Guns Girls And Gambling Page #5

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Who said you did?

So, ahh, upstairs...

are we going to find a dead Elvis...

or dead Indian.

Native American.

Whatever.

Probably an Elvis.

Agh! I'm tellin' ya,

you got the wrong guy.

Somebody else.

I like that, somebody else.

What about the girl you were with?

No, you don't want her either,

she doesn't know anything,

she's just the girl next door.

Next door to the apartment

that you say you don't live in.

Right.

Okay Mr. Smith we're going to

hold you in this car for 12...

Make it 24.

We'll see if anymore dead people show up.

That's not going to

work for me. Okay!

A lot of stuff is going to happen

in the next 12 to 24 hours.

Sorry jail's cutting into your busy schedule.

You could always tell us what's relly going on

and speed up the process.

Native Americans, Cowboys,

Elvis Impersonators, and Blonde Women

they are all trying to kill me.

Any particular reason?

They don't like me?

We're going to let you in on

a little secret here, John.

We don't like you either.

See you in the morning.

None of the settlerd liked

the real John Smith either.

Neither did the Indians.

But they all needed him to survive.

They tried to kill him too.

You stole my wallet.

Yeah. But it had no money in it.

What are you doing in here anyway?

Solicitation.

You're a prostitute?

Yes, John. I'm a prostitute.

So what's the deal with the mask?

You know where it is?

You too? How do you

know about it?

John like to talk during sex.

We didn't have sex.

Not you...

Heeyah, heeyah!

I was doing this guy named the Cowboy.

Giddyup, giddyup!

The Elvises stole the Chief's mask.

Gaw dang it Mo, I'm a little busy,

can't you see!

They haven't reported in.

The Rancher is asking for ya'.

Oh hell, why didn't you say so.

Uh.

That's it?

I got to go find me some Elvises.

Pay the gal.

Few minutes later the Sheriff's

came and arrested me.

At least somebody came.

You would have had a better time with me.

I like girls, John.

So what happened to your face?

You weren't this ugly the last time I saw you.

There's a lot of bad people out there.

There's some in here too.

Aren't you a murderer?

That's funny.

You know they found my credit card

that you stole at one of the crime scenes.

I'll make you a deal.

I'll talk to the Sheriff's and get you off...

no pun intended...

If you tell me where the mask is.

Looks like you and I will be spending

the night together after all

because right now I have

no idea where that mask is.

You where in that Elvis contest.

You played poker with those guys,

I know you know something.

Goodnight my sweet love.

Men!

I woke feeling not too bad.

True, I was in jail.

A whole bunch of people

were trying to kill me.

But somehow I felt today was

going to be better than yesterday.

Rise and shine, Mr. Smith!

Or maybe not.

The girl next door, posted your bail.

Don't I need to be charged with something first?

I'd stop talking if I were you,

we're letting you out.

It's called a bribe.

Anything new you want to

tell us this morning, John'?

I couldn't get laid by a prostitute,

you know what that does to a man's ego?

I can tell you something new this

morning, Sheriff's.

I'm listening.

Will it get me out of here?

Depends on what you tell us, sugar.

The Chief's ancient Apache warrior mask

was stolen by bunch of Elvis impersonators.

And he knows where it is.

I do not!

Really?

Sheriff's come in.

Sheriff Hutchins. What

is it Deputy.

There is broken down car off Highway 18.

Uregistered.

No sign of the driver.

There's a cut water hose and a

bone dry radiator.

Who goes out into the desert without

checking their water level?

Anything inside the vehicle honey.

The only thing is a Elvis trophy.

Say again.

A first place Elvis Impersonation

contest trophy.

Pretty cool.

Keep me posted.

Hutchin's out.

Told you.

Let's go Mr. Smith.

Hey, what about me?

When I get back I'll let you blow me,

then we'll talk about it.

Wow...

you sure know how to make a

girl feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Bye bye my love.

Thank you for getting me the hell out of there.

Wasn't cheap.

But I didn't want to have a

jailbird for an uncle.

What would the other kids say.

Mmm, thank you,

I owe you.

So what's the plan?

There's a plan?

I hope so.

I mean the Rancher hired the

Elvises to steal the mask.

And the head Elvis screwed

over the other Elvises.

Framed you and then took the mask for himself.

He's probably going to try and

sell it to the highest bidder.

So where do you think he is?

That is the million dollar question isn't it?

Literally.

You said you had an idea, though.

I do have an idea.

Did I?

Yeah, that was the last think you said to me

before blonde assassins

started killing midget Elvises.

Little person Elvises.

Whatever.

Him again.

Stop. Remember what

happened last time.

I'll take care of it.

Women.

Wise men say...

only fools fall in love.

It's not fools fall in love, it's fools rush in.

Oh you're going to correct me

on my Elvis lyrics now.

Yep Didn't she just pay you guys off?

Ow Hey!

Bribery is against the

law, Mr. Smith.

We call it consulting fees.

You know that's her boyfriend, don't you'?

That's her boyfriend?

Ex-boyfriend, thank you

very much.

Are we ready?

Where we going?

You're going to help us find that mask...

...cause I hear it's worth

a lot of money.

That wasn't part of the deal.

We're changing the deal.

I'm assuming you don't mind sitting in the back.

Do I have a choice?

I could get you two in a lot of trouble.

Ooh... Tell it to the

Sheriffs.

You coming?

Sorry Oh don't worry about it.

Why's your ex-boyfriend

following me?

He's not following you.

He's following me.

But the Sheriffs won't do anything about it!

What was he doing at the casino?

That was before I even met you.

He's got a gambling problem.

That's why we broke up.

She said she was high-classed

but that was just a lie.

See, I got that lyric correct.

You're a genius.

Where we headin' Mr. Smith.

We're looking for the driver of the car

that your Deputy found on Highway 18.

If he didn't die of heat stroke,

there's only one place he could be.

Be right back.

I think you guys better get here pretty fast.

There's a new player in town.

The angels...

...not half so happy in heaven,

went envying her and me.

That was the reason as all men know...

...in this kingdom by

the sea...

...that the wind came out

of the cloud by night.

Chilling... .

And killing...

...my Annabel Lee.

What?

Wrong answer.

Agh!

What's so funny?

Elvis has left the building.

For the moon never beams

without bringing me dreams

of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

What?

Nice satellite phone.

Cells don't work out here.

Interesting.

Did you just call the Rancher...

...or the Chief?

Both.

Really?

I work for the Rancher,

but I owe money to the Chief.

Playing both sides.

I like that.

Well, give them a message for me.

See we made it.

After how many hours of wrong turns'?

Next time I'm driving.

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