Grandma Page #4

ELLE:

I don’t have a girlfriend.

SAGE:

Mom said you did. She said you hada girlfriend called Olivia.

ELLE:

I knew I shouldn’t tell your motheranything.

SAGE:

Why not?

ELLE:

Because she’s so judgemental.

“Judge Judy.”

SAGE:

Yeah. “Judge Judy.”

(pause)

You have a violet tattoo, right?

For Aunt Violet?

ELLE:

Yes. That I do.

DEATHY:

You ever see her dragonfly? I did

that!

SAGE:

Yeah, it’s badass.

Deathy works.

SAGE (CONT’D)

Do you miss her? Violet?

ELLE:

I miss her all the time.

DEATHY:

That was a great love story, youand Vi. Course she put up with alot.

ELLE:

What does that mean?

DEATHY:

Nothing, darling, just you’re notthe easiest toke. But that’s why Ilove you. So what is the O for?

ELLE:

O’s a big letter for women. You

got “Ovaries.” Origami. Openness.

Orifice.

DEATHY:

Cheeri-os.

ELLE:

Oven. Old. Odd. Ossuary. Out.

SAGE:

Olivia.

ELLE:

Whatever. Yeah. As it happens.

Elle purses her lips.

DEATHY:

Done!

LATER:

By the register. Elle is patting her tattoo with some cottonwith bacitracin on it.

ELLE:

How much do you think first

editions are worth?

DEATHY:

First editions of what? Of your

stuff?

ELLE:

My stuff? Those aren’t worth

anything.

SAGE:

But you’re famous.

ELLE:

No, I was marginally well-known.

Forty years ago. But I have some

valuable first editions. Betty

Friedan. I got a couple of signed

Simone de Beauvoir books. Carla

wanted them.

DEATHY:

Who’s Carla?

ELLE:

You know, she owns the Bonobo cafe.

ELLE (CONT’D)

I’m gonna sell my God damned first

editions. They’re probably worth a

few thousand, but I’ll give her a

break. What the hell am I hanging

onto them for anyway? See Sage, I

told you this’d clear my head.

DEATHY:

(to Sage)

Hey, darling, here’s thirty-five

bucks. It all adds up.

(looks over)

And here’s another thirty I’m just

gonna borrow from the register.

20 INT. ELLE’S APARTMENT - DAY 20

Back to Elle’s apartment.

Elle and Sage enter. Elle goes to her answering machine.

There are two messages.

Elle presses the answering machine button.

ANSWERING MACHINE

You have two messages. First

message, sent today at 11:03.

The first message is a hang-up.

ANSWERING MACHINE (CONT’D)

Second message, sent today at

11:
04.

The second message is a hang-up too.

Elle bites her cheek. Stares at the answering machine.

She looks over. Sage is leaning over the sink, retching abit, spitting saliva.

ELLE:

You alright?

Sage looks at her.

ELLE (CONT’D)

You want some ginger ale?

SAGE:

I hate ginger ale.

ELLE:

What? You love ginger ale. We

used to have these little tea

parties, only you didn’t like tea,

so we’d put ginger ale in the

teapot.

SAGE:

(pause)

Okay. It’s almost 12:30.

ELLE:

It’s gonna be alright.

SAGE:

HOW! HOW WILL IT BE ALRIGHT?

ELLE:

It will. We’re gonna sell some

damn first editions. Here. Check

em out.

Elle has a shelf of old first editions, along with a numberof copies of books of poetry that she wrote.

ELLE (CONT’D)

That f***in’ Carla is gonna go

apeshit for them. She was over

here for dinner once, she wanted to

buy them from me, right then.

Elle pulls a few books out.

Sage picks up The Feminine Mystique.

SAGE:

What’s this?

ELLE:

The Feminine Mystique? What’s The

Feminine Mystique?

SAGE:

Mystique’s a character in X-Men.

ELLE:

What? What the hell are youtalking about?

SAGE:

Want me to google how much it’s

worth?

ELLE:

Yeah. Go ahead. Signed firstedition.

SAGE:

I’ll look it up on Ebay.

