Go West Young Man Page #3

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letter. Have my bags packed right away.

Uh, and remind me to call the Penn

Harris Hotel at 8:00. Yes, sir.

You going away, Francis? I've got a little

business in Harrisburg that I have to take care of.

More marriages.

Huh. It's not a bad idea at that.

If you're not fired when we get back

to Hollywood, my name ain't Mavis Arden.

Well, think you can find out what's wrong

with this silver-plated perambulator?

If I did, I couldn't fix it. She's got the

toolbox full of hair wash and cold cream.

Careful, my lad. Surely you don't

expect the ''talk of the talkies''...

to ride around the country

in a common domestic model.

What would her public say? Then they

should've imported an interpreter for the car.

It's intolerable, simply intolerable!

This is a fine state of affairs.

A.K. shall hear of this,

I promise you.

He pays you all exorbitant salaries

for the sole purpose of protecting me...

against these petty annoyances,

and this is the result!

I pay $20,000 for a car, have it

made to order, upholstered to order,

design the color scheme myself,

and now it won't go.

- What's the matter with this screwy thing?

- I don't know. He don't know.

Don't know? But you must

know! I pay you to know!

I never heard of anything so-

Intolerable.

Intolera

- Don't interrupt me! What are you gonna do? Just stand idly by?

I'm not standing idly by. I'm

looking for a place to telephone.

Telephone! If you ask me,

you framed this thing yourself.

But, Mr. Morgan-

You stay with the car.

'And the state...

should make it possible...

for them to marry. ''

Period.

''[t should-

E- N-D-O-W...

matrimony''-

Whew.

''Give every unmarried girl...

over 25...

a D-O-W-R-Y.''

Mr. Clyde,

now, what is D-O-W-R-Y?

It means if you marry a girl over 25

years of age, she would get so much money.

She? Don't I count?

You're a man.

That ain't my fault.

Sounds to me like

a play for publicity.

Didn't she do that

in another picture?

I could near swear I'd seen her

in that same thing before.

She was a South Sea native

or somethin'.

Oh, no, Miss Kate, she never

played anything like this before.

Well, all right.

Then what happened?

And then she's on a yacht with a rich

banker. I don't know how she met him.

You know how they cut

pictures these days.

But, anyhow, he keeps

pestering her, so she stabs him.

Impulsive, I'd call her. Oh,

it was wonderful, Miss Kate.

Then when Miss Arden made

her personal appearance-

My goodness me! I thought

my heart was just gonna stop.

Movieland magazine gave her first

place last month in the ''It'' contest.

It! Thank goodness I was born

before the days of movies and ''It.''

Well, didn't they

even have ''It'' then?

They had ''It'' all right, but they

didn't photograph it and put it to music.

Oh.

My eggs! I want my eggs. You understand?

Oh, Professor Rigby, I'm so sorry

- Bah!

Oh, go stuff yourself a duck,

ya old fussbudget.

They're looking at me!

What did you say, sir?

They're looking at me. I ordered them

turned over. You heard what I said.

Mrs. Struthers! Mrs. Struthers! Oh, oh!

Mrs. Struthers.!

Why, I'm so sorry, Herbert.

I'm the oldest boarder here, and

they're taking advantage of the fact.

What's the trouble,

Herbert? That's the trouble!

They're staring at me.!

Oh, now, Gladys, you know that Mr. Rigby doesn't

- I'll have them fixed right away.

If she went to bed nights instead of running

around with that muscle-bound Clyde Pelton-

What's stirrin'?

Nothing.

Well, quit bawlin' then. Professor Rigby

is talking to Mrs. Struthers about me.

Let him talk.

Gladys!

Now, see here, Addie.

Keep your place, please.

I can't have a star boarder

like Mr. Rigby upset...

because one of my employees wants to waste

her time talking about a mere movie star.

Mere? Why, the papers are full of

- And who cares?

See here, Gladys. I will not

tolerate delays of my boarders...

just because you want to stand

around talking about a public figure.

Public figure?

Nobody's public that wants babies.

Katherine!

Aw, shucks!

She just got through tellin' me

things I never knew myself.

Go on. Get him some coffee

before he yells himself hoarse.

Nothing seems to matter to you. Your home, your social standing, your pride

- nothing!

What pride? What social position?

We're runnin' a boardinghouse, ain't we?

I think that's

very unfair, Katherine.

It's an economic

condition, solely.

Why, do you think that for

one moment, if I had any money,

I'd allow Bud Norton to have that

disgraceful gasoline station...

in front of a home that once entertained

the leading socialites of Pennsylvania?

Oh, you and your

moss-bound ideas.

Aunt Kate! You mustn't

talk to Mother like that.

Oh, it's all right, my dear.

Nobody cares about me.

What I think or what I do.

But it's all right.

I leave you two alone for a minute,

and bang, you're at it again.

If it wasn't for Bud helping

us out with his filling station,

it would be pretty hard

going for us, I can tell you.

Oh, I don't know.

You don't know?

Then what're you

hanging around him for?

You goose!

Why do you suppose?

We'll be able to send for the car right

away, sir. We just fixed the truck.

It's working swell now.

Good!

Now may I use

your telephone?

Sorry, sir.

It's out of order.

How far is it to

Harrisburg? Ninety miles.

Isn't that just dandy?

No phone, 90 miles, and I've got a

personal appearance with Miss Arden at 8:00.

You mean- Is Miss Arden in

that broken-down car? I hope.

You mean Miss Mavis Arden,

the great movie star?

I wouldn't be surprised. Oh,

boy! Nicodemus! Nicodemus!

Nicodemus, come on!

Come on, Nicodemus!

It was kinda loud,

wasn't it?

That is Carl Hudnut's Orchestra.

I was just trying to pick up the oboes-

I know 'em.

They're all oboes.

Yeah,Jack Benny had that joke

Sunday night.

- Somethin' I can do for you?

- Are you the proprietress?

No.Just Aunt Kate. Addie!

Addie!

Coming, Katherine.

Can we stay here while

our car is being fixed?

There's a lot to be said for the

old horse and buggy yet, ain't there?

You said it. May I?

If it's a good cigar, you may.

Folks around here

smoke whip handles.

Addie, this gentleman wants to know if his

party can stay here till he gets his car fixed.

Why, yes. Yes, of course. I

have Miss Arden, the movie star-

Mavis Arden?

I'm sorry.

Gladys!

There's another hotel down the road

about a mile. Oh, nonsense, Katherine.

Mavis Arden,

the movie star, in person.

I'm positively thrilled.

I've just the room for her.

With the loveliest petunias

growing outside the window.

And a beautiful hand-carved bed

brought from England by my grandfather.

You see, I'm really not a boardinghouse

mistress. An economic condition.

Well, I'll- I'll just

get the room ready.

Come, come, Gladys.

Are you Mr. Arden? No,

no. My name's Morgan.

Morgan? Not by any chance

- No chance whatsoever.

J.P. and I come from

two distinct families.

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