It's Jessie again.

Um, we're at the beach,

and...

Are we going to stay or...

Well, that explains it.

- What?

- That.

F*** me!

Not likely

in this town.

Now what?

Oh, great.

Hmm...

- Hello, Melissa.

- Hello, Darren.

Gee, Deputy,

what did I do wrong?

Well, for starters,

going 65 in a 40.

What are you gonna do?

- Arrest me?

- Missy?

What are you doing?

Shut up.

Oh, don't worry.

Deputy D*ckhead here

can't touch us.

Or at least not anymore.

Melissa, that

was a long time ago.

I thought we settled that.

Hello, everybody,

this is Ron Jeremy

and I'm calling all hot ladies

in the Space Coast area

- to Crazy Girls Unlimited...

- Oh!

- Is that where you're going? - Where?

Daytona, to strip for

the cameras.

Who I strip for and why

is none of your damn business.

So either give me a ticket

or let us get

the f*** out of here.

How many people do you got

staying at your dad's house?

- Excuse me?

- Aren't you missing someone?

Well, yeah, actually,

our friend-

How would you know how many

people I have with me?

- So you are missing someone?

- Sort of.

Our friend, Lisa, left the bar

last night with this fat kid

and she

hasn't come back yet.

I keep calling her phone, but now it's going

straight to voice-mail.

- Interesting.

- What?

She pulls this

sh*t all the time.

Last night when I was at

Wylee's, I thought that I-

Last night at Wylee's?

Are you spying

on me again?

Do restraining orders

mean nothing to you?

Look, I was just

trying to make sure-

I'm not sure what you're

trying to make sure of.

We're fine, Lisa's fine,

she'll come back.

- Don't worry about us.

- But- but-

I said everything

will be fine, Darren.

Can I go now?

Bye.

Uh, are you going to

explain that one?

Yeah, who was that?

A mistake.

Let's go, Beet, get in there.

I want that helmet so deep

up that twat,

you can see

their uterus.

Let's go, come on.

Dive in, Beet,

dive in, come on!

There you go.

You're the Jacques Cousteau

of p*ssy, let's go!

Craziest Girls Unlimited

go crazy!

Any girl that can

roll like a carpet,

ride like a Harley,

flip like

a cheese omelet

goes upstairs to Sal's

private quarters,

and you get

shot by Beetle Cam!

And you know that's a good

career move for any girl.

Dance your asses off!

Come on!

Whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa.

Are your tits

on this list?

Good, then make like

Michael and beat it.

You have a beautiful face.

You should see my ass.

Whoa.

Sorry, sweetheart,

no one's allowed upstairs.

Check it again,

meathead.

I'm on the A-list.

What's your name?

Destiny.

I'm here for my close-up.

Get them clothes off...

Sal, you there, over?

Yeah, it's Sal,

what's up?

Sal, I got a girl down here

named Destiny.

Oh, the one

with the little boy tits?

Tits like a little boy?

Yep, that'd be the one.

- Send her up.

- All right.

Tony?

Yeah, over here.

Yeah, make sure you

get these, uh, fish buckets.

Get the release for them.

- You got it.

- Beet, come on.

Come on, come on,

come on!

Ah-ha, way to go, Beet!

Let's get one of those

dumb twat's drunk tonight

- and get you some p*ssy.

- Oh, yes!

Tony, enough with the bullshit,

bring the meat holes in.

This other idiot here.

To the hot tub!

Ye You're dead. d.

Yeah, work on the ass.

Beet, you got bigger tits

than this one.

Keep moving please,

you're wasting-

Ugh, no comment.

Yeah, give yourself

a pap smear with that one.

Here you go, hide your

crack pipe in it, sweetheart.

Way to go.

Put that over your face,

make everyone happy.

- Dy-no-mite, there you go.

- Diamond rings!

Camera time!

Whoo!

Woo-hoo!

Very nice.

Check out this

piece of ass, baby.

Check out that

piece of parm.

Yeah.

It looked like somebody-

Look at that,

Beet, hit it.

Touch it, rub it.

Get Rub it down... man.

That a boy!

Let me get

a whiff of that.

Woo-wee!

Come on, get hot, baby.

Give me the lines,

give me the lines.

I love

Crazy Girls Unlimited.

I'm barely 18.

And you barely have

any tits.

You're lucky you got a job.

Beet, zoom in on that.

I'm just a freshman.

That's the only thing that's

fresh about you.

Come on, baby.

My dick's dying of cancer here,

looking at this garbage.

Come on!

Yeah.

Just a little bit more, come on,

let's see those piss flaps.

Come on, put them forward.

Come on,

baby, work it.

You got to get me hot,

you got to get me stiff.

Work it.

All right, cut.

Beet, put the camera down, that's enough of

this sh*t.

That a boy.

I said cut.

Here, take your T-shirt.

Go downstairs, suck a dick,

make yourself useful.

I thought that was part of

the deal anyway.

Shut up.

Hold on, there's

somebody at the door.

Hang out, Beet.

What's up?

I'm busy.

Jesus Christ!

What the f***?

I'll see you later,

sweetheart.

Beet, let's get

the hell out of here!

What, huh?

Save yourself, B!

Don't worry about me,

man, don't worry about him!

Jesus Christ, what the f***'s

going on in here?

Get behind me, man,

get behind!

So anything else

you want to do for me?

Yeah.

You and me later.

F***, f***, f***!

Please, Jesus...

What about

a little head?

God, stop, no!

F*** this!

You motherf***er!

See you later...

sh*t head!

Is that Lisa?

I don't know, Einstein.

I haven't

answered it yet.

Well, if it's her, could you please ask her

where our cell phones are?

I haven't updated

my status in, like, two days.

People are going to

think I'm dead.

Oh, hi, Daddy.

Just the person

I wanted to talk to.

Hello, pumpkin.

How's the house?

The house is fine.

How's Vegas?

It's just another

real-estate convention,

but it's going well.

So you girls

having fun?

Oh, did you

go to Wylee's?

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