Goon: Last of the Enforcers Page #4

- (reporter):
Care to confirm or

deny the rumours of your captaincy?

(inaudible whispering)

- It's my team now.

- (reporter):
Xavier Laflamme

declined to comment.

- Ah! (gasping)

(indistinct yoga TV program) Oh!

- What's the bag for?

- These are just documents. It's

a huge bag full of documents.

I'm going to an insurance festival.

- Huh?

- I better go, Eva. It's real late. Bye.

- (TV):
You then inhale...

- The f***?

(indistinct chatter)

(boat horn)

(distant barking)

- Hello, sir.

- Holy sh*t on Mary's tits.

F*** are you doing here?

- Came here to see you.

Got injured. Right arm.

- Yeah, I saw that. Hard lad,

this Anders Cain.

So what are you doing with the hockey bag?

- I wanna be a Highlander again.

- Oh, Jesus, kid. (distant siren blaring)

- Will you train me?

- Train you to what?

- Teach me to fight with my left.

(chuckling) Teach me to skate better.

- What the f*** do I know

about skating, Doug? You

see what I do in there.

- We can train another time if

you're not able to right now.

There's a restaurant

nearby that sells hotdogs.

We could just eat those instead.

- Hotdogs? - Yeah.

- It's like a sausage sandwich...

- I know what a f***ing hotdog is.

- Looks like a penis.

- Jesus Christ.

Alright. Twenty minutes.

We go in there, get it out of our

system, and you go right home, eh?

- Thank you, sir.

- Ah, Goddammit! Not again.

They better not. F*** this!

AH, SH*T!

Left my f***ing bus pass in there.

I NEED MY F***ING BUS PASS!

- What time is it?

- 11:
37. Wait.

11:
38.

- Did you just get home?

- Yeah. The insurance carnival's long.

I was meeting all these

people who do insurance.

It's really safe.

It's a real thing.

- It doesn't sound like a real thing.

- Uh... (sniffing)

- Mmm, you smell like hotdogs.

- Thank you.

(rock music) (loud ticking)

(Gong!)

- Ugh! Oh!

- (Ross):
That's it, rotate.

Rotate. Alright, now, do that left across.

- Sometimes, when your

hopes have all been shattered

There's nowhere to turn

You wonder how you'll keep going

- (McCauley):
Halifax Highlanders

and the Hamilton Steelers.

Now Laflamme is rammed on the

corner. He's run into and decked!

- Sorry. Looks like I...

- Tagged ya! Tagged ya again.

- Sorry, bud.

- Stop f***ing saying sorry. I'm kicking your ass, boy!

- (McCauley):
Now Depere digs

the puck out of the corner,

moves in on the back... He scores!

- Whatever, man, I could have

stopped that with your dick.

- (McCauley):
And it is a 3

- nothing lead for Hamilton over Halifax.

(Doug coughing)

- Uppercut.

- Dare, dare to keep

all your dreams alive

(sighing) It's time to take

A stand

- (McCauley):
The newest

Highlander, Anders Cain, scores!

Quite an individual

effort by Anders Cain!

- Ah, ah. Keep it down,

Dougie. For f*** sake,

how many times do I have

to tell ya? Just the left.

(fast-paced music)

Put some heat on it, boy.

There you go! That's

the one I'm looking for.

- (McCauley):
Here's

Anders Cain! He scores!

Anders Cain and... Uh-oh!

Just like that, down goes Davinski.

- Oh, Christ!

- (McCauley):
And he'll head straight

to the penalty box.

- F*** YOU!

- (McCauley):
And now,

the Moncton Lords score!

- F***!

- Sh*t game, man.

- (Duffy):
Well past the

midpoint of the season, Cain

and the Highlanders continue

to be their own worst enemies

as they remain on

the playoff bubble.

(exhaling forcefully)

- Dare

- Yeah!

You're working your ass off, kid.

There's a ceiling on your skating,

and that left hand's never

gonna be as strong as your right,

but trust me, it will f*** somebody up.

Listen, Dougie, there's

something you might wanna know.

Sh*t show's moving.

Next Bruised and Battered is

gonna be at the Metro Centre.

You wanna be a Highlander?

That's your ticket.

There's your audition, boy.

Hyrum's gonna be watching.

You could show him

and everyone else you're

still f***ing here.

What do you say?

- (Duffy):
And while they

keep finding ways to win,

the Highlanders keep

finding ways to lose too.

Many are blaming the hot and

cold play of Anders Cain,

who sits 31st in scoring,

but leads the League

in penalty minutes.

- We've dropped eight

of the last ten. We take

penalties the way other teams change lines.

- I'm trying.

- What do I say?

- Don't f***ing try; f***ing win.

- Wake 'em the f*** up.

Alright?

- "Wake 'em the f*** up." Yes, sir.

- Good.

Lead these guys.

- That tie is too short, Chad.

- Or I know exactly what

the f*** I'm doing, James.

SportsDesk:
we

know exactly what the f***

we're doing... James.

- Oh, my gosh! Thank God, it feels

so good to be out of the house.

And I am so excited about this

restaurant. Me and the baby

are gonna eat the sh*t

out of some pad Thai.

Oh, why have we taken

the long way? It's not...

(man laughing) Doug, do you wanna

go in and say a quick hello?

- Well, I'll be honest.

I already ate and I'm already drunk,

so the bar seems to make sense.

- For f*** sake! Man, feels like

it was f***ing yesterday that I was...

working here, bartender,

boyfriend who played hockey.

- Yep.

- Now, I'm pregnant and married

to a guy who says we're a

team, but he's always gone,

and for some reason, he

feels he has to hide the fact

that he eats hot dogs.

What the f*** happened?!

Are we these people now?

This is... this is who we are?

- Oh yeah, that's us. You and me, baby.

(indistinct pop song playing)

- No. Me and... Me and Doug.

- Ohhh, I gotta take a piss.

- OK.

- Still got my jacket on. Hahaha!

- Ha!

- Get me another beer. - Yup.

- So, Dougie, how's that new job going?

- Oh, it... it's, oh, fun.

Yeah. There's...

there's all these documents, you know?

I get to bring a thermos to work,

which keeps my food hot and cold.

Sometimes, I put hamburgers in there.

It's up to me.

- The way we're playing, we're

all gonna need a new job soon.

- Uh, I suppose I could go back

to Pentecostal summer camp

with my cousin's boyfriend.

- I'm gonna have to move back with Mom.

But don't get me wrong, I love her to bits,

but that bed pan fills up f***ing fast.

- I don't want to work at my uncle's eel farm.

- Hm-mm.

- I don't know how to do anything else.

(indistinct chatter)

(sigh)

- Ah, you know, it's just a slump, boys.

She'll pass.

Come on, get 'em in ya!

- Mmm.

- All the drinks in this

country taste like piss.

- Taste like a Kazakh sh*t in my mouth.

(slurping)

- Oh, that tastes like burps.

(soft music)

- Welcome home, kid.

- Thanks.

- Big night, eh? Everybody watching.

Don't worry, you'll be

fine. What poor bastard

they got you matched up with tonight?

- Didn't they tell you?

The format's been changed.

- Changed to what?

- (announcer):
Ladies

and gentlemen, the Bruised

and Battered Competition

is proud to bring you

tonight's special event.

Ten fighters, one rink, one fight

in our first ever Battle Royale!

- Let's f***ing go!

- Are you ready?

Are you ready?

- Really bad idea.

- Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

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