Grumpier Old Men Page #6

But then I would be

forgetting Antonio!

All five I warn you against...

... and all five you marry!

You are a good girl...

... but you are cursed in love.

That isn't true.

For once, Maria, listen to your mama.

Do you care for him?

Yes.

Then leave him be.

What a day this has been!

What a rare mood I'm in...

Why, it's almost like

being in love.

There's a smile on my face

for the whole human race.

Why, it's almost like

being in love.

All the music of life

seems to be

... like a bell that is

ringing for me.

And from the way that I feel

when that bell starts to peal...

I would swear I was falling...

I could swear I was falling

Why, it's almost like

being in love!

Hey, pop!

Well, I've really done it this time.

I've really screwed up.

Jake and Melanie

have called off the marriage.

Jake's moved in with Max, Max

and I are at it again...

Ariel's moved back into her house

with Melanie. What am I going to do?

Huh?

Pop?

Pop?

Looks like God

remembered you, pop.

I'm sorry.

Hey, moron.

Hello, putz.

Mind if I join you?

No, help yourself.

I knew your old man longer

than I knew my own.

He was always

very fond of you, Max.

He was a good man.

The best.

You know I didn't mean

what I said about Melanie the other day.

You know how I really feel about Jacob.

He's a good boy.

I just don't want him to be lonely.

He deserves better.

He deserves Melanie.

What do you want to do?

Wanna get drunk?

Yeah.

Come on, Grandpa John, hurry.

I'm coming. But you already

got enough candy in this bag...

... to give the whole

neighborhood cavities.

What'll you do to ensure six months

from now you feel happier...

... and more loved than you do today?

The truth is, if you don't do something...

... nothing in life will change.

Stop the insanity!

From the most beautiful

place in the world...

...comes the most exotic tanning

product in the world...

... Hawaiian Tropic.

Natural oils, tropical fruits...

... flora, nuts and

protective sunscreens.

A complete sun-care line

created by one man, Ron Rice...

...for one reason.

What are you feeding

this dog?

Hormel chili.

He likes it.

Trick or treat.

Trick or treat, I forgot. Just plain forgot.

Hiya, kids.

Here's your coaster.

And there's a stapler for you.

Open your bag. That's it. Good shot.

Happy Halloween.

Hi, Uncle Max.

Who's that? Allie?

Hi, Allie.

Is Allie here? Look at you.

Let me hear a polar bear growl.

Happy Halloween there, putzo.

How'd you know it's me?

You wear the same costume every

Christmas or whatever this....

... Halloween.

Hey, you. How's your mom doing?

Okay. Want to come over?

Yeah, you want to go

over and just say hi, Jacob?

She'd probably throw me

out the moment she saw me.

Max, I think I got an idea.

Trick or treat!

Hey, you!

How did we do tonight?

Uncle Max gave me a can opener

and a bunch of laundry detergent.

He did?

Yes, he did.

I'm going to bed.

Don't you want to watch the scary movie?

I said, I'm going to bed!

What has gotten into her?

You look great.

You look ridiculous.

Needed to see you again...

... to tell you how sorry

I was for the way I acted.

I just thought I couldn't be

happy unless we were married...

... and I realize now...

I just want you in my life.

That's all I want.

And if we ever do get married...

... I promise...

... we'll use a professional

wedding coordinator.

You look terrific.

They're watching us.

No, they're not.

No, they're not. Yes, they are.

Let's celebrate.

Beers are on me.

I'd love to, but I've got someone

very special waiting for me.

If you had half a brain, you

could have the same thing.

She dumped me.

Would you park that stupid

pride of yours just once?

You might surprise yourself.

I must speak to Maria!

Put down that bat.

She don't want to see you.

I ain't leaving here until I see Maria!

At last...

I get to whack him!

Mama, please. Please.

Maria, we need to talk.

There's nothing to talk about.

At least give me an explanation.

I think I deserve that much.

Yes, you're right.

I must tell you something.

I have been married before.

To Antonio, I know.

But also to Fernando.

And Carlo.

And Eduardo.

And Marcello.

Holy moly.

You've been married five times?

So, now you understand?

Mother is right.

I'm cursed in love.

Wait! Wait!

Will you wait, please?

I don't know what happened

with those other guys, but...

...let me tell you

something about me.

I know I'm no great prize, but I'm loyal...

... I'm honest...

... and I know how

to treat a lady.

Anybody says any different doesn't

know her ass from her elbow.

Look, I got a week's worth

of leftovers at the house...

... so if you care to join me for some

Mystery Stew and jelly sandwiches...

... I would be indeed honored.

That sounds wonderful.

You must really like jelly sandwiches.

Trs magnifique, Max.

Thank you.

We're running a bit behind.

Meet you at church.

Don't be late!

Isn't that Sven over there?

You look like you've

seen a ghost.

Biggest fish I ever seen.

Catfish Hunter, yeah.

I fought the beast...

... for an hour...

... and I had him.

Right up into the boat.

And then...

... he smiled.

Smiled?

- See?

He bit the pole in half.

Holy moly.

If I hadn't moved my

hand at the last moment.

Judas Priest.

That was the...

... biggest damn fish that...

... I ever seen.

Don't even think of it.

My boat is beached not more

than 100 yards from here.

We'll give it 10 minutes. After that,

we pull anchor, go to the church.

What if today is the day,

and we miss him?

Someone else could catch him...

... some stranger with our fish

mounted on his wall.

It's too horrible to think about.

Let's go.

What do you mean?

We've still got more time.

That fish'll be halfway to

Red Wing by now. Let's go.

Five more minutes.

We'll be late!

Weddings never start on time!

What's wrong? Why are you worried?

I'm going.

You must swim back.

Where're you going?

Don't touch my motor!

Will you sit down, John,

for crying out loud!

Five more minutes!

Just sit there for a minute

and shut up.

Moron.

- Putz.

Holy Jesus, Max.

Look, look.

Easy, easy.

Don't worry.

Look at him go.

Now he'll stop.

And now...

... I'm going to...

That's Catfish Hunter. It's got to be.

I think I pissed him off!

Hang on, Max, I think

we're going for a ride.

Hang on.

I can't believe it's a fish.

Maybe it's not a fish!

Maybe it's something

from outer space!

Keep the tip up!

The tip is up.

- Tighten the drag!

He better be dead. That's

the only excuse I'll accept.

Work him!

I'm working him, dummy.

Pump him! Tip up!

The tip is up, you idiot!

You're right, it's not an important day.

No reason to be here.

Hang on.

Drop the anchor.

You cut the anchor, putz!

Then grab the net.

You cut the net, too, you d*ckhead.

Here. Look.

Forget the net!

Just give me a hand, will you?

The only thing you ever caught

in your life was a virus.

Put your gloves on.

I'll show you how to do it.

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