Growing Up and Other Lies Page #3

no fire. Stop...

Don't start calling

it a fire again. Okay?

Hey, no bickering, right?

He's just really

sensitive about the fire.

Takes a few minutes, but it

was like, instantaneous.

Yeah. This place is so

much smaller than I...

So was there,

like a fire or not?

I try to help. That's what I do.

I'm a hero.

You know if somebody else

like Jake had been there,

who know? The whole place would

have probably burned down.

Okay, there was no fire.

Okay? You destroyed

everything I owned.

Sorry, man. BILLY: With

a fire extinguisher.

Brings up a lot of old issues.

I almost 100%

sure there was a fire.

If there was a fire, why wasn't

anything in my room burned at all?

Because I put the fire out.

I prevented your room from burning.

You're welcome!

Not a single part of the room, Gunderson

was in the least bit charred.

Okay? And yet,

all my photographs and my books

and my, my computer, my...

Magazine collection,

my mom's prized collection

of presidential campaign buttons

dating back to Grover Garfield

were completely covered

in foam and destroyed.

It's just a little

difficult to reconcile with this fire

that you so heroically put out.

I think the important

question is,

who the hell is Grover Garfield?

Okay, I misspoke.

That's not a president.

It's not the...

Point.

Hi.

No way.

Oh, yeah. That was here

when we got here. Huh.

Thought it was

pretty f***ing Gershwin.

Yeah, it's pretty Gershwin.

That's a good thing, right?

Yeah, I guess.

You know, I feel like doing

something really dumb.

What do you think?

Oh, I don't know you.

Uh, guys.

No, no,

I know Mr. Kim.

Larry, sorry. Yeah, yeah it's

just that, it's just flared up.

It's terrible timing and I really

wanted to come to work today.

It's just a general

kind of hurting feeling.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Uh, no, no, no.

It's a urologist...

How much for all those?

Five?

How much for everything?

Squirrel and a hydro post.

It's got a little nut for

a football.

What, Rocks

thought it was funny.

Bee in your face.

There's a bee in your face.

I already have an appointment.

You don't have to do that.

It's in the network...

Don't wanna bother

your friend on a Saturday.

There he is.

Hey. What do you think?

Hey.

- I like it.

- Yeah?

You gonna leave it here?

Yeah.

This is kind of

a symbolic bathroom for me.

Truth be told

Tabatha and I actually...

Had sex in there.

Go on.

It was super uncomfortable.

But, you know I've actually thought about

it a lot about it since then and...

Even though it was awful, honestly awful.

Disgusting...

I think it was maybe

one of the most

enjoyable sexual

encounters of my life.

In retrospect.

It's so hard to pee

with a boner.

I'm sorry about that.

God to say it out loud,

it sounds so uh, trite.

- Sex in the bathroom?

- Yeah.

No, no it sounds all right.

I uh... I need

to tell you something.

When I saw Tabatha...

She...

At Ted and Audrey's?

Yeah, she told me

that her and...

You know,

what's-his-f*** broke up.

Sebastian?

Yeah.

What are you talking about?

Are you f***ing with me?

Tabatha's single now?

Currently single?

Yeah. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

And you found out this when?

On Wednesday?

And now it's Saturday.

I thought she was

coming to the walk,

she said you invited her

so I just figured you...

I wanted... Are you f***ing...

You know what?

No, I glad I didn't know that.

Wednesday was...

That was bad for me.

No, it is actually good timing.

This is f***ing terrible timing.

Dude, I'm leaving tomorrow.

I do not need to know this now.

Oh, come on, man

this is f***ed up.

I mean what am I going

to do with this information?

In fact why didn't she tell me?

F*** her!

I didn't mean that. That was knee-jerk.

That's not me.

She's probably

in pain. Oh God.

I should call here.

No, no, no, no, no.

What? I don't understand

what you wanted me to do.

God! Man, you know what

dick move for telling me.

Real dick move.

But I appreciate it.

That took guts. Should I

not have told you at all?

You should not

have told me at all.

No.

Okay and I apologize.

You should have told me before.

Okay, then I'm not sorry

and you're welcome.

I can't do the walk, it's...

No in fact... You can

do the walk, come on.

Ah! God!

This changes nothing.

This changes nothing.

You're right.

Right, let's go, Tabatha...

Rocks... Oh, f***!

No and to think that...

For the last three years

she was with Sebastian.

Tristan before that.

Where are the normal names here?

She's almost literally

been with somebody

every single day since

we broke up and now that

I have a chance

to be with her, I can't

because I'm leaving and I'm

never going to see her again.

Okay, well, why don't

we focus on the walk?

I mean, where are we going next?

No, I think Jake's right.

Let's focus on things that

we have no control over.

Gunderson, will you

look at, look at him.

Okay? Look at this

little face.

Cant' we, can't you be supportive

of this face for once in your life?

I've been supportive.

Hey, who put the fire

out in your room?

Okay, for the last time

stop calling it a fire.

Then what should

I call it? A conflagration?

A holocaust?

Here we go.

Just drop it.

How dare you!

Let it go.

We lost... No.

I will not...

I will not...

We lost great aunts and... You

didn't lose anyone at all.

Well, not directly but... ROCKS:

I don't know what that means.

Indirectly, almost surely...

Okay, all right.

Fair. Fair.

Jake, I got a call from work,

and one of my teachers

got food poisoning

for like, the umpteenth time,

and I have to go in

for just an hour,

I couldn't get anyone

to cover, it's on the way.

It'll just be an hour.

You guys can come. No.

Are you f***in' kidding me?

It's on the way.

No! Dude, not now!

Now's the worst possible time. I've

got an existential crisis afoot.

You don't mean existential.

I don't even know if I mean afoot.

What does afoot mean?

Pythagorean's theorem, you guys.

It's super cool.

You're gonna have...

Five to seven questions on it.

On the test, depending

on which one you get.

So, I wanna go over it

and make sure we all...

Did you just look at my test?

Gunderson, stop

looking at my test.

I'm not looking at your test.

I've already done number 21.

I bet you forgot about the

three quadratics, Gunderson.

I bet you forgot that you're a

college graduate and this is pointless.

It won't be

pointless when I beat you.

Yes, it will.

Hey, is he almost

done with his class?

Is that Emma?

I'm just disappointed.

I know.

I just...

I can't believe you would miss

one of the last appointments

before the baby would come.

I'm very sorry.

And to go out drinking

with your friends...

It's just such a f***ing

cliche and... Okay.

Oh my God! I sound like I'm one

of those bitchy annoying girls.

Well, you have every right to me mad, okay.

You do. I'm sorry.

I absolutely shouldn't have

missed the appointment.

No, you should not have

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes