Goats Page #2

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Todd told me she is a prostitute.

She'll do juniors and seniors

for, like, 50 bucks.

Your brother's full of sh*t.

At least he's not a drug addict

who hangs out with goats all day.

Pot's not addictive.

Todd writes me and sends me letters.

Mr. Goat hasn't sent you sh*t.

His name's Goat Man, a**hole.

Whitman. Come here.

I thought we weren't supposed

to talk to each other out here.

Only if you're going to go jerk off.

Rosenberg's from Maui.

He's one of three Jews on the island.

He can't seem to get better than a C

in any of his classes,

but he's smart enough

to get his weed through airport security.

Man, I knew you were a stoner.

- How?

- I saw your High Times calendar

and Barney said you smoke up

with your gardener.

He's not my gardener. He's...

Mr. Rosenberg.

Mr. Cannel's roommate.

Enjoying a little cannabis, I see and smell.

Just me, sir. Rosenberg didn't have any.

He was actually trying to convince me to...

I'll deal with you later.

I need a moment alone

to talk to the tall one.

Keep it moving.

Well.

Looks like you'll be enjoying

cross-country after all.

We practice at 3:00 tomorrow.

Pick it up, fellas. Pick it up!

I have bowels that run faster than you,

let's move!

Come on, Quadzilla, pick it up.

I can't.

You can't or you won't?

You weren't joking.

You really are out of shape, huh?

I have blisters.

Did those blisters stop you

from hiking into the woods

to smoke weed with Rosenberg?

Move it, move it, move it!

Five more hills, let's go!

Hounds misses Sharky.

Let go.

Her teeth!

Here comes Mrs. Sharky!

Let go!

That one scares me a little bit.

Who are you?

I'm Bennet, Wendy's lover.

Boy, oh, boy.

Oh, yeah.

Must be nice, Javier, living here.

Rent-free, just cleaning the pool.

Taking care of the landscaping. No worries.

It is nice.

That's your name, isn't it? Javier?

Sure.

That's so funny,

you don't look like a Javier.

Right, Wendy told me

about your goat treks.

Where do you go?

- I wander.

- Where?

I can't be specific.

Why not?

It's my job.

Hmm.

What do you do?

Uh...

I'm an artist.

Do you get high?

Oh!

I've moved beyond that.

Sadness.

Hey! Quit it, Lance!

It's about time.

What's up?

I got a package to mail.

Hey, is this enough stamps?

If this is what I think it is,

you might as well

just go check yourself

into prison right now.

Once I handed it to you,

I was home free.

Not even close.

How's Ellis out there, anyway?

I haven't heard from him yet,

but I'm sure he's okay.

What about all my stamps?

Peel them off.

Hey, you wanna get high?

I can't today.

Hey, leave it.

All right, come on, goats.

Sh*t!

I don't know why you're surprised.

All stoners are unreliable.

He's not going to send you anything.

Shut the hell up.

It just doesn't make any sense.

I haven't seen him in years,

and he thinks I'm just gonna

show up on his doorstep?

Well, at least your

dad sends you letters.

Mine's not allowed to.

Look, I'll be down there in DC

for Thanksgiving, too.

We can hang out and

party in Georgetown.

What are you going to do?

Sit around here and wait for pot

in the mail that probably won't come?

Don't stay here.

It's not gonna be any fun.

You're gonna do nothing.

And you're just gonna get depressed,

all right?

Come to DC with me.

What about her?

Go ahead and ask her.

We both will.

Excuse me, ma'am?

Please don't call me ma'am.

I'm barely 31.

May we ask you a favor?

Let me guess, you go to Gates,

and you want me to buy you beer

or cigarettes or porno.

Just Budweiser.

A six pack of Budweiser.

Bottles or cans?

- Cans.

- Bottles.

Bottles.

Then she made me and Todd

watch a slide show on her laptop

of my dad kissing another man

on Poodle Beach in Rehoboth.

"There's your father, boys.

"There's your father and his boyfriend,

in love. "

Then she came over and made Todd say,

"My dad's a f*ggot. "

I wouldn't say it,

so she tried to move my jaw

and that's when she burnt me

with her cigarette.

By mistake.

- My mailman's gay.

- My dad's not gay.

That was just a phase.

He lives with some woman in Houston now.

I'm not allowed to see him.

I don't know if my dad's

in New York or DC.

- He's always with some new slut...

- I gotta pee.

Sh*t.

F***er Frank.

Runners, come on, let's go.

Knees up!

Hello?

Who's this?

Let me talk to Wendy.

Tell me who this is.

Hello?

Is this 520-887-4311?

Who is this?

Put Goat Man on.

Tell me who this is.

My mom has a new a**hole boyfriend.

She'll have a meltdown

if I go to Frank's.

So you'll stay here and eat

depressing meals with the teachers

and their grubby families?

Come to DC.

That one question where

you're supposed to find out

how many grandchildren

does Mrs. Smith have,

I kept getting negative six.

Yeah, Mrs. Smith and her grandchildren

can suck my dick.

Some dick got a 96

and messed up the curve.

Ellis and I studied our asses off all night,

and I only got a 73.

What'd you get, Ellis?

- Ninety-six.

- Douche.

Hey, here's my girl.

I see her here every Tuesday

and Thursday at this time.

Yeah, after she's done servicing

the juniors and seniors.

- You're an a**hole, Barney.

- Shut the hell up.

Hi, Ellis.

Hey.

Ellis, how does

she know your name?

This is the doll.

She's brand new today, ladies.

We've done a version of Sasha before.

But this is a new configuration.

So it's the only day that...

Hello? Who is this?

Tell Wendy that I'm spending

Thanksgiving with F***er Frank

and his girlfriend in Washington.

If she doesn't want me to,

she knows how to contact me.

And remind her that the Volvo

is supposed to be serviced this month.

So, this is Ellis?

Just tell her.

Oh, boy!

Mmm-hmm.

Ellis! Your mom just called.

She wants you to go to Tucson

for Thanksgiving, and not to go to DC.

So she calls now?

She sounded really stoned!

Come on. Let's go.

Oh, sh*t!

Could you come over here

and clean this, Javier?

I'll switch chairs.

Excuse me?

You just got to pick up the shards

and spray the juice with the hose

before it gets sticky.

- You broke the glass, not me.

- Yes?

Get up off your ass and clean it.

I'm busy with this bush.

Well, it's your job, not mine.

Hey, buddy, f*** you.

What did you say to me?

You're free-balling, man.

What?

One of your nuts wants out.

There you go.

I think that you and me and Wendy

need to have a talk

about your place around here.

You mean the pool house?

- Oh! Who's awake!

- Me! Me! Yeah, I needed to sleep!

Yeah.

I've been so worried.

You know, Ellis never called.

The pool looks really nice, Javier.

It's so blue.

Aren't you the chick

that threw the rock at Ellis?

Yeah. So what?

- Besides, Ellis was spying.

- Come on.

I need to feel like a mom again.

It's been so long since Ellis left.

I'm going to take Aubrey to the mall.

I'll pick you up some of those

boxer shorts you like.

Mmm. What about me?

We'll get you a new swimsuit.

That is so sick!

And Bennet, clean up that juice mess

before the ants come.

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