Good Luck Chuck Page #5

Are you trying to unhook my bra?

No. No.

I wouldn't do that. No.

Why not?

Am I not your type?

You are definitely my type.

What's your type?

Black and blue,

riddled with bandages.

And braless.

Yeah. Definitely braless.

Your move.

That's it?

Socks are next.

Slow down.

Wuss.

You really want to do this?

I mean, you really want

to take us further?

This is not happening.

I got to get it.

It's- It's my emergency line.

No. No.

I got to get it.

I'll be back.

I'll be fast.

Dr. Logan speaking.

Dude!

Is this an emergency?

You're going to want

to hear this, man.

Well, I am rather busy

right now.

Good night!

Whoa, whoa, wait.

Did you bone her yet?

Look, unless

this is an emergency,

call my office

in the morning.

Fine. You want

to lose her forever,

you hang up the phone

right now.

This is going to be

the best night of your life.

Are you still there?

Chuck. Are you there?

What are you

talking about?

Dude, it's that charm thing.

It turns out it's real!

No. That's not true

because you told me yourself-

Uh-uh, but now I believe.

I started

calling all your exes.

They're married.

Not just some. All.

A to Z on your Palm Pilot, man.

Susan Agrezzi

to Jeannie Zeigert.

Every single one

you closed the deal with.

And did you see this month's

high school newsletter?

Sarah McDowell.

What, the girl

I lost my virginity to?

Did you see who she

wound up marrying?

Tony Lamberto, that douche bag

she dumped you for!

You know what this means,

don't you?

You shake the sheets with Cam,

she's going to marry

the next guy she dates.

This- This-

I hate you.

I really hate you!

I got to go.

I got to go.

A dental emergency.

Freak accident.

Children, they thought

it was gumballs.

Ball bearings,

and it just f***ed up

their sh*t.

You look great.

I had a good time.

I got to go.

I got to go!

I can't believe you're

really considering doing this.

If you believe it

and everyone else believes it,

what else can I do?

Anything but this.

I got to be sure.

I've got to put the curse to the test.

Where is she?

She's beached over there

by the giant garbage bag

full of doughnut holes.

Eleanor Skepple.

She's angry, rude,

and she smells bad.

In addition to back acne,

she's got front acne

and side acne.

You see that glass of water there?

She keeps her teeth

in that glass.

So you're saying

that she's single.

She's your best bet, man.

You sink the soldier all you want.

This chick ain't never

getting married.

If she was the last woman

on the face of the earth,

humanity would come

to a screeching halt.

Hey, a**hole,

got my peanut butter?

No. My name's Charlie.

I'm sorry.

I was just wondering

if, um- if I could

take you out tonight.

How does that-

How does that sound?

You want me to elaborate?

No. I get your drift.

I'm sorry to have bothered you.

Pay you a hundred dollars

to go out with me tonight.

$200.

Make me happy.

So a thousand dollars,

and all you have to do

is take me to dinner?

Well, actually, I thought

that maybe we could,

you know, we-

you and I could, uh-

get physical.

All right.

I'm gonna f*** you

till you die!

And now we wait.

Oh, Coco,

I know how you feel.

We just put ourselves

out there,

and what happened?

I'm left hanging.

Huh, girl?

Has he called yet?

No, Joe, he hasn't.

Thanks for asking.

I really appreciate it.

God, I feel so stupid.

Why did I act like that?

Why hasn't he called?

All this waiting

is driving me crazy.

You know, there's always

some madness in love.

But there's also always

some reason in madness.

Nietzsche.

Been using the pages

of this philosophy book

for rolling paper.

It's like I'm smoking

their thoughts.

It's him.

Well, get it.

I'm gonna let it ring.

I'll screen it.

Sorry I haven't called,

but I've been really sick.

I can't even get out of bed.

Do you think maybe we could

just talk on the phone

or on the computer?

I'd really, really like that.

Call me.

I can't pretend

to be sick forever.

Come on, man.

You're my hero.

- I don't know.

- Yeah, you gotta do this for me.

You got this, my brother.

You're a crazy train.

You're the man

in the mirror.

You're a force of nature.

Hurricane Stu.

I can't do it.

You have to do it.

No one's asked her out yet.

Yeah, right. So I go out

with Eleanor Skepple

to test your curse,

and what happens next?

I'm walking down the aisle

with Shamu!

I don't think so.

Do you see what I'm doing here?

The friend card, man?

Yeah.

That's mean.

You leave me no choice.

Give me that,

you son of a b*tch.

If I marry her, Chuck,

we're going to hunt you down

and eat you.

Yeah, Stu.

I can't believe

you're still sick.

How long has it been?

Two weeks. It's, uh...

it's killing me,

but, you know,

I don't

want to infect you.

At this point,

I wouldn't mind.

You know, I feel

like a kid again.

I haven't talked

on the phone this much

since I was in high school.

That reminds me.

Would you go to the prom with me?

I love your voice.

The crazy things is,

I can't picture you anymore.

Okay, here's the update:

I am now 4' 3",

I weigh 235 pounds,

and I've got a cleft eye.

Can I ask you something?

Yeah.

Are you not into girls?

No.

No.

Are you... seriously, are you there?

Yeah.

I'm not... not into girls.

You should have seen

my room growing up.

It was full of posters of... of girls!

There was no guys.

It was girls!

Well, are you avoiding

actually seeing me?

No, Cam. I'm dying to see you.

It's killing me.

Then come over.

Right now. Wash my back.

Come on.

I'll wear a mask.

You could wear a mask.

We'll play doctor.

Ooh, boy. I want to,

but with the-

No buts.

I need to see you.

I need to see if that

birthmark you have

really looks like Alfred Hitchcock.

Now, wait. No. That-

That is a restricted area, okay?

Not everybody gets a peek

at the Master of Suspense,

if you know

what I'm saying.

If I can't see you,

we should take

our phone relationship

to the next level.

What do you mean?

Oh, yeah.

That feels good.

I like that.

Do you like that?

Like what?

That's my phone sex voice.

Come on, Charlie,

work with me here.

I want to. I just don't

think that we should do that.

I mean, nothing to do with-

Does your phone

receive pictures?

Yeah, why?

Sending.

Sending?

What are you sending to me?

F***!

- I got it.

- Got it?

I'm done for the night.

Thank you.

Oh, God.

Hold on one second.

Stu, what's up?

The deed is done.

I went out

with Eleanor Skepple.

I'm not proposing to her,

so you're in the clear.

Are you there?

Chuck?

I feel better.

Camcorder in the bedroom, huh?

Kinky.

So, for the, uh, camera,

do I have to sign a waiver

or something, you know,

for internet purposes?

You really want

to talk right now?

Whoa, those are nice.

Oh, God bless you.

You pushed me.

Sorry.

It's been a while.

I can see I'm going

to have to wear protection.

Stop staring at me.

You're creeping me out.

...no matter what your size.

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