Grumpy Old Men Page #6

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I got him right where I want him.

Got it, just like you said.

You don't understand.

I can handle it.

I'm Jacob Goldman, mayor of Wabasha.

I have a 30-day cease-and-desist order.

You can't touch this house.

Very well.

You look great.

Thanks, so do you.

I mean it. People always try to be nice

by saying you look great but...

...you really do look great.

I feel good.

How are you?

I'm good, Jacob.

Listen, I'm sorry about the....

Divorce. Thanks.

I'm just glad it's over and done with.

You must be.

Ready for this?

No, not really.

Listen, if you need someone

to talk to tonight...

...I'm staying at Pop's.

Thanks, Jacob.

I'd like that.

Hey, you two!

Get your asses in here!

I guess it's time.

Where have you been?

Relax. You nervous?

The groom is nervous.

-I'm not nervous, schmuck.

-Don't call me schmuck, putz.

You're in a church!

Wait!

Ain't you forgetting something?!

That'll do it.

That'll do it, Dad!

I think that'll do it!

Okay, here we go!

You're the greatest.

-I love you.

-Good-bye, pumpkin.

Here's the house.

Jacob paid the penalties and interest.

I paid the 13 grand.

Wipe the smile off your face,

it's just a loan.

I'll lay eight-to-five you can't

get it up the entire honeymoon.

You're on.

A sure winner.

You smell something?

What is that?

That dirty son of a--

What a putz!

What do you feel like tonight,

Leno or Letterman?

Tell me about it in the morning.

Where are you going?

The Daughters of the American Revolution

are having a dance at the V.F.W.

Maybe I'll get lucky.

Don't wait up for me.

What have you got there?

Broccoli.

Holy moly!

He's in. He's in!

Looks like he's going to enter

the holy of holies.

Coitus uninterruptus.

I throw back what I'm not going to eat.

Like that 40-pound muskie

you're always yakking about?

It's a shame that...

...that your uncle has a fish market

on 23rd Street and 14th Avenue.

Twenty-sixth.

Twenty-sixth Street, you dummy!

You schmuck!

Yeah. It looks like Chuck's

slipping her the old salami.

Oh, Jesus, Dad!

I'm Ronald Reagan. I used to be

President of the United States.

-I live across the street.

-Yes, come in.

I was also in the movies.

I was a lousy actor.

Looks like Chuck's going to put

the hot dog in the bun.

Oh, jeez, Dad!

That's why I came down.

-Spit it out!

-Don't shout at me!

I'm not!

Bust my tuchus to get

here on New Year's Eve...

...or on Christmas, or whatever the--

Looks like Chuck's...

...a tomcat on the prowl.

My pinched sciatica would make

your lumbago look like eyestrain.

Is it? Does he? Would he? Is he--

Yes, he is.

Looks like Chuck is taking

the old log to the beaver.

Looks like Chuck's

going to bury his boner.

That's right, you're a moron!

If you hadn't had Amy--

It looks like Chuck is taking

the skin boat to tuna town.

Looks like Chuck is taking the ride

on the wild baloney pony.

Who left?

If I knew there was a nude scene,

I'd have asked for another million.

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