Goal of the Dead Page #2

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cooking up trouble?

It's the Coyotes, boss.

And I just told

you, it's Captain.

I can see you're prepared.

It'll end as bad as

that Amiens match.

No way, we love the Parisians.

We even hang out wit one.

Michael's pure Parisian.

I'm not Parisian!

You were born there.

Captain, please don't

start with that.

Popeye to Teddy,

we're counting on you

to kick things off!

Turn that off! I told

those things are banned.

And what's that there?

No, those are my flares.

For personal use.

- Lower the window.

- No, I can't.

You lot asked for this!

Stadium ban!

Anything but that! We'll

do whatever you want.

It's the best day of our lives!

Well, use it to reflect

on your existence.

I'm getting sick of soccer.

A bunch of idiots watching

more idiots chasing a ball.

They shout and fight,

dont respect anything.

If it was up to me, I'd ban it.

We've got our tickets

so we're going.

I'll see security

doesn't let you in.

That's not fair.

What's that? I say what's

fair and what's not.

- Who's the law round here?

- You.

I can't hear you. Who's the law?

You're the law.

Right, I am the law.

Now get lost!

A**hole!

Bunch of little shits.

I'll get you.

TELEPHONE RELAY 12km

from the city centre

There are 2 ways. At home,

I cook it in a pot.

It's better in oven,

there's less juice.

Do you put cream in it?

Never.

- Beer?

- Yeah, beer.

Sh*t!

I'm really sorry. You OK?

Yes, I'm fine.

So then,

Sam Lorit, going back home

seems like a moment

to take stock.

That's going a bit far. I've

still got some miles left in me.

What will it feel like to be

back on the Caplongue pitch?

Well, it's...

How to put it?

- Moving, right?

- Yeah.

That's it.

Exactly, very moving.

Memories flooding back.

Your parents must

be proud of you.

My Mum ran off when I was

a kid, and my dad...

He's gone.

Gone where?

You know, gone. So to speak.

Oh, right, he's dead.

Yeah.

Do you think you'll

move back to Caplongue

after so long away?

Of course, I'm seriously

thinking of moving back.

With my old friends, we could open a

restaurant and train the local kids.

- Really?

- Sure.

I'm just like anyone else,

I want a quiet life,

to raise my kids, and be

involved in my home town.

I think my fame could

really help the place.

BAR IN CAPLONGUE

TOILETS IN BAR IN CAPLONGUE

Well? Does it look real?

Yeah.

All the player's

wives have got them.

I hadn't noticed.

If my Mum saw it, she'd kill me.

- You gonna sulk all night?

- I'm not sulking.

There's a coach-load

of hot guys coming!

And you've got that

crush on Lorit.

It's not a crush.

Idon't give a sh*t!

Really, you could

make an effort.

- Think Idriss will notice me?

- You're hard to miss.

He's got such a great

body and face.

He's young yet old. There's

only 5 years between us.

Imagine if he kissed me,

or we made love.

Footballer's wife is not a life.

They're bored all day while

their guys play ball.

They don't work.

They get cheated on, they

must all be alcoholics.

It's great.

What if we can't get near them?

Why are you such a downer?

Lighten up, have some fun!

With a Mum like yours,

it's weird you're so...

Or rather so not... You know.

Where is she, anyway?

In Thailand with her new guy.

Cool!

Remember when we used

to dress the same?

Excuse me for being feminime.

Right.

Who's this lot?

What a bunch of freaks!

Damn, I haven't been vaccinated.

You're such a jerk.

Caplongue! caplongue!

Jump if you're from Caplongue!

Jump if you're from Caplongue!

Sell out!

Sell out! Get lost!

Go home Lorit sell out!

Go home!

How are you, buddy?

We're going to destroy you. We'll

make you weep, out your ass.

You talking to me?

- An autograph?

- No, get lost.

I like you.

Idriss!

Sam, hey!

If you'd said, we'd have

gone in the back door.

I don't know what's

got into them.

You stop here, I'm afraid.

No cameras while we're talking.

Clear?

But I just have a

question for Sam.

What for? To upset

him even more?

Hey, kiddo. It's a guy thing.

Smiles don't work.

It takes balls.

Well, Fred, kiddo,

that's not gonna happen.

Ok, so what do we do?

We'll profile the

locals to keep busy.

I was here 17 years ago

for the game against Paris.

The French cup.

We were a whisker

away from winning.

It was right down to the wire.

Of course, we lost our striker.

Yes, Sam Lorit.

It was something.

He went to Paris, so obviously,

we were left with a bad

taste in our mouths

because he lost us that

match, he really did.

He used to hit me, right there.

More than once.

He chased me too,

but I liked him.

- You knew him well.

- I did, but that was in high school.

- It leaves a mark.

- It does.

This is what Lorit's gonna get!

Take that!

Bitter, yeah, you

could say that.

He was very fit, even then.

He f***ed everyone, anyway.

- Very athletic.

- Don't lay it on too thick.

- I'm talking sport with the lady.

- I think she gets it.

Come on, Caplongue!

Who's your best player

since Lorit left?

Jeannot, he's a hard man.

He's a man of his word.

Jeannot's worth 10

Lorits, 100 even.

He's a real man.

Lorit!

- Excuse me, sir.

- Not now.

- Are you supporting Caplongue tonight?

- He hasn't got time!

Just a question about Sam Lorit.

Go bother someone else.

That'll do, cut.

Wow, they really hate Lorit.

It's a good story.

Seems the guy deflowered all

the girls before leaving.

And all the dads, brothers

and husbands are after him.

That's your story.

Fascinating.

What do we do?

Come on.

Tonight at Lagrippe

Stadium, come and support

your favourite team, Caplongue.

Lorit! Nice welcoming committee!

How come they love you so much?

- Can't you leave me alone?

- I like you too much.

OK, guys, let's focus.

There's no such thing

as a minor game.

This is huge for them.

So no cruising out

there, I want action!

Listen to the instructions

and concentrate.

How can I help the team?

What can I do? Who's with me?

That's what soccer's all about!

Simple as that.

Tonight, let's hear the

Lagrippe faithful. Hip, hip!

Hooray!

I'm so exited!

- You OK?

- Fine.

OK, Joao,

solid.

Xavier, up front,

feed your partner.

Souleiman, you're to soft.

Asem, same as last time,

only better!

You Parks, move up quick

and support the wingers.

Weren't there three of them?

Sh*t! We lost one.

We'll have to do without.

Guys, let's do it right.

We've still got a few games

to end on a good note.

I know it's the transfer season,

and some of you have got

your minds elsewhere.

If only you knew!

Alright, ladies? How's it going?

Nice tights.

What do you want?

Nice to see you, too.

I thought I'd visit the

provinces, see how it's going,

see why you struggle so much.

Just kidding.

How are the joints?

I love old guy.

I've got some big news

that I'd like to tell

the guy concerned.

See this pretty face? It's

worth 35 million euros!

- You spoke to London?

- I sure did.

You're London's new striker.

Guys, I told you so!

London, guys, I knew it!

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