Grabbers Page #5

You brought this thing to the island!

Oh, relax. You'll

give yourself angina.

I'll give you angina!

Outside, now! I claim ya!

- Can't go outside!

- Because of the rain!

All right! Put 'em up! Come on!

Right, sir, I've had

enough of your bollocks!

Paddy! Brian! Come on!

Now is not the time for this!

Okay, everyone! Don't worry, it's grand.

We've got it all under control.

There's no one trying to kill you.

- We need more alcohol!

- Yeah!

No! Again, stay back.

Smith, what are you doing?

Smith! Smith!

Smith, listen to me! Listen to me!

It's bigger than you think.

Get back inside now, please.

I'm begging ya!

I need a photograph with it

for National Geographic...

and Facebook.

Feck your photos! Change the kegs!

Paddy!

What? He's sloommered,

sure he'll be fine.

Go on, Smith! Fighting fella, you are!

Smith, listen to me! I'm begging ya!

Get back inside, Smith!

Come on! Smith! Listen to me!

Shush, you'll scare it.

You are beautiful.

Oh, wow.

Steady... You don't want to eat me.

You see? I told you!

It's just an animal.

It doesn't want to hurt you.

Oh, okay, okay.

Jesus.

Everybody, upstairs now!

What the hell is that?

Everybody, stay calm!

What in the name of

f*** were those things?

Everybody okay? Yeah?

Everybo... Stay calm! Stay calm!

Anybody been bitten?

Anybody been bitten? Look at me.

Has anybody been bitten?

No? Good. You haven't been bitten,

'cause of the alcohol

you've been drinking.

This might sound crazy,

but they're allergic to drunk people.

So there's no need to panic,

we're safe up here.

And let's stay away from the windows.

I think it's best.

We're gonna be fine.

It's swinging one of Tommy

Riordan's sheep at the door.

My cat does that, then leaves it

on the doorstep as a present.

It's a b*tch. A mating ritual.

The female. It's following her scent.

So didn't she slime you on the lab?

What does that mean?

It'll try to mount ya, somehow.

Failing that, it'll rip ya

limb from limb in frustration.

Grand! Ah, sure, what can you do?

What's your reading?

Too drunk to drive a car, but not

drunk enough. We're sobering up.

- What if we threw a bomb at it?

- Have you got semtex on ya?

Not on me, no.

How about if we like, uh,

push it off a cliff or something?

How you say we feed it Father Potts.

Lest it eats sh*t, it'll choke to death.

- I beg your pardon?

- Oh, feck.

It was a joke, Father. I apologise.

Okay.

We know it does two things.

It drinks blood and it needs water.

We took away one.

We can take away the other.

What do you mean?

We need to keep it away from

the water. Dry it out, somehow.

Look outside!

There's got to be some

way we can stop it.

Fight fire with fire.

- The thing!

- What?

The fekkin' thing at Cooney's site.

What's it called?

- A grabber.

- Yeah, exactly.

With that thing, you could grab it,

and you could just f'kin' lift it up,

and you could just hoist it up,

and leave it there, and trap it,

and it'll be stuck in the air,

and then the sun will come...

and the sun will come up, and

it'll be dry and that'll dry it out.

Brian, have you got

the keys to your truck?

No, that'll be on the kitchen table.

I need them.

You are sober.

You can't be going down there,

those things will rip the head off ya.

- Yeah, she's right.

- You might not get past them.

But I know someone who could.

Talking about the

drunken-est person we've got.

Absolutely not. No.

- Paddy, you go.

- Feck off, you.

Brian. Brian should go.

Thanks for that, um...

Yup. Yeah... I... suppose I could, yeah.

Your arse, you're going!

You're pickled, you f***ing go!

Just... Come on. I'm gonna go.

No, no, it's too dangerous.

Newsflash, I'm gonna go because...

I'm one of the best drunken garda

this country's ever seen, you said.

Didn't you say it?

I'm just gonna get the keys.

This is not gonna take it lightly.

I'm just gonna go, gonna get

the keys. It's gonna be grand.

I'm your shining knight in silver armor.

Right, if you get in trouble,

pull the trigger.

Ho-ho, Savage!

- Oh, careful.

- You missed.

- Brian! Would you ever feck off it?

- Paddy!

Just get the keys, I'll do the rest.

Got it, just the keys.

I'll be all right.

Jesus Christ!

It's okay! I'm all right.

Shush, keep your voice down.

She's a goner.

- How're you gonna get to the truck?

- Well, run very fast.

- Well, you're not that fast.

- No, he'll need a decoy.

I've got it. If it's you it wants,

we give it what it wants.

We make a dummy of you,

dress it up as bait, and confuse

the shite clean out of it.

- How do we make a dummy?

- Improvise.

Focus.

Ewh.

I love this song.

Hurry.

Hey, everybody, stay calm!

Fire! Fire!

I smell smoke.

Lisa! Lisa!

Is there another way down?

- Una, it's lovely.

- I don't think it's scary enough, lads.

It is not a bleeding beauty contest!

Una, it's a scarecrow!

Lisa! Lisa!

Come on, for f***'s sake!

Go, Lisa! Go!

O'Shea, O'Shea, do you read me?

We're evacuating.

You did it, boy! You did it!

Stop now! Lisa, stop anywhere.

Okay, you can stop now.

Lisa? Lisa, stop now! Stop!

- We are here!

- Jesus! You're dangerous!

Come on, quickly! Hey, it's not raining!

How long do you think

it'll take it to dry out?

- I don't know, couple of hours.

- Bollocks, where is the crane?

- Sh*t!

- What are we gonna do now?

Okay, I'm thinking if

I can get it over there.

- Wait, we are not ready!

- Run! Run! Run!

- Give me the keys!

- What keys?

- Cooney's keys.

- There! Go! Run!

Come on, you...

Just a little closer.

What are you waiting for?

Come on and come and get me!

Come on, you smelly bastard.

Get away from him, you C-U-U-U-UNT!

Yaa-Hoooo!

I think this calls for a celebration.

No!

Slinte (cheers).

Are you okay? You okay?

He couldn't handle his drink.

What are you doing?

Ah! Shut your hole!

That was fun, wasn't it?

- Tell that to Una.

- Ah, she'll be grand.

Would you like a drink?

I wouldn't say no.

Here, I thought you'd run out of drink?

- Have you poitn in your house?

- Is the Pope a Catholic?

Here.

I shouldn't have done that!

Just kidding, I should.

I think I'll take some time off.

- Yeah?

- Mm-hmm.

You know, if you lived here,

you'd be home already.

- Home of the Erin Island Grabbers.

- Uh-huh.

It's gonna get mental around here.

I'm gonna need all the help I can get.

- Wanna get some breakfast?

- Yum! Yes, I do.

I think we should go

and pick up Jim's dog.

- Aw, Dr. Gleesons dog?

- Yeah.

Yeah, she'll be missing her 'dad'.

Aw, I've always wanted a dog.

[Subtopian]

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes