Gray Matters Page #3

are conmigo. More vino, por favor.

! Ayayay, oh!

Gracias. Gracias.

Carlos! Cover me!

I'm goin' in.

Okay, best food movie.

- Like Water For Chocolate.

- Babette's Feast. How about Babette's Feast?

- Okay.

- Okay, Fatso starring Dom DeLuise.

- Yes.

- Oh, good one. Okay, is it me?

Let's see.

Uh, women you need to get away from.

Bette Davis in

What Ever Happened To BabyJane?

Ah, good one. I got Glenn Close in

Fatal Attraction for the rabbit.

- Kathy Bates in Misery.

- Okay. Okay. How 'bout, um, best screen kiss?

- Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh in Gone with the Wind.

- That's overrated, I think.

I'll go with Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman

in Notorious.

Okay. I'll see your Notorious...

and I'll raise you Omar Sharif and

Julie Christie in Doctor Zhivago.

- Very good.

- Oh, wait. I'll see your Doctor Zhivago...

and I will raise you Lady and the Tramp

in Lady and the Tramp.

Winner. Winner. The spaghetti

pooch smooch. Nothing better.

Thank God we're home. My toes

are even starting to swell. I'm exhausted.

Dogs are barking? No wonder.

It's 4:
30 in the morning.

Oh, my God.

I have to be up in three hours.

I'm wide awake. I could go for hours.

I guess I'm nocturnal.

- Oh, yeah? Me too. You should get to bed. How about a nightcap?

- Great.

What the hell.

I haven't pulled an all-nighter in ages.

Let's go to Soho House or Sway

or like a diner or something.

Ow.

- Don't you have that big meeting in the morning?

- What big meeting?

Big meeting in the morning

you have to get to?

Oh, that big meeting. Actually, I'm

pretty tired. I should go to bed.

- It was great meeting you, Charlie.

- Okay. Good night.

I hope we can do this again.

Me too.

I'm getting my keys, all right?

- Straight to bed.

- Good night.

Night.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- You got in late last night. I didn't even hear you come in.

- I'm just getting in now.

- Sounds like you had a good time.

- It was more than good.

- She's pretty great.

- She's more than great.

Don't blow it. You're off to a strong

start, but a girl can sense a "glommer. "

- She doesn't think I'm a glommer.

- She could and you don't even know it.

- She doesn't think I'm a glommer.

- Staring in her eyes. Glommer.

- I know. L- Read my non-glomming lips.

- A girl doesn't like a guy-

- I know she doesn't- - She could think

you're a glommer and you don't know.

You know how I know?

Because I asked her to marry me.

What?

And she said yes.

Can you believe it?

We got our blood work done this morning,

and we're going to Vegas this weekend...

- and we want you to be our witness.

- What?

I know. It's amazing. It's like-

It's-It's-It's- It's incredible.

You know what she is? She's

- She's the sun, she's the stars, she's the moon.

She's the jackpot. She's it.

You don't even know her.

She could be an ax murderer for all you know.

Oh, no! I forgot to ask her

if she was an ax murderer.

You know what she isn't? An ax murderer.

You know what she is? Perfect.

She's perfect. Gray, remember what Mom

always used to say?

When it was right, we would know.

Well, trust me. It's right.

Mom is divorced for the third time,

and she lives in a commune.

- Stop being so "J" and start being happy for me.

- I am so not "J."

I'm notjealous of you when you're totally

psychologically unstable.

I'm psychologically unstable? I'm psyc-

You're the one that said "Get the ball. "

I said "Get the ball,"

not "Get the ring. "

Gray, we're goin' to Vegas this weekend,

and we are gonna get married.

You can come with us.

I booked you a room. I booked you a flight.

If you come, great.

And if you don't, that's your deal.

- But you know what? I'm gettin' married.

- How does that happen?

One minute you know someone,

the next minute they're so desperate...

- they propose to someone they met 24 hours ago.

- Oh, hey, Gray Ghost.

I told Charlie that you'd meet her at

Bloomingdale's tomorrow to try on wedding dresses.

She doesn't have a lot of friends in the

city, and I thought it'd be fun for you two.

Forget it.

There's no way that's happening.

It's too frilly.

Something with a little less piff and poof.

Yeah, I think you're right.

Maybe something a little sexier.

If you want sexy, I got sexy.

I mean, I know you kids aren't Little

Bo Peep underneath those dresses.

But...

if you ask me...

a sexy bride just doesn't sit right.

A beautiful bride, yes.

A glowing bride, of course.

But sexy is- I-

I just don't know.

Personally, it makes me

a little uncomfortable.

Really? Do you have anything in red

with a slit up to the hip?

- Red!

- She's kidding.

Just something with a little

less piff and poof and no lace.

Oh, no lace?

No problem.

I will be right back.

I just got in a Dior in duchess satin...

that is to die for.

Great.

Are you sure you want to

go through with this?

Did you know that Sam

cheats at Monopoly and he snores?

- And he's got a hairy back.

- I work with animals.

Hairy is a turn-on.

Honestly? I was a goner the moment I saw him

at the dog park.

There's just something about his impish

smile and that twinkle in his eye.

The smile isn't real.

His teeth are capped.

And the twinkle in his eyes?

It's a reflection off his contacts.

- He's as blind as a bat.

- Help me out of this thing. My breasts feel like prisoners.

Set them free.

Please tell me you don't

wear stuff like that every day.

What? Lingerie?

I love it.

I've spent more on lingerie

than I have on rent.

I haven't bought a new pair

of underwear in over four years.

- Eww. That's kind of gross, huh?

- Why don't you try a dress on?

- No.

- Come on. This one's only 10,000.

No way, no way. Not doin' it.

Never gonna happen.

Come on. It will be fun.

Try it on.

Forget about it. No way. Never happening.

Not gonna... ever happen.

No!

What if I damage it?

Shh. Stay still while

I get this zipper up.

Ohh!

Did you cover me? I was at

the Bloomingdale's bridal salon.

- Mr. Phillips came by at 9:30.

- He did?

Yep. But I told him you were at the

gynecologist getting a pap smear. It shut him up.

- Good one.

- So what were you doing at the Bloomingdale's bridal salon?

- You know that girl Sam met at the park?

- Don't tell me she's a man.

- No!

- Sorry. I've been reading too many trashy magazines. What?

He asked her to marry him,

and she said yes.

- No.

- Yes! The wedding is this weekend.

- No! - Yes!

- Come on.

The worst thing is, I can't think of

a reason why he shouldn't marry her.

She's smart. She's beautiful.

She's funny. She's amazing.

Oh, please! She's a gold-digging wench trying to

hook her little claws into a resident surgeon...

before he makes the big bucks

that she can later get her hands on...

in an ugly, ugly, ugly

divorce settlement...

that her lawyer, who she's probably

schtupping on the side, will handle.

You're not still taping

All My Children every day?

I TiVo it. But seriously, you must be

flipping out that Sam is getting married...

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