Grandma Page #5

A woman sitting at a table pipes up.

CUSTOMER:

Is that my quesadilla?

OLIVIA:

Yes. Sorry.

Olivia brings the customer her quesadilla.

Elle tries to compose herself.

ELLE:

Okay.

(to Carla)

Okay, you want to buy these orwhat? You said you wanted to buythem.

CARLA:

Well, I don’t know. I have to

think about it.

OLIVIA:

(to customer, distracted)

You want - you want hot sauce?

CUSTOMER:

You have Tabasco?

OLIVIA:

Tapatio. We have Tapatio.

Olivia is glancing over at Elle.

Sage is watching their interaction.

ELLE:

Come on, do you want them or not?

CARLA:

I’m thinking.

Olivia takes a deep breath and comes back over.

OLIVIA:

Hey.

ELLE:

Hey.

OLIVIA:

Are you going to introduce me toyour granddaughter?

ELLE:

Sure.

(turns)

Sage. Olivia.

SAGE:

Olivia. Hi.

OLIVIA:

I’ve seen pictures of you.

SAGE:

Oh. Cool.

OLIVIA:

Bit of a...surprise meeting you

like this.

SAGE:

Yeah...

OLIVIA:

Okay. Wow. Well. F***.

ELLE:

(to Carla)

Well?

CARLA:

Look, I’ll give you sixty dollarsfor them.

ELLE:

All of them?

OLIVIA:

So you need money? Because

ELLE:

I do not need money from you.

Thank you.

OLIVIA:

Okay. ‘Cause

ELLE:

Are you f***ing kidding me? Are

you kidding me Olivia?

Olivia turns to Carla.

OLIVIA:

(to Carla)

These books are worth more than

sixty dollars.

ELLE:

I can do my own haggling. Jesus,

stop being so nice.

OLIVIA:

Well stop being so mean! Stopbeing such a mean a**hole! How

about that?

ELLE:

Me? Mean? I’m not mean, I’m justnot a hypocrite!

OLIVIA:

So I’m a hypocrite now?!

ELLE:

(to Olivia)

Did you call me earlier? Did youcall me and hang up? Twice?

OLIVIA:

(pause)

...Yes.

ELLE:

Why?

OLIVIA:

I don’t know. I don’t know why.

ELLE:

You just want power. You want to

exert your dominance over me! You

want to be the Alpha Bonobo!

OLIVIA:

No!

CARLA:

Guys, take it outside.

Elle turns on Carla.

ELLE:

And you! How come you don’t pay adecent wage, you cheap a**hole!

CARLA:

What?

ELLE:

You heard me! You call yourself afeminist?! It should be illegal,

what you pay these kids!

OLIVIA:

I’m not a kid

ELLE:

It probably is illegal! You’re not

a Bonobo, Carla! You’re a gorilla!

You’re a Silverback male gorilla!

(MORE)

ELLE (CONT'D)

And she is right! These books are

worth way more than sixty dollars!

SAGE:

Grandma, let’s go!

ELLE:

DON’T call me f***ing GRANDMA!

SAGE:

(pause)

What should I call you?

ELLE:

(to Olivia)

GO BACK TO SCHOOL. Finish yourdoctorate. Get your head out ofyour ass! Stop working at thisdump!

CUSTOMER:

Could I get that hot sauce please?

OLIVIA:

What?

CUSTOMER:

Sorry - hot sauce?

OLIVIA:

Here. You want hot sauce? You

want hot sauce?!!

She grabs some Tapatio and DUMPS IT ALL OVER THE WOMAN’S

QUESADILLA.

OLIVIA (CONT’D)

HOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?

ELLE:

(laughs)

HAH! You’re really off the deepend!

CARLA:

That’s it!

(picks up books)

Take these. I don’t want them.

ELLE:

Great and take your sixty bucks andshove em up your ass.

Elle leaves.

SAGE:

I’ll carry them.

Olivia follows.

23 EXT. STREET BY CAFE - DAY 23

Olivia comes out after Elle and yells.

OLIVIA:

Why are you acting like these lastfour months didn’t mean anything?!

Why?!

ELLE:

Because they didn’t.

OLIVIA:

I HATE you!

ELLE:

Great!

OLIVIA:

I WISH I’D NEVER MET YOU!

