Guys and Dolls Page #4

on Thursday.

The day after tomorrow.

Who's going to help me until then?

Well, our doors are always open.

Come in any time.

You know what I think, Sister Sarah?

I think you not only don't wanna help me,

but you're against me.

I'm afraid that is true.

I'm afraid I don't trust you, Mr. Masterson.

- Brother Sky.

- Mr. Masterson.

You don't believe I'm a sinner.

I'm prepared to believe you're the biggest

sinner I've ever met in my life.

But you don't believe I want to repent.

Is that it?

All of a sudden you want a cup of coffee.

Did it ever occur to you that some people

could be all repentance and no sin?

You know, I may start

a chain of missions to help your kind.

"Come all ye repenters and let us

bring a little sin into your life."

"There is no peace unto the wicked.

Proverbs." This is wrong.

Let's say it's a matter of opinion,

shall we?

I made a statement of fact. It's wrong.

How dare you! Even if this is not

a church, it is a mission.

- How dare you blaspheme.

- How dare you misquote the Bible.

This is not Proverbs.

- Of course it's Proverbs.

- Isaiah.

Chapter 57, verse 20 or 21.

Would you like to bet on it?

Not money, just a nice sociable bet?

Isaiah?

Only one thing has been in as many

hotel rooms as I have - the Gideon Bible.

Never tangle with me on the Good Book.

I must have read it a dozen times.

- If all that was no help to you...

- Who says it wasn't?

In one of my blackest moments

I came up with a three-horse parlay.

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.

- Mr. Masterson, why did you come here?

- I told you, I'm an unhappy sinner.

- Excuse me, but you're a liar.

- Lying is not one of my sins.

I am not in the market

for a one-dollar solid gold watch.

All right. We'll lay it on the line.

- We'll deal the hand open.

- Could you say that in English?

I'm sure you've earned your stripes

in combat against the devil.

- There's no need to be sarcastic.

- But not on this battlefield

against the devil's first-line troops.

You can't get at the enemy.

This mission is laying an egg.

- You have no way of knowing.

- I've got lots of ways.

You are stuck with a store

full of repentance and no customers.

Without sinners to repent,

repentance doesn't exist.

So you're stuck with a store full

of nothing. Do I give you a fair rundown?

I wouldn't know.

I've never had a rundown.

- Would you be open to a proposition?

- I've had those. No.

Don't flatter yourself. I'm talking business.

I am in a position to supply

the raw material you need for your work.

- Namely sinners.

- How?

That's my work. Now when is this

big midnight meeting of yours?

Thursday. I guarantee to supply that

meeting with one dozen genuine sinners.

- Whether they repent or not is up to you.

- Thank you. That's a fair rundown.

Now, if you will excuse me...

Just a minute, Sister Sarah.

This is not a charity contribution.

This is a business transaction.

Something you want for something I want.

And what is that?

Have dinner with me tomorrow night.

Why should that be something you want?

Well, maybe because I think

I'll be hungry tomorrow night.

- Keep this. It's my marker.

- Your what?

My marker. My IOU for one dozen

genuine sinners delivered as described.

- I will pick you up tomorrow at noon.

- At noon to go to dinner?

It takes time to get there. We're going to

my favourite restaurant - El Caf Cabana.

Where's that?

- Havana.

- Havana, Cuba?

- Well, what other Havanas are there?

- You wanna take me to dinner in Cuba?

- Well, they eat in Cuba, same as we do.

- What do you take me for? A chump?

- Isaiah's on the other side.

- Get out.

What are they worth to ya? One dozen

genuine sinners ready for salvation.

What are they worth to you?

A chicken salad in the tearoom?

One last word, Sergeant.

I don't want you to walk out of this room

thinking you're upset because some

black-hearted sinner made advances...

- It's none of your business what I think.

- ...to a virtuous lady with a white soul.

Any sinful thoughts present in this room

at this time come out of you, doll, not me.

You're quite right. I'm nothing

but a repressed, neurotic girl -

I've read books on the subject -

who is abnormally attracted to sin,

and so abnormally afraid of it. You're

not the first man to try that approach.

I am happy to know that I am not the first

man who tried to approach in any way.

- You're not even close.

- I imagine you've succeeded

in blocking all possible approaches.

Except for a few that

you wouldn't know about, I'm afraid.

Well, of course, I only know

the ones on the outskirts of society.

What are the approaches like

on the inskirts?

All paved with honourable intentions?

- I wonder what he'll be like.

- Who?

That upright, downright, forthright square

with his close-shaved chin up,

who right now, somewhere, is marching

along the proper approach to proper you.

- What'll he be like?

- He will not be a gambler, for one thing.

I can name better than you the things

he won't be, but what will he be?

- How will you know when he gets to you?

- Don't worry. I'll know.

For I've imagined every bit of him

From his strong moral fibre

To the wisdom in his head

To the homey aroma of his pipe

You have wished yourself

a small-town Galahad

The breakfast-eating four-button type

And I shall meet him

when the time is ripe

I'll know

When my love comes along

I won't take a chance

For, oh

He'll be just what I need

Not some fly-by-night

Broadway romance

And you'll know at a glance

by the two pair of pants

I'll know

By his calm, steady voice

Those feet on the ground

I'll know

As I run to his arms

That at last I've come home

Safe and sound

And till then I shall wait

And till then I'll be strong

For I'll know

When my love

Comes along

Mine will come as a surprise to me

Mine I leave to chance and chemistry

- Chemistry?

- Yeah, chemistry.

Suddenly I'll know

When my love comes along

I'll know then and there

I'll know

At the sight of her face

How I care, how I care, how I care

And I'll stop

And I'll stare

And I'll know

Long before we can speak

I'll know

In my heart

I'll know

And I won't ever ask

Am I right? Am I wise? Am I smart?

But I'll stop

And I'll stare

At that face

In the throng

Yes, I'll know

When my love

Comes along

Well, that makes it necessary

for me to drop back again.

Matthew 5:
39.

Don't bother looking it up.

It's the bit about the other cheek.

I know, Joey.

But the 1,000 bucks is guaranteed.

What? It's a bet I cannot lose.

I bet Sky Masterson he could not take

a certain doll to Havana with him.

Not this doll.

Now for the grand finale

of our round-the-world revue,

the Hot Box takes you out to the alley

with Miss Adelaide and her Alley Kittens.

One meow, two meow,

three meow, scat!

What's the initial of my pet tomcat?

Is it A, B, C, D, E, F, G?

Is it H or J or L, M, N, O, P?

Is it L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T?

No, it's you! You're the cat for me!

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