Growing Up and Other Lies Page #2

And I said that's what

we call cognitive dissonance.

Right, and then I put my sock on.

That's what happened.

So, we've have covered everything.

Come on, Barb.

Oh, don't drag

Barbara into this. BILLY: Yeah.

I'm gonna request that

you boys be thrown out.

No. Wait, wait, no, no, no.

- No don't do that.

- No.

Why don't we just step outside.

You me, Tweety Bird there.

Let's take you out

for a nice juicy steak.

Yeah.

We're young.

We're flirty.

We're nervous. I'm nervous

around older women.

Because I assume you're

older, I'm not sure.

We could all

just have a little fun.

So let me ride the

lightning of your love.

I would definitely get that little

canary to sit on my finger.

Come on.

F*** you!

Oh!

Shhh!

You're in a museum.

Have some respect.

Excuse me?

You really should

get your feet off there.

Oh, dude.

For real it's disgusting.

How old are you?

She's got a great point.

Really? Okay.

Yeah.

Billy, let me ask

you a question.

Do you have a single independent

thought in that head of yours?

Why are we friends

with you again?

Yeah, why are we even

friends with you again?

Come on, you love me.

I'm an anarchist,

but I'm not a dangerous one.

I don't accept that there's

any order in the cosmos

but I do want the trains to run.

I mean, I'm just looking

at the two of you and...

You do everything he does,

like, you're just...

You're his shadow. I mean why

did you order an egg cream?

What are you intimating?

I love egg creams.

Why else would I order...

Delicious.

Yes, they are delicious. Yeah.

You love egg creams?

Then tell me,

lover of egg creams,

what's in an egg cream?

You don't have to answer that.

What?

No, he does.

What's, what's in an egg cream?

It's fine. All right, all

right I'm gonna tell you.

Okay. First of all

there is chocolate.

Cream.

Chocolate syrup.

Syrup and there are eggs in there.

Seltzer. Seltzer.

- Seltzer. Seltzer.

- And there's Seltzer.

Whole milk... Uh, there's...

You know...

You know what, there are... Who

cares what is in the egg...

I don't...

All that matters

is that they're refreshing

and delicious. Right.

Couldn't agree more.

Okay?

Look no one wants to stop

you from going and helping your dad,

but why are you staying there?

You don't know anything

about rubber and plastic.

Ach, what's there to know.

And that's not the point anyway.

The point is that it's a stable

career and that's what I need.

You know what else is stable?

Death. You should try that.

Gee whiz, thanks, buddy. That

makes me feel a whole lot better.

You're welcome.

What do you want me to do?

My dad needs me, you know.

He asked for my help

and I'm gonna help him.

If I don't go now,

he's gonna have to sell.

I guess I didn't

expect you to give up.

Billy, maybe... Who said

anything about giving up?

My work is still up

at Starving Arts.

You know, like...

I can still paint from

wherever I am, including Ohio.

You know, Tabatha

thinks it's very sweet.

Oh, so you're taking advice

from your ex-girlfriend?

Nice. A friend. A current

friend, as well.

Sure, that's a sound decision.

Jesus, man there's only so many

times I can watch my bank account

fall before zero before

I want to kill myself.

You know, I'm in my thirties...

And I'm moving into

my dad's basement!

Temporarily, I said.

Temporarily.

Yeah, that's what everyone who moves

into their dad's basement says.

Oh my God! And 30 years

later they murder someone.

Oh, I get it now.

I get it. So obvious.

Oh.

You're gonna miss me.

You know me better than that.

You are.

You're gonna miss me.

Come here. Give me a goodbye kiss.

Huh? No.

Don't touch me. You think our

facial hair is gonna stick together

Nobody, nobody likes you. like Velcro?

Baby. Baby.

Nobody likes you.

I, uh...

I don't know how

anyone can do that.

I have to meet the baby before

we name him officially.

Okay, no, I get that but...

But have you considered Billy?

Yeah, if he's a humongous p*ssy.

I'll name him Billy.

Ah, the gallery.

Always look like a coffee shop to me.

Hey, Cece.

Where's my stuff?

Jake.

Ty didn't call you?

Who, Ty? No. Why?

What wrong?

Let's sit.

Okay.

Uh...

McKenze was here.

What? Max McKenze?

He was so drunk.

Oh, he's in town because um...

'Cause that showing

of his, his early work.

It's going on all week

down in Soho.

They have a DJ.

And snacks.

Yeah, I know. He was um...

Totally sauced.

And he...

Well, he thought that you were

trying to copy his style.

The whole New York

nostalgia thing.

What? I tried to

explain it to him.

Hold on. Hold on.

He thought I was copying him?

He said that?

He destroyed them.

What the f***

are you talking about?

Who did? Max McKenze

destroyed my paintings?

Jake, I am so sorry.

I am like...

Wait.

- Feet are already tired.

- Yeah, I hear you.

I didn't know you got a tattoo.

Yes Billy, I have a tattoo.

Just saying for the record, I

did not know that you did that.

Great story.

F*** me...

I saved this one

before he could slice it up.

But not, not before he...

Peed on it.

Excuse me? He what on it?

That's piss?

You're always saying how you

wanted to collaborate with...

Max MacKenze, so...

Now you have.

God, I feel so bad.

He put his paintings

up there specifically

'cause that's where

McKenze got his start.

Really?

Yeah.

We should help him.

You can't help a

dead man, as the saying goes.

That is not a saying.

Maybe not in

your limited experience.

Guys, he doesn't want

to go back to Ohio.

I mean, he invited Tabatha.

Why did he do that?

Masochism.

No, he's just looking

for a reason to stay.

I'm been shaming the guy all day.

It hasn't made a dent.

The dude is leaving.

No, we can get him to stay.

Listen, I'm gonna somehow,

I'm gonna skip this

checkup with Emma. Can you

still get out of work, Billy?

Yeah, but you told me not to skip.

I know but

my heart is changed.

No worries.

Done and done.

Okay.

Ooh, and what irrational

foolhardy thing should I do?

You two could stop

the constant bickering.

We're not constantly bickering.

Yes we are.

Okay, okay.

You know what guys,

let's uh... Let's...

Call it a day.

No.

No, no, no. It's been

great that we got to hang out,

but you're busy, we're all busy.

No, not anymore. No.

No, no, forget it.

It's been taken care of,

let's keep walking.

Got a really good idea, I think

you'll like it. Come on, now, Jake.

Yeah?

Absolutely, come on.

Let's do this.

Okay. Come on. Adventure time.

Let's gonna go down memory lane.

You're gonna love it.

All right.

It literally looks

exactly the same.

Hey man, thanks again for,

you know, letting us...

Uh, yeah, no problem, man.

You guys want

some breakfast or...

Oh, did you just wake up?

Oh, man remember those days?

Barely.

What?

I had the bed

the other way, but still...

Lotta history

in this room, Alex.

Lot of history.

You know there was a fire

here, like eight years ago.

Really?

Yeah.

No, there was

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