Guns Girls And Gambling Page #4

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I know how you feel.

Are there any Hispanics in this town

'cause right now that's the only ethnicity that

hasn't kicked my ass yet.

Somebody wants to talk to you.

Ah!

I can't imagine what that's about.

I already killed me two Injun's today.

Don't make me kill you too.

I want the mask.

Well that's refreshing, usually people say

"give me the mask", you went with

"I want" the mask.

Do you know who I am?

You're the Rancher.

Yeah I was ah, going to guess the Rancher too.

I own this town.

Several others just like it,

most of the land in-between.

Goverment says I can't own

the Indian Reservation,

but that doesn't matter, that's

worthless anyway until the...

...Chief's built his Casino.

See that, whether you're rich or poor

we all have problems.

It's been very nice meeting you.

Very enlightening.

Uncle John, I think it's time to shut up now.

That's a smart girl.

I'd listen to her If I was you.

Continue.

This...

Warrior Mask is where the Apache

gain all their power.

When it was lost in...

battle with U.S. Calvalry

they were dfeated

and forced to live as drunks in the reservation.

When it was found...

they became powerful again

and built their casino.

Interestingly, I've heard this story before.

From the Indians...

Not with your colorful descriptions added.

But I bet you don't know the best part.

The Apache don't make warrior masks.

Hopi do.

Hopi?

Hopi. It's another tribe.

There's not many of them left.

Wich means

that Chief's tribe originally stole the mask

from some other tribe.

And now, like all good European white man,

we're gonna take it from them.

Greed.

What?

Nothing.

Now don't feel too bad for the savages.

They'll kill to get that mask.

When they lost it the firs time

they killed whole family just to get it back.

Careful, it's very old.

Just like that.

How did you find it'?

His new boss sent him out there

looking for old war artifacts and

he finds this.

All right. Let's wrap it up.

That family worked for me.

Mother, Father, Little boy, all killed.

Except for some old Indian woman,

some sort of...

code of the savages.

: She lives.

: Only the white man

dies today.

That's horrible.

Um, so where again did you

say the Father found the mask?

What's it matter?

He found it, they killed him, the Chief got it!

Without that mask the whole tribe

would still be forced to sork

for me If they weren't too drunk.

to get off that casspool of a reservation..

But Instead...

they built a casino

now make even more money than I do.

So you hired the Elvises

to steal the mask for yourself.

You exploit whatever weaknesses our enemy has..

That casino is a fortress.

Only Apache warriors and Elvis impersonators

are allowed into the Chief's Inner sanctum.

So what happened?

I don't know.

But that's why I have your Uncle John here.

So, Captain Smith, you and...

Pocahontas have 'till tomorrow

to brig me the mask.

or I'm going to cut off your head and hang it.

next to all the other animals on my wall.

Do we understand each other?

Yes sir.

Agh!

We're right back Where we started.

He just threatened to cut off our heads

Well technically he only threatened

to cut off my head.

Well greet, / feel so

much better.

I won't get killed because of a technicality.

Well if it makes you feel any better

there's plenty of other people out there

who are willing to kill you today.

So how are we going to find this mask?

All we know is that an Elvis has it.

That's all we need to know.

There were five Elvises.

One of them stole the meek

and betrayed the others-

If you take me outta the equation,

that leaves only four.

Midget Elvis...

I mean little person Elvis...

...came ater me

looking for the mask.

So we know it wasn't him.

Takashi aka Asian Elvis,

also demanded the mask

the moment he saw us.

So it couldn't have been him either

And before he got a tomahawk in the back

Takashi told us that Alan...

aka, Gay Elvis...

had been killed

at the train station.

Which leaves only the

contest winner himself

Elvis... Elvis.

Your neighbour.

But I thought you were my neighbour.

I'm your uncle.

I'm talking about your real next door neighbour.

So where is this

Elvis-Elvis?

So, if I where an Elvis

impersonator...

contest winner who just stole an

ancient Apache warrior mask

Worth one million dollars, where would I be?

Hopi.

What?

Ancient Hopi warrior mask.

Right.

I do have an idea.

You still think we shouldn't

call the sheriff's'?

No, we need to find the mask, save our heads,

get rich and live and live happily ever after.

Hmm.

I couldn't agree more.

Midget Elvis!

Little person, a**hole!

Sorry.

I knew you b*tches would

return to the scene of the crime.

Which crime is he talking about?

I don't know. There's been

so many, I've lost track.

It's just a figure of speech, dickwad!

I meant you finally camo back home.

I don't live here.

She lives next door.

Thanks.

You're a sick twisted bastard, you know that.

Having all our pictures taped to your wall...

...jerking off to them at night!

What?

That is pretty sick.

It wasn't good enough for you

just to steal the mask.

No you had to live out your perverted

fantasies and kill all of us.

You get off on that, don't you?

What the hell are you talking about?

First you kill Gay Elvis...

in a bathroom stall no less!

Then you kill Asina Elvis...

by thrusting a hatchet into his back!

Hey wait. It wasn't a hatchet,

it was a tomahawk.

Apparently there is a difference.

And now you want to try and kill me.

Well ass wipe...

it's not going to happen!

Excuse me, in Uncle John's defense

he didn't kill any of those people.

The Indian did...l think.

Uncle John?

So now you're screwing your niece?

Damn! You are one

perverted bastard!

No, no. It's not like that.

She's my neighbour.

Not actually my neighbour...

Now tell me where the mask is

before I cut you both down to my size!

Yes, tell us where the mask is.

Nice outfit.

Thank you.

Who the hell are you?

It's some visitor, I murdered,

tapping at my chamber door.

This it is, and nothing more.

Edgar Allen Poe?

An educated man.

Then you're smart enough to know

who will be walking out of here

with that duffle bag.

Did you jurt threaten me?

Because b*tch, this midget will f*** you up!

Ahh, little person.

Whatever!

Oh I've had about enough of this.

Aghh!

Uh!

Hmm.

How many assassins do they have in this town!

Oh!

Ouch!

That looks like it hurt.

John Smith, I presume.

Yeah.

Well we just heard gunshots.

We going to find another...

dead body up there?

Probably.

Imagine that.

We follow the address written

on the hand of a dead Indian...

Native American.

Native American, lying in a pool

of blood next to another dead...

Native American in a car...

registered to you.

And we find your credit card lying on the body

of a dead Elvis

impersonator-impersonator

in the bathroom of a train station.

And now here you are.

I haven't killed anybody.

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