Grabbers Page #2

- Tadhg!

- Oh, my God!...

Tadhg! Oh! Tadhg!

Irene!

Tadhg! Tadhg!

Okay... okay... okay...

Okay...

Sweet Jesus Christ, okay...

Okay, okay, this is easy.

Okay, okay, okay, I can do this.

- Hi.

- Come on down for a drink.

No, I have work tomorrow.

You know, it doesn't matter.

Nobody's checking up on you.

It doesn't matter out here.

- You are drunk.

- No, I'm not. No.

Is that right?

Say the alphabet backwards for me.

Em...

Zed...

Et cetera.

- I hope you are not driving.

- I'm taking Johnny's horse, yah...

You are gonna ride a

horse while intoxicated?

Yeah, so, the horse is sober.

- Well, that's just brilliant.

- It's great.

It's great that you are in charge here.

Em, listen, em...

I think we got off on the wrong foot.

It's okay. I'm fine.

It's nothing.

Last drink's gone straight to me head.

Do you get this drunk every night?

Just... high days and holidays.

Let's get you to bed.

Now you are talking.

Brian, ugh...

Oh, ya little... such pa...

Desist herself.

Do I have something to sign?

Oh, yes, the big one.

- Looks like it should be nice out.

- There's a storm coming.

Really? Are the gulls

flying low or something?

No, it was on the telly.

- You are not married, Lise, are you?

- No.

Like O'Shea.

- Well, widowed.

- Widowed?

He wouldn't tell you.

No, he's a very private fella.

With a few drinks and a nog, it might

come up, but not normally, no.

There's no need for him to be

here, really. I think it's...

bit of a sabbatical.

Oh, if you need, at any stage,

a bigger bed, I have a lovely room,

'The Honeymoon Suite', usually we

call it, off the back of the hotel.

- It's very quiet.

- No, thank you.

It has much bigger beds. If there's two

instead of one, you know you are salved.

Because next week, we have a huge stag

party from Dublin, so if you want...

- the bigger room, now is to book it.

- Okay, thank you. Goodbye.

- All right, Lisa, have a great day!

- Thank you!

Morning!

Nice place you've got here.

Close to the beach, all mod cons.

What happened?

Section 4.1 of the Public Order Act:

"It is an offence for any person...

to be present in any public

place while intoxicated...

to such an extent as would give rise

to a reasonable apprehension... "

You arrested me?

You passed out before I

could find your house.

Garda Nolan.

But I get a reward for

discovering it, a finder's fee.

- We'll discuss it later.

- But I get something, right?

Ugh.

Is that your professional opinion?

- A grabber.

- A what?

I've told you, Paddy,

I'm not calling it that.

It needs a name that defines it's genus.

- I discovered it. I get to name it.

- All right. Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hello.

- What is that thing?

- I haven't a clue.

I've never seen anything like it before.

It's a completely foreign species.

I can't even begin

to origin it or class it.

- A grabber.

- Paddy.

- It has attacked you?

- Stalked on the ceiling, it was.

- Nearly ripped me throat off.

- It's dead, right?

- Um, I'm not sure.

- You are not what?

The basic tests I've done so far have

shown up nothing usual or normal.

It is beyond mystifying.

I mean, really, I can't be

sure without opening it up.

'Tis dead.

Would you stop doing that?

Is it any wonder it bit you.

- What's that in it's mouth?

- That... is it's tongue.

Check it out.

Spits like a frog and strangles ya.

Whip it fast and sharp.

So, I'm guessing this creature

bleeds it's prey like a leech,

consuming the blood like

some sort of Vampyroteuthis.

- Vampyro what?

- Vampyroteuthis.

It's a rare deep-sea squid,

but no, this is not that, no.

This is something totally

different, something alien.

You know, in that it's

undocumented, not from...

- It's gotta be worth a fortune.

- Oh, but... here's the thing.

When I tried to clean some dirt off it,

Well, I stood on it a few times.

this happened.

- What's that mean?

- All this thing needs to survive...

is blood and water.

Could you put it on the eBay?

Do you think?

You are not putting this on eBay.

You are so lucky she didn't kill you.

- She?

- Yeah, it's a... Sorry, excuse me.

Yeah, it's a female,

from what I can tell.

How can you tell?

How can I tell? Well,

it's got no testicles.

- And...

- Takes a scientist to realise that.

Indeed, O'Shea. She was pregnant.

That's disgusting.

Well, a small fly in the

ointment there, Smith.

How did that big egg come out of that?

Mother Nature's a

mysterious woman, isn't she?

Incredibly beautiful. Are you related?

Do you think that grabber thing...

could have anything to do

with those dead whales?

- What makes you say that?

- Just a hunch, you know.

- Oh, you get hunches now?

- No, I watch a lot of Columbo.

- Why have we stopped?

- That's Declan Cooney's car.

Cooney!

- Where could he be?

- Nowhere without his keys.

- You believe in coincidences?

- Not really.

Neither do I. Come on.

One of the light's on. So, how

come you are not in uniform?

- It's Sunday.

- Ah.

Neither are you.

Suits ya. You look nice.

- Smith's a nice fella, isn't he?

- "Positively smashing. "

He's a proper gentleman,

and such polite company.

Yeah, he's like you, married to his job.

I'm not... I take pride in my work.

Unlike you.

Shh... I'm working.

You are looking in the

wrong place, Columbo.

Okay, hold it steady.

You're something else, you know that?

You should have joined

the Army, not the Guards.

Stop talking to yourself,

it's very distracting.

I'm not talking to meself,

I'm talking to you.

Uh-huh.

Great! Something up here.

Could you be a bit more specific?

It stinks like that thing.

It's stuck on something.

Jesus!

Jesus! Crap, me nose!

It's a head!

- What killed him, Jim?

- The fact that he's just a head.

You bring me someone with a head cold or

a headache, then I could do something.

But you bring me just a head,

then you are taking the piss.

Jesus, I could bury him in a shoebox.

Doctor, we need to know.

He was mauled, in some way, by some

animal or something. I don't know.

- A tiger?

- A tiger?

We can't put that on our report.

But I am a country

doctor, for God's sake.

What, am I going to run across stuff

like this, every day of the week?

- Christ! Didn't I tell ya?

- Jesus! Paddy! What is it?

How am I supposed to wash meself?

Okay. Here is where

Cooney's car was abandoned.

Here is Tadhg and Irene Murphy's house.

Here is where the whales

washed up, and we're here.

I was hoping it'll show

us some sort of pattern.

Well, it's the letter 'Z'.

Did you show that thing to

anyone else before we saw it?

Tadhg Murphy got a look of it,

before I brought it home.

It gawked (vomited) on him.

Why?

We think there might be another one

of those things. At least one anyway.

- Are you serious?

- Yeah.

That thing you caught couldn't

have fertilised that egg by itself,

which would mean

there's a male out there,

big enough and strong enough to

knock a hole in your bathroom wall.

- Smith said it needs water, right?

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