Grindhouse Page #4

and I doubled him.

From that point on

I specialized mostly in car stunts.

Yeah, I did damn near

the whole third season of Vega$ .

I was Robert Urich's driving double.

And then Bob

did another show, Gavilan.

and he brought me

with him on that, till...

And after that...

Do you know any of these shows

or people I'm talkin' about?

Sorry.

- No?

- Mm-mm.

No, no.

So how exactly does one

become a stuntman, Stuntman Mike?

Well, in Hollywood, anybody fool enough

to throw himself down a flight of stairs

can usually find somebody

to pay him for it.

But really I got into the business the way

most people get into the stunt business.

How's that?

- My brother got me in it.

- Well, who's your brother?

Stuntman Bob.

I'm ready to blaze!

Finally, yeah.

You need to catch up with us.

- Now the party can start.

- Yep.

Anywho, I'm sorry.

You forgive me?

But you have to be real nice to me

for the whole rest of the time I'm here.

Promise.

You ready to go to the lake?

Mm-hmm.

- How about your friend, bring him?

- I thought no boys.

If you really want him to come,

Shanna won't mind.

So how about it?

Boys or just us girls?

Mmm, us girls.

Good idea.

Ladies?

Thanks.

Cheers, Butterfly.

"The woods are lovely,

dark, and deep...

"And I have promises to keep,

And miles to go

before I sleep."

Did you hear me, Butterfly?

"Miles to go

before you sleep."

Sorry, Stuntman Burt...

Mike.

Mike.

She already broke off that dance.

Is that true?

Did I miss my chance?

Do I frighten you?

Is it my scar?

It's your car.

Ah, yeah, I know.

Sorry.

It's my mom's car.

Have you been following us?

No, but that's

what I love about Austin...

it's just so damn small.

- You 've seen this guy before?

- I saw him outside of Guero's.

And I saw you outside Guero's, too.

You saw my car,

I saw your legs.

Now, look, I ain't stalking y'all,

but I didn't say I wasn't a wolf.

So you really weren't following us?

I'm not following you, Butterfly.

I just... got lucky.

So, how about that lap dance?

Sorry, it was a one-time only offer,

and she did it

earlier this evening at Antone's.

- No, she didn't.

- How do you know?

I'm good that way.

- Tsk. And you look a little touchd.

- What's "touchd"?

Wounded, slightly.

Why should I be wounded?

Because you expected guys

to be pestering you all night,

but from your look I can tell

nobody pestered you at all.

That kind of hurt your feelings

a little bit, didn't it?

There are few things as fetching

as a bruised ego on a beautiful angel.

So...

How about that lap dance?

I think I'm going

to have to give you a rain check.

Well, since you 'll be leaving

in the next couple of days,

that rain check'll be worthless.

But that's okay.

I understand

if I make you uncomfortable.

You 're still a nice girl.

And I still like you.

But I must warn you of something.

You know how people say,

"You 're okay in my book,"

or, "In my book, that's no good."

Well, I actually have a book.

And everybody

I ever meet goes in this book.

And now I've met you,

and you 're goin' in the book.

Except...

I'm afraid I must file you...

under...

"Chicken Sh*t."

And what if I did it?

Well, I definitely couldn't

file you under "Chicken Sh*t,"

then, now, could I?

What's your name again?

- Stuntman Mike.

- Well, Stuntman Mike...

I'm Butterfly.

My friend Jungle Julia over here says

that jukebox inside is pretty impressive.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah.

Well, why don't you go

get ready for your lap dance?

What about "kind of cute,

kind of hot, kind of sexy,

"hysterically funny

but not funny-looking guy

who you could f***"

did you not understand?

##

# Aah. aah #

# Aah. aah #

# Now. down in Mexicali #

# There's a pretty

little place that I love #

# Where the drinks

are hotter than the chili sauce #

# And the boss is a cat named Joe #

# He wears a red bandanna #

# Plays a cool piano #

# In a honky-tonk down in Mexico #

# He wears a purple sash #

# And a black moustache #

# In a honky-tonk down in Mexico #

# Well #

# The first time that I saw him #

# He was a-sitting on a piano stool #

# I said. "Tell me. then.

when does the fun begin?" #

# He just winked his eye

and said. "Man. be cool" #

# He wears a red bandanna #

# Plays a blues piano #

# In a honky-tonk down in Mexico #

# He wears a purple sash #

# And a black moustache #

# In a honky-tonk down in Mexico #

# In Mexico #

# All of a sudden. in walks a chick #

# In Mexico #

# Joe starts playing on a Latin kick #

# In Mexico #

# Around her waist

she wore three fishnets #

# In Mexico #

# She started dancing

with the castanets #

# In Mexico #

# I didn 't know just what to expect #

# In Mexico #

# She threw her arms

around my neck #

# In Mexico #

# We started dancing

all around the floor #

# In Mexico #

# And then she did a dance

I never saw before #

# So if you 're south of the border #

# I mean a-down in a-Mexico #

# And you wanna get straight.

man. don 't hesitate #

# Just look up a cat named Joe #

# He wears a red bandanna #

# Plays a blues piano #

# In a honky-tonk down in Mexico #

# He wears a purple sash #

# And a black moustache #

# In a honky... #

I'm driving.

We're gonna go somewhere else,

gonna go hang out.

Ready to go?

Yeah.

- Bye.

Bye.

I think you got Mike laid tonight.

Lookin' good, Cannonball Run!

He's just giving me a ride.

Oh, no doubt.

Have a nice ride!

Look, double fucks.

I am not gonna f*** him.

I can hear you.

- He's old enough to be my dad.

- I can still hear you.

Bye.

Bye-bye!

Wow, that's f***ing scary.

Yeah, well, I wanted it

to be impressive and...

scary tends to impress.

Is it safe?

No, it's better than safe.

It's death-proof.

How do you make a car death-proof?

Well, that's what stuntmen do.

You 've seen a movie where

a car gets into some smash-up

there ain't no way in hell

anybody's walking away from?

Yeah.

Well, how do you

think they accomplish that?

CGI?

Well, unfortunately, Pam, nowadays

more often than not, you 're right.

Tsk. But back

in the all-or-nothin' days...

Vanishing Point days,

the Dirty Mary Crazy Larry days,

the White Line Fever days...

real cars smashing into real cars.

Real dumb people driving 'em.

So, give the stunt team

the car you want to smash up,

they take her and reinforce

that f***er everywhere and...

Voila!

You got yourself

a death-proof automobile.

That makes sense. I just didn't know

you could make a car death-proof.

Well, I can drive this baby into

a brick wall doing 125 miles an hour.

Just for the experience.

Why is your passenger seat in a box?

Well, this is a movie car.

Sometimes when you 're shootin' a crash,

director wants to put a camera in the car...

you know, shoot the crash

from the inside.

That's where you put the camera.

They call it a "crash box."

There you go.

You know, when you

asked to drive me home,

you didn't mention your car

didn't have a passenger seat.

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