ELLE:

Ebay, Google, whatever. The

Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan.

You know The Wizard of Oz, when the

curtain gets pulled aside, and theysee the Wizard’s a fake? Cause

that dog, Toto pulls the curtain?

She was like Toto.

(pause)

Maybe not a great metaphor.

SAGE:

53.90.

ELLE:

Five thousand three hundred ninetydollars?

SAGE:

No, Fifty-three dollars and ninety

cents. There’s one on sale here on

Ebay for 53.90.

ELLE:

Fifty-three dollars?! That’s

bullshit!

SAGE:

First edition, good condition,

fifty-three dollars ninety cents.

She shows Elle her phone. Elle squints at it.

ELLE:

How can you read that?

SAGE:

There’s a stain on it. Is this

wine?

ELLE:

Yeah, wine. Probably. Sh*t. Well

I’m just gonna bring all these

things. Look at this. The Prime

of Life by Simone de Beauvoir.

This is her autobiography. Dare I

ask if you know who Simone deBeauvoir is?

SAGE:

No idea. Guess I’m an idiot.

ELLE:

Guess you are.

Sage looks like she’s been slapped.

SAGE:

(mutters)

Screw you.

ELLE:

What? Couldn’t hear you.

SAGE:

SCREW YOU! SCREW YOU, GRANDMA!

ELLE:

Not bad.

SAGE:

You don’t even know who Mystiqueis.

Elle laughs.

21 EXT. STREET BY CAFE - DAY 21

Elle and Sage get out of Elle’s car, both carrying a fewbooks.

They walk towards a cafe with a Bonobo Ape painted on thewindow.

SAGE:

So what’s a bonobo?

ELLE:

A very advanced ape. The females

run the show, they masturbate allthe time, and they don’t have wars,

unlike chimps and humans.

SAGE:

So you think women are better thanmen?

ELLE:

Men are okay. My father was a man.

SAGE:

Mine wasn’t. He was a sperm.

ELLE:

Donor. Your mom was busy. You

shouldn’t blame her for that. That

was a valid decision. At least

that sperm wasn’t a drunk. It neverblacked your eye cause you talkedback.

SAGE:

I just wish she could have gottenthe sperm’s name. Only thing Iknow is he must have had curlyhair.

She holds open the door for Elle.

22 INT. BONOBO CAFE - DAY 22

A feminist-themed coffee shop.

A woman with a white buzz-cut is hanging up a flyer.

ELLE:

Hey.

CARLA:

Hey! Hey stranger!

ELLE:

I brought the books.

CARLA:

What books?

ELLE:

The books you wanted to buy from

me.

She puts books on a counter next to soy milk and almond milkthermoses.

CARLA:

Oh. Okay, umm...

Carla glances towards the back of the cafe.

ELLE:

Look. Feminine Mystique. First

edition, signed. This wine stain?

Was left by Betty Friedan herself.

Simone de Beauvoir. Germaine

Greer! The Female Eunuch! Got

some Eileen Myles here, for God’ssake!

CARLA:

Un-hunh, yeah...

ELLE:

My granddaughter here googled them,

they’re worth thousands andthousands of dollars.

Sage gives Elle a look.

ELLE (CONT’D)

Right?

SAGE:

(lying)

...Yeah right.

ELLE:

I’ll let you have em for five-

hundred and fifteen dollars, but

it’s gottta be right now, cash.

Out from the kitchen comes Olivia, Elle’s (now ex) lover,

holding a plate with a quesadilla on it for a customer. She

has on an apron with a Bonobo ape on it.

She freezes upon seeing Elle.

OLIVIA:

What are you doing here?

ELLE:

What - what are you doing here?

You’re not supposed to be workingtoday!

OLIVIA:

Laurel was sick. She asked me to

fill in. Jesus, what are you doinghere?

ELLE:

I came to sell some stuff. These

books.

Olivia recognizes the books.

OLIVIA:

You’re gonna sell these? Why?

ELLE:

I need some cash.

OLIVIA:

I told you not to cut up your

credit card!

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