Guns Girls And Gambling Page #3

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...we can't call the Sheriffs.

I'm not calling the Sheriff.

Sheriff's!

Who you calling then?

Nobody.

Oh I get it...

...you're going to be like my

crazy Uncle.

You'll be Crazy Uncle John.

When I was in the apartment next to yours...

See, I told you we were neighbours.

We're not...Never mind.

When I was in that apartment, I noticed

there were some headshots on

the Wall of the other Elvises.

Now I'm willing to gamble

that in this small town,

that there's not too many

Takashi Toshiros.

I thought you said you were a terrible gambler.

Nope, I've only lost in slots, poker...

...and love.

You'd think in a day and age of cell phones...

...the payphone would've died

a horrible death and yet...

...some remain,

fighting destiny...

...marking a...

simpler time.

That's beautiful.

Now give me the mask!

Midget Elvis!

Little person, b*tch!

Oh you said he was a little touchy about that.

Very touchy.

Now give me the mask

or I'll blow your balls off!

She doesn't have balls... you don't have

balls... she doesn't have balls.

I'm not screwing around!

Look man, I don't have it!

He doesn't! I would

know, he's my neighbour.

I'm not...

Why does everybody think I have it?

Because you stole it.

I didn't!

Last chance.

Well what do you think the cop behind you

is going to say about it?

Do you think I'm stupid?

I'm not falling for that!

Everything all right?

Yes, everything's fine.

Because I just hate it...

...when people make fun of a little person.

No, listen officer we weren't

making fun of a little person

we're just asking for some

directions. Really.

Right? Yup

Yeah. Have a nice day.

Right.

Thank you Deputy.

Looks like Elvis died on the toilet.

Yep.

Again.

I don't think he's dead.

Which one?

Which one what?

Which Elvis do you think is still alive?

The real one, or that guy?

Both.

Both'?

Really?

Everybody knows that the King

faked his death to get away from the Colonel...

...lead a normal life,

live happily ever after.

That guy however,

is an impersonator.

No sh*t.

No actually I'm afraid there is.

H g

Don't start with the

toilet humor. All right.

Too late.

So Sheriff...

...you've determined in

your expertise...

...that the dead guy here

is not the real Elvis...

...but rather an

Elvis impersonator.

No, Sheriff,

I've determined in my expertise

that the dead guy is not a

real Elvis impersonator,

you can tell by the boots.

Any true Elvis lover would know that the King

would never be caught dead in those.

No pun intended.

Hmm. Elvis impersonator...

impersonator.

John Smith.

The owner of the car with the dead Indians.

Native Americans.

So what do two dead "Native Americans

and a dead Elvis impersonator

impersonator have in common?

John Smith.

John Smith.

So this is luxurious estate of Asian Elvis, huh?

I guess Elvis impersonating

doesn't pay all that well.

So what's your plan?

My Plan?

I was going to go in there and demand

that he give me the mask.

That's a popular plan these days.

Simple and sweet.

I like it.

Very popular plan.

Maybe its the maid's day off?

Sure hate to be the owner of this place.

That's why I rent!

Hey!

And here I thought I'd have to come after you.

We ahh, we didn't see you there.

Because Asians are sneaky, right'?

Starting right off with the stereotypes.

What?

Give me the mask!

Hey that was your line.

Look, like I'm telling everybody else,

I don't have it!

First you steal the mask,

then you kill Alan.

Alan?

Gay Elvis.

Gay Elvis?

Murdered in a train station bathroom.

They're hunting down all the Elvis'

trying to find the mask.

Heard on my Police scanner that

he was shot on the toilet multiple times.

You have a police scanner?

Of course I do.

Because I'm Asian, I must be

good with technology, right?

What?

Let me guess, you think every Asian knows karate

I bet computers too.

And I suppose I must've

gotten really good grades in school,

studied every night,

all while working at my

parents dry cleaners store

on the weekend.

Well in my case, that's just not true.

Except for the Karate part.

Hey ah!

No one's hunting this Elvis down

you generic European hybrid.

And who are you supposed to be?

The Girl Next Door?

Exactly.

Well little girl.

Tell me where the mask is

or I'm going to open up a can of

whoop-ass on you too.

I don't know where the mask is,

I've never even seen the mask.

I suppose you think I wouldn't hit a girl.

Hey ah!

Wrong again!

Ah, Oh.

I can't believe you just did that.

I know...

I'm just breaking every stereotype today!

Your little White Man's brain

must be ready to explode.

You really are an a**hole, aren't you!

Takes one to know one.

Did you really just say that?

Yes I did.

Now give

me

the

mask!

Agh!

Yes!

Look behind you.

Look behind me?

Remember the stereotype little girl,

Asian's are smart.

Not dumb!

I'm here for the mask.

Shocker.

You better pray you're not Elvis.

No no, I'm a Smith.

John Smith?

Yeah!

Aren't you dead?

I don't think so.

Wait, wait. You're a...

you're the Indian.

Do I look like I'm from India?

I meant uhh... Native

American.

Do I look like I work...

...at Seven Eleven?

Wait, wait! That's a little

racist too, isn't it!

Suppose you think...

this a tomahawk?

I was going to say hatchet,

but now that you mention it.

And what? I'm going to

scalp you, is that it?

No, that would be racially

insensitive of me to think that!

That's good.

You're not stupid as you look.

Thank you.

But unfortunately for you...

...it is a tomahawk.

And this Indian...

Help!

...is going to scalp you!

Should have looked behind you.

Come on, let's go.

Never argue with a woman.

Look behind you! What are you

three for three with that?

Four for four.

But to be fair, three of the four times,

there was actually someone behind them.

Okay, come on, come on.

That was my first tomahawking

what about you?

I changed my mind.

I think we need to call the Sheriff's.

The mask is worth one million dollars.

Maybe the sheriff's can

wait a little bit longer.

Not even the girl next door

is immune to greed.

Well, I caught it from my Uncle.

Hey...

...there's that guy again.

What guy?

That guy from the casino!

Hey you!

John, wait!

I want to talk to you for a minute.

What?

Who are you?

Dude what happened to your face?

I just got beat up by an Asian Elvis,

but that is not important right now.

Really I saw you outside the casino

what's you deal?

Dude, unless you want to also

get beat up by a college kid,

I'd walk away right now.

No, I'm not going anywhere man,

until you tell me why you are following us.

Okay.

Agh!

Agh!! Uh!

Stick to fighting Elvises, moron.

Huh!

Stop it! Get away from him!

What! He was

asking for it!

I can't believe it!

The Chief's men were right!

He actually just crushed a beer can on my head.

Just get out of here!

I'd listen to the lady if I was you, boy.

Yes sir!

You look good.

Thanks.

You broke my nose, a**hole.

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