Green Card Page #3

- Why am I whispering?

Oh, that's great! Just great.

Oh! No, that used to be the bathroom...

before the renovations.

I keep forgetting.

Voil. This was the broom closet, but

we made it into the bedroom. You see?

And this door is the bathroom.

Voil.

Let him move into my apartment?

I can't believe you're saying this.

Well, don't look so shocked.

Frankly, young lady...

I think you have

your priorities all wrong, you kno...

You married a man you didn't know

in order to get a greenhouse.

That shocked me.

All right, so I'm old-fashioned

when it comes to marriage.

I happen to think that falling in love

has something to do with it.

You don't? Fine.

But if marrying a stranger doesn't

shock you, then letting him move in...

and spend a couple of nights

sleeping on the sofa...

- Well, that shouldn't shock you either.

- Oh, this isn't happening.

They want a second interview on Monday.

This is Friday.

- That gives you the weekend

to get your stories straight.

- Two days?

Well, I don't see why he has to move in.

Why can't he just meet me

here in the park or something?

Because this interview's

going to be in-depth.

They're gonna question you separately.

They're gonna want to know the colour

of each other's toothbrush.

Uh, what does he like to eat?

I don't know. Does he snore?

You're gonna have to, uh,

study each other's habits.

- It's like you're cramming for an exam.

- Oh, God!

- Do I have no alternative?

- Sure.

You can confess everything now,

he'll be deported...

you could face charges,

and no more greenhouse.

- It's like living in a police state.

- No, no.

It's called breaking the law.

Now, no matter how trivial

it may have seemed to you at the time...

that's what you've done.

Anyway, I think you should,

uh, introduce Georges

to some of your friends.

- My friends?

- Let him get to know them. Say he's

visiting from Paris or something.

No, I couldn't bear that.

He's such a slob.

- I'll do it without anybody knowing.

- Well, that's up to you.

But listen, get that story straight.

Oh, by Monday evening

this'll all be over...

and we can start planning the divorce.

I can't wait.

For your pond.

Oh. Right. Thank you.

Wait and I'll show you around.

Not that there's that much to see.

You do know where the bathroom is.

Shoo, shoo, shoo. Come on.

Shoo. Shoo.

Do you mind not smoking inside?

- What's this?

- It's coffee.

- No.

Yes, it is. It's decaf.

- Don't you have any real coffee?

- I'm afraid not.

I'll make you the best coffee

you ever had.

I only drink decaf.

You'll change when you taste this.

Look, I don't want anyone

to know about this, okay?

So we have to make up a story

in case we run into any of my friends.

Something simple.

You're an old friend.

I admire your ballet music.

You're visiting from Paris.

You're staying with me

for a couple of nights.

- You're gay.

- Gay? I don't want to be gay.

Okay, you're not gay.

You're just an old friend...

and the hotels are all booked up,

so here you are.

Oh. Not a very good story.

Well, you come up

with a better one then.

Well, I don't know.

Something political?

Terrorist, maybe? Hmm?

No, not a terrorist.

But political's good. A refugee.

That's it. That'll work. Yes.

No, we don't say anything.

Just a friend staying

for a couple of nights.

- This is New York.

- You're right.

- Mm-hmm.

- Okay, you sleep on the couch...

and we split expenses.

I'll cook, hmm? Hmm?

Oh.

Good.

Mm. It doesn't smell good.

Put it back, please.

- For your birds?

- What?

- This is a birdseed, no?

- It's muesli.

- Put it back. I'll get some croissants.

But I like birdseed.

- Sure.

- No, okay. No, you...

- No.

- Go ahead. No, please. No, no.

- No, go ahead. Choose, please.

- Come on, honey.

- Coming.

B?

Bront? Oh, it is you! Hey!

Lauren, what are you doing here?

What am I doing here?

I'm, like, you know, buying food.

Well, it's just not

your neighbourhood.

Mother's having one of

her little musical soirees.

I told her I'd pick up

a few things for her.

When am I gonna see your new apartment?

Hi.

Hi.

You're together?

Sort of. This is an old friend.

Georges Faur, this is Lauren Adler.

- Hi, Lauren.

- Ooh, that accent! You're French, right?

Ooh. This is so weird. Everything

in my life has been French lately.

Monday I buy a jacket. It's French.

Wednesday I go see a French movie.

And then, last night, Tony says,

"Let's eat French."

It's like Carl Jung.

What do you call it?

A coincidence... something.

- Coincidence.

- Uh-huh.

So, nice to meet you,

Bront's French friend.

- Uh-huh.

- Well, Lauren...

Look, if you want to eat French again,

eh, I'm cooking.

For Bront. Hmm?

- Uh...

- Mm-hmm.

I adore Paris.

I'd go there all the time if I could.

- Oh, yes, yes, I know.

- Oh, thanks.

- Teach me, Daddy. Teach me.

Oh, but the last time

was for six months.

- Hi, Mrs...

- Not right now!

- Oh, Mr Faur!

Mr Faur! Kids, meet Mr Faur.

- He's the one that's been in Africa.

- Hi.

Huh? My kids. Huh? Kids.

Maybe you two will be thinking

about starting a family soon, huh?

- Shh!

- Oh, shh, shh!

- Georges!

- Yes?

- Georges!

- Yes, I'm coming.

Hold the elevator!

Wait! Going up!

Hold it! Hold it!

Going up! Wait for me!

They should fix those doors.

Somebody'll get killed around here.

What did those government people want?

- It's nothing.

- We don't know exactly what they want.

- What's this?

- Georges' visa, a minor problem.

They said,

does Mr Faur do this and that?

And about Mrs Faur...

Did she go to Africa? And so on.

Mrs Faur?

Georges' mother.

- She died in Africa.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- Yes.

- Oh.

Killed by the elephants.

I could just sit here

and watch you all day, Georges.

Some stroke of luck, huh, B,

having a French chef as a guest?

Stop it, Lauren.

So what are you doing

in New York, Georges?

- I just crashed and...

- Georges is a political...

- You go on.

- No, go on.

- No, you, please.

A political what?

Political, um, ballet.

I can't imagine

a political ballet.

You know, it's sort of a...

Georges writes for the ballet.

He's an old friend.

- He's...

- Not gay.

- Of course not.

- Good.

- He just couldn't find a hotel.

- And he's been in Africa.

- Look, we old friend.

- Yeah.

- So I don't f*** her. Hmm?

What, did you kill somebody

for this place?

You probably cut them up

and used them for mulch.

This is amazing!

So is your French friend.

I want details later.

Oh, Lauren, please.

My mother would adore this.

Oh, speaking of my mother,

guess what!

She and Daddy are leaving New York.

- No! What about her beautiful gardens?

- They're leaving.

Anyway, I've told Daddy all about

the Green Worms or whatever they are.

- Green Guerillas.

- Yeah, well, anyway...

being this great old liberal,

he says how he'd like to give you

and your group all the plants.

No, not those beautiful trees.

The trees, the plants, everything.

Oh, that's fantastic! Our stocks

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