ELLE:

You never did!

OLIVIA:

Right, cause you never showed methe real you, right?!

ELLE:

That’s exactly right.

OLIVIA:

WELL I’VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU, I SAW

THE REAL YOU, I SAW IT, YOU SELFISH

A**HOLE! AND I STILL STUCK AROUND!

ELLE:

Your medal’s in the mail.

OLIVIA:

I’m returning it!

ELLE:

You - you NEOPHYTE! You INGENUE!

OLIVIA:

SOLIPSIST! WRITER-IN-RESIDENCE!!!

Elle walks off.

SAGE:

Uh...nice to meet you...

Sage hurries to the car.

24 INT. CAR - DAY 24

They drive.

SAGE:

You okay to drive?

ELLE:

Fine.

(pause)

You can call me Grandma. That was

just

SAGE:

I know.

SAGE (CONT’D)

Why’d she call you “writer in

residence?”

ELLE:

...She’s calling me a sellout.

Cause that’s how I used to make

bread. You go someplace, a privatecollege, usually, cause they havethe money. You do some readings,

you teach some seminars, then youleave, cause you don’t have tenure.

SAGE:

How is that selling out?

ELLE:

Well. It’s not “suffering for yourart.” But I had a kid.

(pause)

I used to drag your mother alongwith me when she was little. Spenta lot of time in cars, your motherand me.

SAGE:

Well...I’m learning some new

insults. My friends pretty muchjust call each other “b*tch” or“ho.” “Slut.”

ELLE:

Well that’s ignorant bullshit.

SAGE:

(pause)

So do you think I’m one? A slut?

ELLE:

(looks at her)

No. And I don’t want to hear youuse that word again.

(pause)

You know in the 14th century,

Chaucer used the word “sluttish” to

refer to an untidy man

SAGE:

(pause)

What’s that noise?

There’s a noise from the car.

ELLE:

That’s the noise the car makes.

Let’s go buy a few dollars worth of

gas.

24A EXT. REAR OF GAS STATION - DAY 24A

Elle comes out from a gas station rest room.

SAGE:

She’s pretty. Olivia.

ELLE:

Yes, she’s pretty. That’s what itmeans, “Olivia.” It means “most

beautiful.” So what was she doingwith me? Right?

SAGE:

No.

ELLE:

That’s what you were thinking.

SAGE:

It wasn’t. It wasn’t actually.

ELLE:

She mailed me an essay she wroteabout my poetry. Asked if I’d have

coffee with her someday.

(MORE)

ELLE (CONT'D)

Because I’m so vain, I said okay.

We met for coffee...she was cute.

And smart. And she just kept after

me. I did more writing in the lastfour months than in the five yearbefore that.

(pause)

Anyway, that’s over.

SAGE:

(pause)

Grandma, you got any other ideas?

ELLE:

...I’m afraid I do.

25 EXT. HOUSE - DAY 25

Elle pulls up outside a house with an old motorcycle in frontof it. There’s a metal seesaw in the front lawn.

26 INT. CAR - DAY 26

Elle looks at the house.

SAGE:

What?

ELLE:

Nothing. Wait in the car

(pause)

On second thought, come with me.

The front door of the house opens. KARL steps onto theporch. He’s about 70, muscular, with a pigtail.

KARL:

Elle?

Elle gets out of the car.

ELLE:

Hi there. Hi Karl.

KARL:

What a surprise to get your call.

ELLE:

Well, it’s been too long.

KARL:

Thirty years, Elle. Been thirtyyears since we last saw each other.

ELLE:

God, we’re thirty years older.

KARL:

That’s how it works. It don’t gobackwards. Who’s the young lady?

ELLE:

This is my granddaughter. Sage.

KARL:

“Sage.” Nice name. Pungent.

SAGE:

Hi.

KARL:

You want some zucchini?

ELLE:

That’s alright.

(to Sage)

Do you?

SAGE:

No thank you.

KARL:

How about some corn. I just boiled

some corn. Come on.

He goes into the house. Elle and Sage follow him.

27 INT. KARL’S KITCHEN - DAY 27

Elle is eating some corn, looking at some framed photos on atable. Sage hangs back.

KARL:

(to Sage)

Sure you don’t want some corn?

SAGE:

No thanks. I have...a bit of an

upset stomach.

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