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on that guy or not...

...we're done, right? We did our part.

You did your part.

Great!

Could you take off my handcuffs?

There's something I wanted to

ask you guys. Sort of a...

I don't know.

Sort of a proposition.

You see, my wife and l...

Irene, she's my wife.

We both work on Christmas, so we're

having Christmas dinner tonight.

And I was thinking...

...maybe you guys

want to eat dinner with us.

My wife is great. You'll love her.

Then I'll sign the paper.

How's that sound?

Well...

Hi. Sorry.

Phone?

Check my messages?

Here.

Sorry.

No. Stay for a sec.

Here, smell this.

What does that smell like?

CK One, right?

Right? But it's not.

- Really?

- Yeah.

I get this stuff

for half what that stuff costs.

It's nice.

It's very nice. Here, try.

It's down.

So is the liner.

It's really soft.

Get on.

Oh, no, no.

I gotta go help with dinner...

- Hear that?

- Hear what?

Exactly. Individually wrapped springs.

Top quality.

I could do aerobics

and you wouldn't feel it.

I bet I wouldn't.

So, Zack, would you say

you're open to new things?

Tell me something.

When you kiss those girls, you're not

really kissing them, are you?

Well, it's a stage kiss.

Your lips touch,

but there's no tongue.

So there's no feeling?

Nobody gets jealous?

It's not real. It's only acting.

See, now that...

There was a tongue there.

Honey?

Red or white?

Which goes with ham?

White.

Fabulous.

More wine?

He doesn't want any more.

Unless he does. Do you?

No, thank you. No, thank you.

Sure.

Look...

...Burke, this is...

This is really great.

This is wonderful. Thank you.

You're welcome.

I don't even know how to say this.

I'm sorry, but I think

we have to leave soon...

...because Adam's not feeling well.

I don't.

It's true.

Well, if you gotta go...

...then I understand.

But...

...well, Irene and I sort of...

...had an ulterior motive

for inviting you here.

He makes it sound sinister.

It's not.

No, I don't...

She's right. Okay.

You've looked around our place.

Where do you think we got

most of this stuff?

Just guess.

Come on.

Sears?

J.C. Penney?

It's actually from

Confederated Products.

Almost everything here

is from Confederated Products...

...from the toilet paper

to the candles to the ham.

- The wine.

- The wine, the wine.

Even that cologne you liked.

Confederated Products is a multilevel,

direct wholesaling company.

Which means we don't

just sell the products.

No sir-you-ree Bob!

We recruit and manage teams

that work under us.

Irene and I started eight months ago...

...and already, we're pulling in

$50,000 a year.

We're the number four distributor

in southern California.

You got that one, babe.

And by March,

we might be number three.

As law enforcement officers, we can't

recruit distributors from the force.

It's against the rules.

So what we do is...

...we look for people

in other industries...

Like the entertainment industry.

Wait. Wait.

You want us to sell Amway?

It's Confederated Products.

It's a...

It's a different company.

It's a different quality of product.

I have to do something terrifically

unwholesome after that.

I need to bathe in sin.

With me, or one

of your other boyfriends?

Okay, I have cheated on you

with exactly one guy.

Ditto.

Who?

No, I won't tell you because

you'll freak out and it'll be drama.

Bad, not funny, Roseanne kind of

drama. And I'm just not up for it.

- I'll tell you mine.

- No.

Why not?

You can't wait to tell me, can you?

You're gloating.

You think yours is better than mine.

No, I don't.

- It's Sean Connery, isn't it?

- Count of three.

- Fine.

- One...

- Wait, wait.

...two...

Okay, fine.

Count of three.

One, two, three.

- Jimmy...

- Jimmy in makeup.

Is Jimmy here?

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

I'll call you back.

Jimmy's not here right now.

He went to this thing.

I'll go get it.

You two do know, don't you?

We know.

I take no responsibility.

I was only an innocent bystander.

But there was this one time,

you guys...

...you missed each other by,

like, three minutes.

It was so exciting!

It's some sort of rave thing.

The thing about Jimmy,

the sex wasn't even that good.

And that ear thing?

I have Q-tips.

That's not necessary, thank you.

The one thing I will give him

credit for is the oral.

- The oral was good.

- What do you mean? He was terrible.

At one point, I had to stop him

and correct his bad technique.

I actually grabbed him by his ears

and retrained him from the throat up.

When was that?

I don't know. October, maybe?

Early October,

he suddenly got so much better.

Hi, cowboy.

Hi, a**hole.

Stop!

I think you wanna follow that guy out.

What?

Where'd you learn to drive?

Circleville?

I didn't pack a bag.

What the...?

Stop!

Go. Go.

What if she's...?

Go!

Let's think about this logically.

She's either alive or she's dead.

All right, if she's dead...

...there's nothing we can do.

And if she's alive,

that guy who had that gun...

...who looked like

he wanted to shoot her...

...he probably did shoot her.

So...

...even if she's alive, she's dead.

- Exactly.

Exactly.

The only witnesses

are you, me and him.

I don't think any of us will talk

about this anytime soon, so...

I really...

It really didn't go

as bad as it could've.

A girl is dead.

I didn't say it went perfectly.

What's up?

Holy sh*t!

They couldn't have been listening.

Hello?

They could've been recording it.

Everything we've said

would be on tape...

...and they'd know we did it.

What if we were, like,

running lines or something?

We could've been rehearsing.

They know we're actors.

Okay, there's a good chance

no one's found the girl yet.

They will.

If there's no body, there's no crime.

- Stop! Stop it!

- What?

- What?

- It's a Miata.

We'll put her in the passenger seat.

Where will I...?

You'll be in the passenger seat

holding her up.

All right.

Little help?

I can't.

What do you mean?

I can't do this. I can't do this.

- Listen.

- She's dead.

- Listen.

- She's dead.

- She's not dead!

- She's dead.

I hit her and killed her.

She's dead.

She's not dead. She's acting dead.

Listen, this is just a scene.

You're just acting scared.

I'm acting like I'm helping her.

It's a scene. Look at the lights.

We're acting. Look at the camera.

Watch it.

Watch your blocking.

Say hi to Molly in wardrobe.

- Hi, Molly.

- Say it. "Hi, Molly."

Hi, Molly.

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