Grudge Match Page #7

with my sister the same night.

I can still hear you!

- You did sleep with Carol, my friend.

- That's what she said.

You must be really tired if you fall

asleep with all these people.

- Sometimes people make you tired.

- You know what?

I've got some quarters. Why don't

you go play a game? That'd be fun.

Come on! This is the best dinner

conversation we ever had.

Trey. Why don't you go ahead, okay?

So, what happened?

- I was an idiot.

- No, you weren't an idiot.

- You were young and confused.

- "Confused"? Oh, man.

You thought you liked him.

You realized you loved me.

One thing led to another and I

couldn't handle settling down.

So I was gonna do the right thing.

I was gonna marry you.

I didn't want to marry you.

I didn't love you. I loved him.

Why did you sleep with me?

I was stupid.

Well, girls have slept

with me for less.

There was this one girl, slept with me.

She thought I was Marv Albert.

- Because my haircut was different.

- You are unbelievable.

Why couldn't you pick George Foreman?

We would've been rolling in grill money.

I've been with three people.

Three men in 30 years.

- Mom...

- Two, I loved.

Your father, not him. And Razor.

Ma, don't go.

What a bunch of nonsense.

What is this?

What are you talking about?

It's called promotion, Kid.

- Hey.

- Yes, Razor.

I know we've got a contract, but I

can't stand being around that clown.

What is up with you? Huh? Did you wake

up on the wrong side of the tenement?

Hey, Webster.

Show a little respect.

And I choose to believe that you called me

Webster because of my vocabulary...

...not because of my height and race.

- No, it's because you're short and black.

That's funny. That's real funny.

What was Jesus like?

I'm curious. Was he cool?

They're ready for you.

They call your names,

head right up to the octagon.

The octagon?

Well, what kind of

stupid sport is this?

Boxing's better? They fight in a

square and they call it a ring.

What is the problem, guys?

- Good point.

- Thank you.

Walk up on me and I promise

I'm gonna bust your ass.

Please welcome boxing

legends, Billy "The Kid" McDonnen...

...and Henry "Razor" Sharp.

Pleasure to see you.

Thank you for your time.

Guys, thank you very much. Welcome.

Thanks for joining us.

Thanks for having us.

So, what do you guys

think of the event?

I mean, no offense, but to me,

next level beyond boxing, huh?

I don't... I don't get it.

- Yeah, me either.

- What are you doing?

If I wanted to see two guys grab

each other's balls...

...I'd try the men's room

at Kid's restaurant.

- That's why we throw

him out all the time.

Called Knocked Out, by the way.

337 Charles Street.

- Everybody's invited.

- Come on, Kid!

Listen. You gotta hold it down

because you're driving me crazy.

I'm sorry. Do I give a sh*t? No!

Man, are you gonna be feisty

when you hit puberty.

What is it that you do not like

about mixed martial arts?

It's okay. We had a name for guys

that kicked when they fought:

Girls.

You know what? I think our audience

is taking offense to the fact...

...that you don't believe

this is a skilled art form.

Look at this! Look at this!

They booing us!

- What did...?

- Say whatever you want.

That's great. That's great.

You can kiss my black ass

if this sh*t don't happen.

That's fine.

Kid, compare MMA to boxing.

Well, to me,

it's more like pro wrestling.

Really? Interesting.

- Chael Sonnen!

- Hey, Grandpa!

Is this what they call manners?

You come here to our venue

in front of our fans.

You're gonna compare

us to rassling?

Ha. Did he say "rassling"?

Why don't you stand there in your

sweatshirt and look stupid...

- ...while I speak to your fellow geriatric?

- Hey.

Look at this guy. Who are you?

I don't even know what your name is.

I'm the guy asking you to pick up one of

your arms and throw it in my direction...

...so I can put you on your ass and you

can tell these fans if it felt scripted.

Go.

- Hey.

- Go ahead.

You know what? Yeah, be my guest. You

take your first shot. I challenge you.

Hit him! What are you

wasting your time?

Why are you interrupting? You got some

courage? You want to take a shot?

I don't want to take a shot.

I want you to smash him.

Go ahead. Hit him. Hit him.

He wants to be hit.

Shut up, old man.

Oh, sh*t!

Guess that's that.

That was a lucky shot.

Hello?

Why didn't you say anything?

It was busy.

No one's phone is busy

anymore with call waiting.

It's probably her.

What? How'd she know?

Caller ID.

Would it be easier if I said

she had magic powers?

- Don't.

- Hold on, Sally.

Sally. How you doing?

- Hello.

- Hi. Hey.

Well, hey.

Uh, call and hang up,

just like the good old days.

Heh. You know, I just saw you on TV

punch some guy out.

I mean, wow.

I mean, your punch is really great.

Yeah, I was lucky.

- No, really.

- I appreciate it. Thanks.

Listen, I was thinking about

what you were saying about meeting.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, you know, just to catch up.

Sure. I'd love to.

When?

Whoa. Wow.

- Wow, what?

- No, I was just...

I don't know, maybe tomorrow?

Tomorrow would be good.

Okay.

So I'll see you then, okay?

Whenever you're ready,

come see us. Thank you.

Judd, what's with the crowd?

Well, apparently, everybody

wants to buy a car from you.

Well, that's a good change.

Hey, what's going on, Lou?

Nothing. I'm in my office right now.

Hey, hey, how we selling?

Oh, that's good.

No, that's real good, Lou.

What?

Are you kidding me right now?

- Hey, shut up!

- Hold on.

Don't tell me to shut up! You shut up!

I found out I'm about to be rich.

You know what?

I'm gonna buy this place...

...and turn it into a gentlemen's

club and I'm not gonna hire you.

I'm gonna hire everybody else,

except you two.

Uh! Uh!

Hey, way to do it, Kid!

Look who's here.

Look who's here. Wow.

Did you see this guy

on TV last night?

Was that amazing or what?

I mean, you really kicked ass.

You made us old-timers

look real good last night.

Kid, you know what I was thinking?

Thought I'd train you today.

- Yeah? Really?

- Yeah, yeah.

Follow me.

Johnny, get up in the ring.

Spar with Kid.

Looking good. Good job, Kid.

It was great last night. All right.

- Thanks, Frankie.

- Stay loose.

I like it. You're looking like

new money in there. Ha, ha.

All right.

I thought you were

his trainer, Dad.

Yeah, buddy, so did I.

Yeah, Frank.

You know, this is great, Frankie.

Being in the main ring with you and the crew

and all that, but I already have a trainer.

- Can you stop filming?

- No, don't stop.

Stop filming.

What's your problem, Kid?

I thought you'd be thankful

I was offering to work with you.

I'm trying to do you a favor.

I'm grateful. Nice of you to come down

from your mountain to do me this favor...

...but I don't need a favor.

I need a trainer.

You stuck me with that guy,

who's such a dumbshit...

...he doesn't even know

I'm talking about him right now.

- See?

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