Grindhouse Page #5

Yeah, well, actually,

I didn't ask to drive you home.

You asked me for a ride,

and I said, "Yes."

But look at the bright side, Pam...

I won't be gettin' fresh,

putting my hand on your knee.

That is a bright side.

I thought so.

Well, Pam...

which way are you going?

- Left or right?

- Right.

Ah, that's too bad.

Why?

Well, because it was a 50/50 shot

on whether you 'd be going left or right.

You see, we're both going left.

You could have just

as easily been going left, too,

and if that was the case,

it would have been a while

before you started getting scared.

But since

you 're going the other way,

I'm afraid...

you 're gonna

have to start getting scared...

immediately.

What the f***?!

Cocksucking motherf***er!

Just f***ing let me out of here!

I'll f***ing rip your f***ing...

Stop the f***ing car!

Why are you being such a sh*t?

Okay.

Here's the thing.

I get it.

l... I know it's a joke,

and super funny.

Um, but if you just stop right now,

you know, and... and let me out,

I'll never tell anybody

because I know it's a joke.

I know all about jokes.

Ha ha ha!

I promise everything'll be fine.

Just... just... just let me out.

Please?

- And... and... and...

- Hey, Pam!

Remember when I said

this car was death proof?

Well, that wasn't a lie.

This car is 100% death proof.

Only to get the benefit of it, honey...

you really need to be sittin' in my seat.

Now I gotta catch me

my other girlfriends.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

It's Dave Dee, Dozy,

Beaky, Mick and Tich.

So, you got it?

Thanks, honey.

You 're gonna play it next song, right?

Good boy.

Growl!

Bye-bye.

Who do you want to hear?

Dave Dee, Dozy,

Beaky, Mick, and Tich.

Who?

Dave Dee, Dozy,

Beaky, Mick, and Tich.

Who the f*** are they?

For your information,

Pete Townshend, at one point,

almost quit The Who,

and if he had,

he would have ended up in this group,

thus making it Dave Dee, Dozy,

Beaky, Mick, Tich, and Pete.

And if you ask me,

he should have.

That's my boy!

##

# Hold tight. count to three #

# Gotta stay close by me #

# And hold tight. sing and shout #

# Just ride my roundabout #

# And hold tight. shut your eyes #

# Girl. you suit me for size... #

# Forget the other guys #

# You 'll never fall

each time you call #

# Hold tight. hold tight #

# Hold tight... #

# Hold tight. make me feel.

what you say is for real #

# And hold tight. carousel #

# Girl. you 'll soon ring my bell #

# And hold tight. we will fly #

# Swinging low. swinging high... #

# We're gonna make the sky #

# You 'll never fall #

##

I want to hear

this part of the song louder!

Do you remember anything?

Uh... l... I don't remember.

Doctor Block.

Self-restraints to Room 310.

Self-restraints to Room 310.

Well. What's the patient's

prognosis, Dr. Block?

I don't really see

it's any of your business.

Come on now, Sis.

You just tell us.

How bad is he?

He got banged up real good.

Busted nose, broken collarbone,

smashed up his left index finger.

Is that it?

He was real lucky.

That'll be all?

Well, that's more than enough,

and I wanna thank you, Dr. Block.

Son of a b*tch.

So, Pop.

What do you think?

Well, Son Number One,

what I think is so goddamn ghoulish

I hesitate to speak it out loud.

Well, give it a shot.

Well, what we have here

is a case of vehicular homicide.

That ol' boy in there

murdered them pretty little gals.

I mean, he used a car, not a hatchet,

but they're dead just the same.

Well, what are you gonna do?

Not a goddamn thing.

D.A. says there ain't no crime here.

Every one of them gals was swimming

in alcohol and floatin' on weed,

and old Hooper in there

came out clean as a whistle.

Now, you actually think that he

premeditatively murdered them gals?

Well, I can't prove it.

But since thinkin' don't cost nothin',

I can think it, and I do.

Yeah, but Pop, he got

pretty banged up himself.

Well, hell yeah,

he got banged up, but goddamn...

I mean, them pretty little gals in there

look like a goddamn giant

chewed 'em up and spit 'em out.

Did any of 'em survive?

Sh*t.

Two tons of metal,

flesh and bone

and plain old Newton...

they all princess died.

Why?

Well, I'd guesstimate

it's a sex thing.

The only way I can figure it.

High-velocity impact,

twisted metal, busted glass,

all four souls taken

exactly the same time.

Probably the only way that diabolical

degenerate can shoot his goo.

Yeah, I think the only thing

we can dream of getting that bastard on

is vehicular manslaughter

for the hitchhiker in the death box.

That was just plain old,

goddamn reckless endangerment.

But I got me a goddamn bartender

gonna testify that ol' Stuntman

Mike didn't drink a drop all night.

And his passenger

was left stranded by her date,

in the goddamn rain, no less,

and she asked him for the f***ing ride.

Now, on paper, this is gonna look

like he was just trying to help her out.

I mean, that's the way

the jury's gonna see it.

So, what are you gonna do, Pop?

Tsk.

Well, I could take it

upon myself to work the case,

you know, in my off hours.

Search for evidence,

you know, prove my theory.

Alert authorities.

Dog that rotten son of a b*tch...

wherever he goes, I go.

Or I could spend the same

goddamn amount of time and energy

following the NASCAR circuit.

Hmm. I've thought about it a lot.

I think I'd have a hell

of a lot happier life if I did the latter.

And just because I can't

punish Old Frankenstein

in there for what he's done,

I'm gonna tell you

like the Lord told John...

if he ever does it again,

I can make goddamn sure

he don't do it in Texas.

##

# You know you 're sliding down #

# Against your heart #

# Yeah. you got one #

# Just close your eyes #

# So you can see #

# So you can see #

# No. baby. I don 't care #

# What they say. it's so easy #

# No. baby. I don 't care #

# What they say. it's so easy #

# Yeah. it's comin ' on #

# It 's getting sweeter #

# And sweeter #

# If you 're gonna drown #

# Then do it the right way #

# The right way #

# I don 't care what they say. it's so easy #

# I don 't care what they say. it's so... #

Are you on the same floor as him?

No, he's on the fourth.

- And who's in whose room?

- He's in mine.

And so what happened then?

We made out for about ten minutes,

and then I sent him off to his room.

- So how's the Rock as a kisser?

- Mm, he's damn good.

He's got them mushy lips,

smooth fingertips.

Mm, I love them mushy lips.

He's a big guy, so he spins me around

so my back is up against him,

takes his big hand

and puts it on my throat,

tilts my head back and leans over me,

kisses me from behind.

Damn, that sounds sexy!

It was sexy.

But then that was it?

You sent him off? How'd he take it?

Wait a minute, what are we doing here?

If I'm gonna power through and pick up

Zo at the airport, I need coffee.

Since you 're getting that, can you get

some more vodka and sugar-free Red Bull?

We didn't know you were awake.

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