Go West Page #5

Your julep, coming right up.

What? Before I drink it?

You know something?

My stomach, she feels cute.

A toast to where we girls was born:

South Carolina.

Mississippi.

Louisiana.

I feel another song coming on.

Never mind the song.

A toast to where we girls was born:

South Carolina.

Mississippi.

Louisiana.

Hold tight, toots.

I feel another song coming on.

I'm gonna sing you a song

that I wrote myself...

with the aid of Stephen Foster.

A toast to where we girls was born:

South Carolina.

Mississippi. Louisiana.

Let me off at Rhode Island.

- Have another, honey child.

- I'll take one more.

If you insist, I'll have eight more.

Come on, let's sing.

Mint juleps always make me sing.

No, let's just drink.

How about some more mint juice?

No, come on, let's sing. Come on!

To my father, Col. Rufus Quale.

To Sunday dinner on the old plantation.

Chicken okra, corn pone,

shortening bread...

pickled watermelon, and a stomach pump.

Gentlemen, the South.

Less whiskey next time.

My glass can't take it.

- Come on, put them up!

- Come on, girls.

- Sober them up.

- Come on, you two. Sober up.

Pull yourself up.

- I must be drunk.

- Come on, up you go.

Scarlett, sugar, I loves you.

Stand up on your feet, you weasels.

Come on, stand up.

Red, the safe's open. The deed's gone.

- That redhead must've taken it.

- Find him.

You say you're sorry and we'll let you go.

Shut up. Now turn around.

No, the other way.

No, the both of you!

Turn around and face the window!

Go on, now.

- I don't like your faces.

- I suppose you think we like them.

Drop that cannon. Put your hands up.

Drop that gun and get your hands up.

Drop gun. Put your hands up.

All right, Pete,

drop your gun and get your hands up.

I wouldn't have known where to come

if Eve hadn't left me an invitation.

All right, folks, you can break ranks now.

Not you.

Maybe Mr. Beecher

would like to return the deed.

- It's not here. It's been stolen.

- Sure, you stole it.

Good. Put it in your pocket.

We'll deliver the deed

to the railroad officials in New York...

just to save you the trouble.

All right, boys, outside. You, too, Eve.

Which way did the women go?

You know, Beecher, it takes a smart man

to know when he's licked.

Maybe between you two

there's enough brains to figure that out.

Come on!

Open up this door and let us out of here.

- Red, wait a minute.

- Wait a minute, nothing!

If they deliver that deed to the officials,

we're sunk.

The only way they can get back East

is on the train that leaves tomorrow.

I know.

If they miss that train, they'll

have to wait a week for the next one.

- Can you sell our land to the railroad?

- In a week, I can sell them anything.

We'll be on that train tomorrow,

but something tells me they'll miss it.

Come on, open up!

Do you think it's safe to stay here tonight?

These Indians are friendly

if you treat them right.

Wait here.

I don't know why we don't sleep

at a regular motel.

That's the silliest-looking object

I've ever seen.

Eve, you take the small tepee.

We'll share the other. Come on.

She gave him the Indian sign.

Are you the chief that runs

from Chicago to Los Angeles in 39 hours?

Now wait a minute.

See, you got the chief mad.

Let me talk to him.

- Can you talk Indian?

- I was born in Indianapolis.

He wants to know

if you want starch in your shirts.

Why don't you open the window?

Panello, this Indian's no Indian.

If he's no Indian,

why is he wearing a chicken for a hat?

He's half-Indian and half-ostrich.

Stop trying to pass yourself off

as a red man.

Why, you can't even speak the language.

Let me hear you recite Hiawatha

by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

That's not it.

If it is, they've shortened it

since I went to school.

And you call yourself a red man.

And you call yourself a white man.

Let's go.

What did he say?

He said first they'll give us a fair trial,

then they'll kill us.

White man talk too much.

Make chief heap mad.

White man red man's friend.

White man wanna make friends

with red brother.

And sister, too.

Are you insinuating that the white man

is not the Indian's friend?

Who swindled you

out of Manhattan Island for $24?

White man.

Who stood your wooden statue

in front of a cigar store?

Who put your head on a nickel

and then took the nickel away?

Slot machine.

Members of the tribe...

I rest my case.

How would you like a little necklace

that belonged to the Czarina of Russia?

No like. Me want Cadillac sedan.

She's been off the reservation.

Wait a minute.

I don't want a scalp treatment.

Look, just to prove we're your friends,

we give you this totem pole.

It's stimulating when two giant intellects

get together.

- Who's that?

- Him medicine man.

That's a medicine man?

Can you imagine taking

a teaspoonful of him every three hours?

Chief like paleface who no talk.

You paleface friend. Chief like you, too.

Red man, you're a white man.

Come on.

You get a canoe later, and I'll paddle you.

Let's go.

I tell you, there's nothing to worry about.

They ain't gonna get on that train,

not while my boys are on the job.

- You haven't seen them?

- No.

- Well?

- It's no use.

Baxter's men are everywhere.

I'll get on the train

if I have to shoot my way on.

They'll outshoot you 10-to-1.

If they reach New York first and sell

their land, the deed'll be worthless.

We could ride ahead

and get on at the next station.

That's right. We'll cut through the pass.

Come on.

I got an idea

we better get on that train, too.

- Get off of that train. You're fired.

- What is this?

You're both fired.

You got no driver's license.

- I'll get this guy!

- I'll take care of you.

Run him through!

Touch!

I hate train rides. Don't you, Red?

Not this one, baby.

There's $250,000 at the end of the line.

"Pressure valve. Piston rods.

"How to cool off a hotbox. "

Maybe that book is no good.

Of course it's good.

It's an engineer's manual.

But suppose the engineer's name

ain't Manuel?

Then he's gotta change his name.

He can't make a fool out of this book.

Here we are:
"How to start an engine. "

Slowly pull the throttle.

They need better engineers on this road.

When they pay for our land,

they won't have money left for engineers.

Attaboy, Rusty!

Rusty steers good.

The train is still on the track.

We must be coming to the station.

Yeah, I just remembered.

We gotta stop the train for the kids.

How're you gonna stop it?

It doesn't say in here.

Maybe it's in the next issue.

Wait a minute, I'll find out.

Hey, brother, how do you stop this thing?

The brake! Get me out of this!

You know,

this is the best gag in the picture.

The brake!

He said something about the brake.

The brake!

Attaboy, Rusty. You break the brake.

Come on, honey. We made it.

How do we stop?

Try dragging your feet.

Come on. We stop the train. Follow us.

No, let's borrow this.

They're following us.

I don't understand.

We're supposed to stop.

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